Christina - posted on 11/30/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )
Me and my boyfriend have known each other since we were 12- now we are both 21. We dated for years in middle school and high school and were for the most part a happy couple. Then in high school he began to have feelings for his now ex-girlfriend and mother to his now 5yr old son, whom they had when they were both 16/17. Yes practically a year after we broke up, they became pregnant during high school.
A year ago in November we decided to rekindle our relationship after becoming friends again. A couple of months after getting back together it was going so well that I decided to let him move into my apartment with me. From the moment we started talking again, I loved that he was a father. I had to overcome many ill feelings towards the mother of his child since she was the reason I was forced to break up with him during our high school years. But it was easy for me to get over since we were all very young and foolish!
Now when I say that my boyfriend is my soul mate I truly mean that, everything I look for in a spouse is within him and he is very caring and fun to be around. As soon as we got back together it was an amazing relationship instantly and we had no trouble getting along and putting our differences aside despite the past and whatever came against us! HOWEVER (enter sad face here) there are few things that I feel have the potential to completely break us, mostly having to do with becoming a stepmom, dealing with a bitter ex and not being able to come to agreement on our parenting style.
THE EX FROM HELL- I believe myself to be a very nice person by habit. I love talking to people, helping people and DO NOT like feeling this intense hatred to this woman. Now I have come to terms that no matter how much I tell myself im over past offenses, I cant help but feel the old wounds. But no matter how hurt I am, I always treat the mother to my stepson very respectfully and have never said an ill word to her or treated her unkindly. When I pick up my stepson we say our hi and goodbyes and that's that. But I cant help feeling how I feel about her parenting and that is- that it's horrible. She has not had a job in at least 3 yrs (stepson is 5), and lives with her mother with my SS off and on. She always ridicules my boyfriend about how he never helps out with any finances and never sees him even though my boyfriend calls and messages her how is he doing and buys him school supplies and clothes whenever we have the chance. She tells him he doesnt do ANYTHING for my SS and that my SS doesnt want to be around him or come to our house, yet my SS says the same thing about her when he's around us. Then the one thing that gets to me is that SHE DOES NOT HAVE A JOB OR MAKE ANY MONEY. Her parents pay for everything, so financially she does nothing for him either. ALSO, she is heavenly into drugs. She has left my SS more then a few times with he mother. Moving to Dallas with her new boyfriend, going out to parties, even forgetting who she left my SS with during one of these partying nights. She has admitted to doing heroin to my bf and since she shares mutual friends with my boyfriend they tell us she is constantly looking for pills, coke, weed whenever she can because of "pains" she has. She is juggling 2 boyfriends who live in separate cities, neither of which are fit to be step dads both of which are coke/pill/heroin addicts. She constantly accuses my bf of not being a good dad yet she made me and my bf buy my SS school supplies and clothes for his first EVER day of school and ended up not enrolling him and still hasn't to this day even though he is five. Developmentally he is very stunted and cannot even count ten and has so many bad behaviors from learning them from his mother. She is constantly bad mouthing me and my BF, and my SS sometimes says that his mom calls me fat and that she doesn't like me. I feel really horrible about being caught up with all this and i feel like I have no say in what happens from here on out. I know I chose to be with someone who has a child already but I never anticipated that even though me and my bf have both grown and matured since high school, the mother of his child was still stuck in her old ways. Im also sad that my SS has to go through this and his being affected negatively because of his mothers actions. I want to reach out to her and tell her to get herself together for the sake of their child but feel like I dont have any grounds to talk since he is not mine. Does anybody have any advice for me, can i be doing something different/better? I really need help with this, this is the love of my life and i feel heartbroken that this may tear us apart...