Step Parenting at 26! HELP!

Georgina - posted on 08/26/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




Hello ladies,
How are you all? I am reaching out to those who are and have been step moms. I have been with my fiance now for almost 5 years and the only real contact that I have had with his daughter has been for 4-5 weeks at a time once a year. We live in different countries so this makes it hard for him. However I came into the picture at just 21 and she was 11. Not only was I still a young girl but so is she. He always told me that i would have to be her friend and that was it, I didnt really get a say. I know it sounds young 21 and all however I did my best to bite my tongue and let him do what he does. This child gets everything EVERYTHING! she ever wants iphones, nike trainers, converse, clothes, cheerleading stuff, sports activities, money for the weekends, and she still wants more! She gives out, its not enough and the worst part is that she comes from a lower-socio economic area than what I grew up in however has more material garbage than i ever had and she has absolutely no manners, no ettiquette and no idea on how to be kind, she lies to everyone around her, she lies to me and I feel that she does this because she could get away with it in the past, she paints such a bad picture and plays the pitty me card for such a young person it is worrying. Now my parents always stress its not about what you have, its who you are as a person. So i very much have the same ideals as they do about life and raising kids, the three of us didnt turn out so bad. But her dad has no control over her, she gets to choose what house she wants to stay at, no one checks up on her, if you catch her out she shouts at you and slams doors, and lies, lies, lies and all she wants you for is money. Now we are all living in the same country and all of this is magnified even more. She gives out about her father, which I assume is coming from her mother but she is the one that doesnt want to do anything about it.. and the most frustrating part is that her father doesnt address it.. oh I pulled her aside and had a chat! she needs more than that! she knows she has him in the palm of her hand, and now this is beginning to affect me, I do not believe that he has any control over her or that he has any interest in rectifying this behaviour. I am now 26 she is 15 and i have enough going on in my life, I have been through the ringer with her father and feel as though I have lost out on my youth because i have been supporting him and making sure he is alright, working jobs that keep us both OK and have never truly felt that there has been some me time. I know that may sound selfish but she isnt my child, I dont even have any of my own yet, I havent even organised my own life let alone all of this nonsense. I love and I have supported him, but I don't know how or who to be in both of their lives!
The more I see her upset him and then he takes out his mood on me! I cant deal with it! HAS ANYONE GOT ANY ADVICE???? I would greatly appreciate it as I am half a world away from Australia and missing the culture very much! x

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