Step-Mom Overstepping Her Role?

Sarah - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am a single mother of a 4 year old girl living in a foriegn country. I don’t have my family or friends with me so I am really single in every sensé of that word. Her father pays no child support and we were never legally married so visitation is really just because I want her to know her father.
Her father and his new wife have a little one year old son and my daughter loves to spend the weekend with them because of her brother. I have been very respectful with the new wife because she has mostly been very correct with me. I even invited her to my daughters birthday parties and have no ill feeling for her. I actually like that she is around in my daughters life as she is calmier then her father.
There was once an incident where she hit my girl and I calmly asked that it never happen again as I don't believe in hitting. She said she was sorry and it's been one year since then.
Last week my daughter called and was upset becuase she said that "Tata" got mad and yelled at her. So I asked both her father and "Tata" his wife to please not use hitting or yelling to discipline my daughter.
This then began a wave of insults from "Tata" that accused me of being a bad mom, she said that my daughter complains about me, that she didn’t appreciate me telling her how to discipline my girl. I am very proud of myself because I never resorted to insults or even attempts at hurting her feelings i simply asked her to respect me as a mother, I.e., don’t use that tone with me and listen to my requests as I don’t have many.
She sent a message to my phone saying : "let me just tell you that the way you have to give pedigogical lessons as if you were the only one knowing about education isn't the best way to motivate ppl to give the best to your girl. Thanks for her I have got other motivations than to please you. "

After i got my girl home she sent this message to me saying « your daughter is safe now. you don't have to worry anymore. oh i just slapped her to say good bye to see if she will tell you or not!"

I was really shocked because I would never think to tell another mother what to do or argue with her about éducation. It’s not my place and she basically said, Trust me I know better than you about your daughter and then made a horrible comment about violence on my daughter.

What do I do about this ? Not let them take my daughter anymore ? How do I approach this ? I need some advice.


View replies by

Dove - posted on 08/19/2012




Since there is no court order at this point I would let the father know you will be happy to let him continue visitations as long as this woman is nowhere to be found (as in.... supervised visits for dad). Save every text from her. I don't know what country you are in and don't know what the system is like there, but if it were me and here.... I'd be filing a police report against her from that text to start a paper trail to protect your child.

I'm so sorry!! Good luck with it all!!

Lacye - posted on 08/19/2012




As a step mother, I think she has severely crossed the line. She needs to remember that that is your daughter, not hers. She needs to respect your wishes as the birth mother and back off. Is there any type of custody agreement through the court system? I don't agree with keeping a child away from their father because of the stepmother being a craptastic person but if she is going to treat your daughter this way, I'm not sure if it is the best thing for her. Have you talked to your ex about all of this. What does he say?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms