Step parents conflicts

Starla - posted on 11/24/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband treats his daughter way different than his son or my children or our son we have together. It gets so frustrating at times I want to leave him. The first two years we were together I thought he treated his daughter better because he thought his son wasn't his we did a DNA test and he is his and he still treats them different. As for our son we have together he's only 4 months and he comes second best to the daughter too. Then he always spoils his daughter way more than any if the kids gives her more rewards attention and just all around everything more than my two and his two others. Not to mention she looks identical to his ex wife which makes me have crazy thoughts that maybe he's still into his ex and that's why he favors the girl the most. I don't I'm at a lost I can't stay in a relationship where all children aren't treated equally. When it comes to birthdays and Christmas even when we were dating I spent the exact same money on his children as I did my own and he doesn't do the same for mine or even ours together. Any advice on how to handle this or should I just call it quits and move on I know there are men out there that wouldn't b this way I have friends who's men treat all children as their own wether they are or not.

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LalaBoom - posted on 12/13/2013

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You are not sensitive or wrong, actually.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you need to have a family meeting only because this is treatment your children are seeing and will resent him and his daughter for it. I know counseling is $$$$, but if you have the $$ or the means, you and your husband need to get on board about this.

Approach your husband in a non-defensive way and point out exactly the things he does: giving in to [enter name of daughter] tantrum albeit clear rules for everyone in the household to follow. Set boundaries and follow them regardless of what he does. If he won't be a team player, your family will not last <--- he needs to be made aware of this in a non-defensive or confrontational way.

Sorry it took so long to reply, I just realized you had answered...

Starla - posted on 11/25/2013

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When I fix dinner I will get request from each child for instance what they want in their burger I will get all four plates out and and make all four burgers at once and serve them. Last night he asked his daughter what she wanted on her burger and my son walked in the kitchen and told my husband what he wanted and my husbands response was your mom will fix yours. Then later in the evening, we have three android tablets and only one iPad my husband told the kids 30 min each on iPad so everyone would share my son had it for 15 min and his daughter starts telling her dad it's her turn way before time is up and he first tells my son to give it to her my son responded my time isn't up so his daughter goes bk to my husband and whines daddy he won't give it to me so then my husband yelled at him to give it up to his daughter. Then he let her play it for an hour and a half while all other three boys including his son are begging for their turn but he doesn't make her take her turn. So today he was at work so I put all tablets and iPad up so I didn't have to deal with fighting over them. His children are only here on holidays. I also have strict rules on cokes and candy after late hours and he tries to undermine me by telling his kids they can have a coke after 8-830 when he knows I don't allow my children to do that. We have a four and a half month old together too and when his daughter is here he doesn't pay much attention to new baby either. And he doesn't cater to his other older boy either who is 9 but his 7 year old daughter does no wrong and is catered too the most. My boys are 7 & 6 and then the baby. I maybe just over sensitive cause I have never had step kids or daughters but I'm youngest of boys in my family and we were all treated equally all the time and even now.

LalaBoom - posted on 11/25/2013

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Can you give me some specific examples of things that he does?

I know this can be difficult as sht. My husband has always dreamed of a little girl. He has two....... with his ex....... and a high-conflict one at that....... I'll let you marinate on that, lol.

If your husband is anything like mine, he's probably too lost in being "daddy" that he doesn't realize what he is doing (even if you point it out). There's a lot you can do, but it really depends on **what** it is he is doing. It also depends on his daughter's age. Little girls can be VERY demanding and territorial when they're close to their daddies.

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