Step parenting

Marie - posted on 09/03/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I need advice. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He raises my 15 year old daughter as his own and we have a 9 year old son together. He also has a 13 year old from a previous relationship. When his son was 4 we filed for joint custody because she was denying him visitation (even though she received $600 a month in child support). Anyways, we were granted joint custody everything we asked for. The problem is she lives in a different city and bad mouths my husband to everyone. She doesn't even list him as his father on his paperwork for school. She lists her husband. She bad mouths him on social media as well only referring to him as "dad" and that he can't wait until he goes back home to her. But my problem is he loves it when he is down with us. He has so much family that loves him. I can't understand why a woman would continuously do this even after 9 years of us having joint custody. I know she also tells their son things in hopes that he won't like his time with us. Its taking everything in me to not tell her something but should I?

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Clover - posted on 09/06/2016

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In time he will know what's true and he will resent his mother. For your current situation you could take her to court if you somehow can prove parental alienation which if it is bad enough could result in custodial parental rights changing. I would keep journals and documentation of everything to maintain a record and protect you and your family (including your step son) from someone who is trying to tear it apart.

Stay strong.

Sarah - posted on 09/04/2016

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Kids are so smart and they catch on to the games and name calling and ultimately he may resent her for her actions. I agree with the others, block all contact on social media. Be courteous and neutral in you conversations with her. Keep the door open for your step son to talk to his father and to you about his feeling and NEVER throw her under the bus.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2016

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Yes. it's sad that some people are like that, not much you can do about it though. You just need to be the bigger people and don't stoop to her level. The child is getting older and would know what is going on. Hopefully he is strong enough to ignore most of what his Mother says and make his own mind up.

Marie - posted on 09/04/2016

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It's crazy because one of the reasons she didn't want us to get joint custody is because her child support dropped over $300 a month. It's sad that women use children against the other parent as punishment. I would just think being a 35 year old woman she would grow up and be thankful their son has a loving father. My daughter who is 15 doesn't even know what her father looks like let alone get child support from him. He walked out. I hope he sees her for what she is someday.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2016

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I will tell you that his son will respect you and your husband a lot more if you keep your mouth shut and not bad mouth his Mother.
I was a child in that situation, my Mother would bad mouth my Dad all the time. When I grew up and looked back on it all I realized just how nasty my Mother was.
Ignore the Mother and like Little Miss said, block her on social media. You can't control what she says so it's best to just ignore it.
Just a side note, it doesn't matter how much child support was being paid, it has no relation to visitation. They are separate issues. A child isn't a possession that sees parents based on what they pay.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/04/2016

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No. But your husband can certainly call the school and ask for it to be mailed to him so he can be listed as a parent also.
Shut her down by blocking her on ALL social media. You cannot control other people and how they act or talk, you can only control your reaction to it. Never bad mouthing her in your home is the first step. The children do not need to witness it or be a part of it. She will do what she wants and so will you.

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