Step mom boundaries

Mom - posted on 07/01/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am a mother of 2. I have been divorced for almost 4 years. We are both remarried. I have had issues with my ex’s wife from the beginning. I had used the same daycare for 5 years and when she came in the picture she started making up things to the provider that I was saying about her and I ended up having to pull my kids from the one stable place they had at the time. Since then it has been issue after issue. She cut my 5-year-old daughters hair, she makes my kids call her mom and I am “the other mom” or they have to call me by my first name. I feel like she does not respect me as the mother at all. She volunteers in my kid’s schools and always tries to be like she is the mom. I have tried so hard to not let her actions bother me. I keep telling myself that it could be worse and that my kids could have a step mom that does not love them. But I believe there are things a step mom should and should not do. She does not have any children of her own and maybe that is the problem. I have a stepson and I know how to respect his mother. My ex and me share joint custody of the children. We got along really well until she started getting in the middle of everything. Is there any type of legal action that I can take to make her back off? I feel like my kids are with her more than there dad and I think if he is not there then they should be with me.


Ev - posted on 07/01/2014




I am not sure about legal action but I do know from experience that when my kids' current step mom tried to get me to agree to things she could do with my kids that were not allowed by law (home schooling by a step parent where I live is not allowed) we got into a form of a "discussion". The reasons behind it were not good enough for me to agree to it and well she had no rights to do so. I told her in no uncertain terms that where my kids were going to school was good enough. She has also tried to dictate visitation as well. My ex is always asking her if its alright for this or that when its a choice he and I are supposed to make regarding OUR children. Sometimes she seems to think that she can say and do what she pleases about my children's lives when the legal things are not in her court to start with.

I think its time to sit them both down and lay out the ground work. Tell her she is not allowed to cut hair unless you agree to it, she is not mom and therefore she should not be making the kids call her that because you are there, she has no rights to do legal things for them, that she needs to step back and let you and dad handle the decisions regarding the kids.

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