Step Parenting

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am living with my boyfriend and his two kids who are 10 year old twins. One boy and one girl. I moved in the thier house a year ago. We are having a huge issue with the kids being very disrespectful to myself and Doug as well. I try and get a long with them and do things for them ie do laundry, clean the sheets on the bed, take them out to dinner things like that and i get crap when i ask them to pick up after themselves. For four years yes it was just daddy and them with no major rules. Now I step in and I do not want major rules just simple ones like pick up after yourselves, clean your room, quiet down, take a bath. I get mouth back from the boy not so much the girl. I am just at a lost on what to do. Yes Doug wants to support them and myself. They feel as though hes not supporting them even though he is. At times I feel like he lets them get away with way to much. Any ideas on how to deal with this?


Siouxxsie - posted on 01/28/2009




Interesting, I was the single mother of twins (boy/girl) who are now 10 going on 11. When my husband stepped into the picture my twins were 6 years old, so the transition was maybe a little easier for them to adapt to having him in our home. As 10 year olds, they give me one heck of a time doing the small, simple tasks I ask of them being their actual mother. If kids have never been taught prior to, as to how to do these things or show respect, it does make it more difficult as they get older. I was a lot more laid back and "easy" on them when it was just the three of us because when it's just you calling all the shots you pick your "battles" differently I guess. My kids were never out right rude or disrespectful towards my husband, but I do think they did not respect him to the same extent as they do their real dad and myself. If you just continue to show patience and prove to them that you are a forever constant in their life that would be a good start. Being understanding of their circumstances and "getting down to their level of thinking" so you can better communicate is a huge difference! They need to feel/see your stability and consistancy. Try not to take it so personal in front of them too. Keep in mind ALL kids push their limits and extend their boundaries as much as they can until you pull em' back. I could go on more, but I don't want to bore you or be of no help either. I'm always available if you want to talk though. 10 year old twins are an awesome, yet crazy thing sometimes!! Keep in mind they are only 10 and they do not comprehend or get everything we do and it will take them some time to figure things out and be comfortable. Good on ya for all the hard work and effort you are putting into them, they need that big time. Dinners out with you for some personal "Melissa" time is wonderful!

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Waneka91 - posted on 01/02/2014




Im going thru the same with boy and girl 12 year old twins im engaged but im just wondering if i should stay.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009




He needs to set the rules and tell them not you. That will help you out. It is a very thin line when you are a step parent especially when there was no "mother" role model in the house. He needs to support you more and the kids are getting older and can help around the house more. Dad needs to step up. Hope this helps a bit.

Shawna - posted on 01/28/2009




I have a 9 yr old step daughter, he has fasd, and adhd. It is a big challenge yes. Her real mom gave up all her rights, anyways, i treat her like my other children, all equal. I ask her the same things u ask of ur step children, to pick up after herself and tidy her room, same with my 6 yr old girl. and if thsy do not listen to me when i ask of them, i remind them that they live here too and certain privlages will be taken away, like going to friends houses, favorite movies, vid games, ipod. They also have rewards such as picking out movies 4 movie night, lots of praise, having a roof over their heads and parents who love them and food on their plates, which is a given, but the other perks that i mentioned earlier that would be taken away are also included in their everyday rewards. I just tell them to suck it up and do it, i dont care if ur rolling your eyes, and they can keep their ipods or whatever, it teaches reality, cus if they break rules or disrespect the law, same things will happen to them, so sit down with the dad and kids and remind them whos boss, then if they see u mean business then they might stop disrespecting u and ur hubby. I hope that helped.

Tammy - posted on 01/28/2009




I have a 9 year old step son. Try and give them rewards like (ie movie or out to ice cream with just you) You're not bribing them cause when it comes down to it, you are also gettin the chance to spend time with them. Hope I helped at least a lil bit. Being a step parent is harder than just bein a parent.

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