Step Son doesn't want to live with us

Emmy - posted on 08/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )





I have a 8 year old stepson who lived with us 50% of the time for years since he was 4. His mother told my husband that he no longer wishes to live with us and will only visit every-other weekend if he want to. He never seems to want to be with us. First off I'm hurt and my husband is devastated. We treat this child amazing. He is my son even tho i didnt give birth. we take him on trips. spend time with him. do homework, I make all his school parties bake goods as his mother doesn't bake or cook. I have a baby as well and he loves his new sister. i want to do things with her and i feel guilty going with out my stepson. Here is the questions: first do we force him to come? i hate the idea of forcing anyone to spend time with us if they really didnt want to? would it be better to let him just do things with his dad for a while and maybe make him miss me and his sister. Does my husband step back and maybe see if he misses him. We love him and its breaking our heart. I know he wants to be with his mom. every child wants their mother so i don't fault him. My mother in law (his grandma) told me if he wont come any more than no more taking him on trips (we try to do disney yearly) she says if he wont come see his father to visit why should he get to go and do the fun things our family does, with a family you take the good and the bad not just all the good, I don't know what to think of this. it makes since to some degree but seems cruel. Than again if he doesn't want to see us at our home or on his weekends than really why would he want to come on vacations with us? It feels like rewarding for not putting effort into our family, He will always be welcome at our home i just don't want a child who only uses us for xmas presents and vacations and thats how it feels right now. am I awful for thinking my in laws are right?


Sophia - posted on 01/19/2014




I am torn but agree with your in laws. I feel that our role as parents is to ultimately raise well adjusted productive children.
My step son has also recently expressed that he does not want to stay with us this summer, but was concerned and started crying becuse he became concerned about missing a planned vaction.
Allowing him to stay with us only during vacation time does not truly allow one to parent and ultimately I think it does not send the right message about our role as parents.
Just my two cents but I am struggling with
feeling rejected.
I am hurt and disappointed as we put in a lot of effort making sure that he had a funfilled but well balanced summer with camp and multiple trips.

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