Step Mom asked NOT to attend

Nj - posted on 01/07/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm the stepmom, and I've been married for 5+ years. Blended, we have 5 adult children (ages 24-28). My stepson is proposing to his girlfriend soon and invited us to the engagement party. Two days before the event, he told his dad that he was going to call me to ask if I would skip the party. He said he feels uncomfortable with me and his Biological mom together at the same venue. The BM is newly divorced from her 2nd husband and will be attending alone.

Please give me advice even though I will NOT attend. I feel this will be the case going forward with the shower, dinners, and the wedding.

Feeling sad!

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Ev - posted on 01/07/2016

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That is not enough reason though to keep his step mother out of the events to me. I was alone but had been divorced from my kids dad for a few years when my daughter married. We ALL were at the wedding...steps included regardless of the way the step mom thought of me.

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016

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Actually, I wasn't inferring that you were the person making the situation uncomfortable. Perhaps I should have been clearer. It may be that his mother has expressed her discomfort and wishes about the situation. In which case, that's not fair of her to do to her child. I wasn't necessarily pointing fingers at you. But this is something his dad can talk to him about.

Ev - posted on 01/07/2016

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I am not sure how to answer the question. Have you and his mother had a bad set of relations over the last five years? Do you know her at all? If there has been friction in the past, that may by why he is asking you to stay at home. But it is also rude to ask that of his dad's wife. You do have a right to be part of the celebrations as soon he will be wedding this girl. What is he going to do-forbid your presence at the wedding too? Ask your husband his thoughts on the matter. Maybe he can shed light on why his son is doing this.

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Nj - posted on 01/07/2016

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I think he's being protective of his mom because she is newly divorced and will be alone.

Ev - posted on 01/07/2016

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I did not imply you were the problem but just wondered if there was any sort of issues going on that would make some sort of uncomfortable feelings about being at the same place while these events go on.

Nj - posted on 01/07/2016

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I guess I'm the person in the equation. He doesn't want his mom to feel uncomfortable, I guess???

Nj - posted on 01/07/2016

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I've never said a bad word about the BM. I have only spoken to her once at a graduation event. She went her own way after the divorce and remarried. Since the kids were older, we had no reason to communicate.

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016

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I think it's a bit sad that he feels this way, to be honest. Perhaps it is time for his dad to have a talk to him about it. I don't think it is appropriate for him to exclude you from everything, but it is probably important to understand WHY he feels uncomfortable. Is there someone in this equation making it uncomfortable (in which case, they need to cut it out)?

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