Step Son - Gamer

Mimi - posted on 10/19/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi!! My boyfriends son came to live with us and I am trying to find things he can do (outside of his room) that will interest him. He isn't a big talker and plays a lot of "steam" games but I simply can't find anything other than Dave and Busters that he would care to take part in.. Any suggestions will be very appreciated!!
-Duluth, GA.
MB

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Mimi - posted on 10/21/2015

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My boyfriend is never off from work unless it is for something "he plans." But I will certainly do my very best to do right by all children. They deserve the best.

Mimi - posted on 10/21/2015

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You are amazing! That's precisely what I have done. I am involving him until they have no more time on devices. It's helped! You are 100% RIGHT!! He thrives on attention and the companionship of my children and myself.. He wants it so much he gets reeeeeealllly excited and loud. Makes me sad for him. My children even see it. Sorry.. Just breaks my heart. Thank you! Thank you so much for your insight. I will continue this until habit forms.

Lynnette - posted on 10/21/2015

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As for doing stuff with him or trying to have him do something other than play video games. Pick a certain day where your boyfriend is off of work and can sit down with the family. Have Tv, Cellphones, and computers turned off so no devices can distract them. Pull out a board game or a card game and have a family game night, or have a night where the whole family can go outside and have a fun sports day and play sports. and each day 1 child gets to pick what sport to play or what inside game they wanna play. electronics and video games are off limits until family game night is over.

Lynnette - posted on 10/21/2015

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Sit down with your boyfriend as well as him, and talk about things that either the family can do or what he wants to do with his father. Maybe all he really needs is some encouragement and someone to spend some quality time with. No matter what age a little bit of attention goes a long way. Even if that child is a loner they still seek attention but, some kids don't show it. Try looking at things from his perspective.

Raye - posted on 10/19/2015

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Sounds like you and your BF need to come up with house rules and restrictions. All kids with the same rules. And if you are with them most of the time, then his son needs to know that your BF will back you up as the authority when he's not there. Then chores, game time, etc needs to be on a fairly consistent schedule. It doesn't have to be set in stone, because situations change. But it should be known that they have a certain amount of time gaming, certain chores that they are responsible for doing during the week, and what the consequences are for back-talk or not doing as they should. As long as they know the rule and the consequence then you shouldn't feel bad for having them stick to it or for disciplining them when they don't.

Mimi - posted on 10/19/2015

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Thank you again.
Chores is a whole other issue!! Lol
I stay on top of my children because I need to know in my heart I have done all that I can to prepare them for the world.. Not all parents are like this.. Truly I appreciate your input!

Raye - posted on 10/19/2015

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I agree that too many parents use TV and electronic devices as babysitters because it's easier. It is unhealthy for the kids. My step-kids get 30 minutes per day on the computer/tablet (1hour on weekends) if they do a lesson first. We don't watch a lot of TV, either (when we married, I had to drastically reduce my TV time). My SD likes to read, and my SS likes to draw and play Legos. We also try to get out and do family activities. My husband has primary custody and is very involved in the kids activities and monitoring their time on electronic devices. I know what his household rules are, and I try to have the kids stick to those rules when I'm in charge. If they don't like it, they can always clean their room and help with chores.

Mimi - posted on 10/19/2015

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Yes, I agree. I have encouraged his dad to be more active and he is slowly making progress. I have talked to the young man and he really has no other interests except for computer games. Force is a rather harsh word to me. Yes I do believe that both the young man and my daughter get too much screen time, regardless what device they're on.. Because I am the only parent in the house I do have him get involved and not seclude himself. Too much seclusion is unhealthy - look at our society today.. Thank you for your time and sincere thoughts on this topic. I appreciate you.

Raye - posted on 10/19/2015

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It may be that he prefers seclusion and gaming. So do you let him do what he enjoys, or do you force him to be more "involved"? If you and his father decide that he's spending too much time on games, then you simply cut off internet and gaming time. He can either join the activities with your kids, or find other interests of his own. Sit and talk to him about what he's interested in other than games.

My nephew used to spend every waking moment playing computer games. He was fat. He didn't even want to go out to eat at a restaurant because he would miss "raids" on his game. It changed when he started working out with his older brother. He lost about 50 pounds and even had a date to the dance. My sister didn't force him, he just wanted to spend more time with his brother. So, maybe your BF could be more active in getting his son more interested in something if they could do it together.

Mimi - posted on 10/19/2015

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Thank you for your response. I am not trying to replace by no means or even claim a title. I am a mother and I understand how that might feel. This is my struggle actually. His mother is not in the picture for the most part. She has a lot of things going on in her personal life and has given the responsibility of raising their son to us. Though due to work the majority of the parenting is falling on my shoulders. I am not complaining as I have two children around the same age and I can just include him in our daily chores, activities and down time but I do actually worry about stepping on toes and being misunderstood. I was given this task at hand I did not request it, so I am trying my best to accommodate everyone. I just want to let "my boyfriends son" know that I care about his interests and hobbies too! I am trying to make sure he feels at home and comfortable. My request was not to explain my situation or reasoning, and though you were quite direct and abrasive I appreciate your thoughts... My request/question was do any moms know of activities that I can join or sign him up for that relate closely to a gamers likes.. ?

Raye - posted on 10/19/2015

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Oh, and for the record, you're not his step-mom until you are married to his dad. I am a step-mom, so I know it's easier to explain the relationship as if he were your step-son, but technically he's not. I'm not trying to be mean by that. You also have to realize that you can't be instant mom. Is his mom still in the picture? If so, then tread carefully and try not to "steal" her status as mother. You may be a million times better than his mother, but you're not her. Yes, you should care for him and be concerned for his health and well-being. But the majority of the big stuff should fall to his natural parents. You are the "mother figure" in the house, and the boy should respect you as an authority figure, but his dad should be taking on the major role in raising his son. And you and your BF need to be on the same page with how that raising should be handled.

Just my 2 cents as a step-mom.

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