Addison - posted on 10/10/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )
My fiancé and I have been together since his son turned 1, we have lived together for nearly the entire time, and now he's 3 1/2. He has always called me 'mama', because that's what he chose when he started talking and he has always called is bio mom 'mommy'. That was up until the last few months and his bio mom is requiring him to call me by my first name or 'Gavin's mom' (Gavin being my bio 7 yr old). I never have wanted to replace his mom in any way, but she has felt threatened by that since day 1. She accused us of forcing him to call me mama when it was first noticed (by him saying he would go see daddy, mama, and Gavin). We filled her in on him calling me that because I simply take care of his basic needs during our time with him and everything seemed to be going a bit better. Ugliness reared its head though, during the custody case, and since its been over (3 mos) the little guy seems to feel guilty if he was to call me mama. He will tell me I'm not his mom, I'm Gavin's mom. And his bio mom drops him off saying you get to see Addie and dad. I don't care what he calls me, I just don't think its healthy for him to be guilted or "brainwashed" (for lack of better term) into calling me Addie or Gavin's mom if he has always had the comfort of me being his other mama (not his bio, "mommy") that's been there for him for 2 years. What should I do? Does anyone else feel as though the child should be able to make that choice on their own? Is it healthy for her to be "renaming" me just because of her own insecurities? Just need some advise... We may be able to have a cordial and civil conversational about it, but I want some other opinions first. Thanks!