[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )
I have been with my fiancee for 3 1/2 years now. His son was born in 2004. My fiancee is a 47 year old professional and his ex-wife is a 48 year old school teacher. You would think they have some combined abilities to raise their son.
I am a reasonable yet "strict" by today's standards, parent. I still expect children to show respect. Look after their things and do their part to keep themselves and their space clean. I expect them to "be kids" and have fun but I expect them to take their education seriously and make good decisions for themselves.
This child is not only lazy but glutenous, careless, manipulative and lacks any self discipline. His mother is selfish and his father does not like conflict. Their lives never revolved around this kid and during the past 3 1/2 years I have tried to raise him as I do my own. Needless to say it is not easy or even possible if his parents are not putting in the effort to ensure rules are placed and that each house has it's own expectations of him.
I have gotten to the point where I hate the kid. I blame both parents and I don't want to be part of the child's life. I'm quite happy staying out of the way when he is over. The child has also made it quite clear that he does not like me and fears me because I do hold him accountable and there is punishment involved when he has really done something bad, like forgetting to bring his homework home 3 weekends in a row or sticking boogers on our walls and furniture.
His father's access to him is now once every 2 weeks. I have tried repeatedly to get him to talk with his ex with regards to Paul's behaviour. They eventually did but only after he started getting in trouble at school. I am at a point where I dread him coming over because each visit will result in him flooding out toilets (they have NEVER flooded when he was not here), breaking things due to his clumsy nature and staying in his room till it's time for him to be fed. At which point he will always try to eat the least healthy thing on a menu (if we treat them to a dinner out) or eat like an animal with no idea what to do with a napkin or a knife and fork.
I use to be a very supportive and understanding step-parent to him but I don't have the patience nor will I put in any more effort to teach him manners, socialize with him or even be nice to him. I will not put up with his behaviour and it will only get worse...as it has shown to have already affect his schooling and his environment with friends and family. I feel that if I can be a "good step-parent" that I should not be a part of this kids life. How does one do this and not end their perfectly fine home life and love life?