step son moving in...help

Ashley - posted on 05/14/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. I have an 8 year old daughter and we have a 4 year old son together. in Feburary we found out that his other son who he had only seen twice, age 8, was in foster care. His mother had a massive stroke 2 years ago and is in a nursing home. The boy, Beau, was living with his mothers boyfriend. When the boyfreind went to file for custody they did a back ground check and found out he was a sex offender and removed Beau from the home and placed him in foster care. We have went threw everything including back ground checks, drug testing, home visits and court.we moved into a bigger house so we would have more room for him. We were awarded coustdy. He is still in foster care until the end of school because he live 2 hrs away and no one wanted him to have to move school again this year. May 25th he will be moving in! Im not sure if im excite or nervous! He is a very quiet kid. Very smart gets along as well as to be expected with my kids. He has been threw alot in the last few years and i feel so bad for this kid. The problem im having is im not sure where to start. He will not eat. he will not help clean his room, that he shares with my 4 year old son. he wil not play outside. he wants to sit in front of a computer or a tv all day long. we are not like that. we are outside people. he will not talk to us at all. they have him on ADD meds that make him a zombie and we dont feel he needs them. he has been very sheltered and from the sounds of things had no strutcre no disapline no rules. How do i make him feel at home in my home? How do i start to teach this kid that there are rules in this house that he has to follow and get him off of the computer?? Any help would be great! im at a loss as to where to start. I dont want to tramitize him anymore. Thanks so much!!!

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Amy - posted on 05/14/2013

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Since he's 8 years old I would sit him down on his arrival to go over the rules in the house. Set up a schedule of time he's allowed to use the computer/tv each day, maybe even allow him to earn more if he does household chores like clean his room. Try to offer at least one thing at each meal that he will eat, then encourage him to try the other foods. Find a family counselor that you can all see together. If you feel he shouldn't be medicated see a doctor about having him reevaluated, I would not take him off his meds without a doctor overseeing it.

Just be patient with him, he's been through so much and it's going to be difficult for him.

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