Step Son/Husband Issues

Michelle - posted on 01/06/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi. I am in desperate need of advise. My SS is 15 and I have been raising him since he was 5. His mother has seen him 2 times a year (B-day/Xmas). Some years she doesn't even bother. This Christmas she didn't even call making it the 2nd Christmas in a row where she hasn't looked for him. The last visit he had (August 2013) she called me and said that he is annoying and talks to much. I told her he is just nervous around her and if she came by more he wouldn't be like that. Since then she stopped picking him up. For xmas he got a cell and sent her messages saying he was hurt and mad at us for not letting her come. He thinks we are the reason she doesn't come by. She lied and said money is tight and will pick him up.. (She never showed up) His father said until she is consistent with visits she can't see him because she is destroying him. He is now talking back to me, pushes his little brother & sisters around, hits, and refuses to do his chores. I have gone to my husband about this and he says I am picking on him. SS said I was lying and now my husband is mad at me. WOW This has been like this for years. He gets mad at his mom and takes it out on me. I told him (Finally) last night that we do everything for him and he is wiling to drop everything for her (Even his sports) and he will start seeing a counselor for help and he cried to his dad and got his way. HELP

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Ev - posted on 01/06/2014

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He really needs to be counseled and it should have happened long before now. I am not a doctor or anything but I have been through divorce and custody myself. I have had to work hard at making sure my kids still knew I loved them no matter what and that it was not them that caused the divorce. I have joint custody with their dad and its secondary and he is the primary. I am close to my kids and have made sure they knew I loved them. I made sure we had all our time together as much as possible. Sometimes illness or weather prevented it but they understood. We were lucky and did not need counseling. But a lot of people do. So as soon as he gets into it, maybe some things will get better for you guys.

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Michelle - posted on 01/06/2014

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Thank you. GREAT ADVISE! We have primary custody and she has secondary. She never agreed to a schedule during the court process. She also has 2 other older daughters , 16 & 18 and she has never raised. Its hard because she is all over Facebook posting pictures of concerts, going out, and fails to realize he is seeing it, So we made him cancel his FB because it is like he is begging her. Whats sad is that it has been like this since he was 2 months old when she left and he is in denial.

Ev - posted on 01/06/2014

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One word: Counseling for him and for the family. Also his dad needs to sit him down and tell him that its not you and his dad that keeps his mother away; its her choice. Also, I can see him talking a lot and being nervous around a person he sees so little of. On the other hand, if there is a visitation order, dad will be in violation of it if he does not allow her to see him when she does come to see their son. The boy is 15 years old and is old enough to form opinions of his own about his mother. Whatever damage that has been caused by her absence was her doing to the boy and it happened a long time ago. As for the boy's behavior around the family with hitting and so on, that needs to stop and that is where counseling will come in because he is venting his emotions and anger in this way as well as telling you guys off.

COUNSELING.

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