Stepchildren are out of control

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I got married about a year ago to a wonderful man with 7 kids, yes 7. And I have 2 of my own bringing it to a grand total of 9. Things were going great until we moved into our new home and rented out of guest home to his ex-wife. (not my idea) Now I have no control. The kids are over there at her house most of the time unless they come over to our house to eat or if they need something. (she doesn't have a lot of the essentials like a washer and dryer or vacuum or band aids or toothbrushes) they will literally come over to eat and then leave without picking up after themselves. When I ask, they just walk off or try to debate and refuse to do any chores. I feel like I'm just here as a maid. Even the ex-wife comes over and does her laundry, yet leaves the kids laundry for me to wash. And my husband works on the road so he's only here 2 days a week. How do I regain their respect so I go back to being a parent instead of a maid?

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Dove - posted on 07/07/2015

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If he's only there 2 days a week then he either needs to back you up on whatever you are comfortable with or he needs to stay out of it when he is not home.

If you are using her for rides... then I guess you are just going to have to let her use you for 'maid service' unless you can figure out another type of deal. Just because she leaves laundry for you to do... does not mean you have to do it. They come over to eat, but do they make the food... or do you make it for them? How old are these kids?

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Amanda - posted on 07/07/2015

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I make the food for them. They range from 4-15.... I realized that today about the laundry, it was covered in cat urine, and was originally a blanket I had let the kids use over here. I've decided to put my foot down and no longer allow them to take our things over there since they aren't being taken care of... And I actually had a breakthrough today, I put 4 chores on pieces of paper and let them each draw out their own chore. Then I told them once they got the chore done I would make supper. It worked out pretty good. They enjoyed picking a chore themselves. And also when the 7 year old asked if he could play outside, I said no and he debated and then I just said because I said no and that's the end. He kind of looked at me weird and didn't say anything else. So I'm trying, I'm definitely not giving up yet. They used to be good kids and I know they can be again

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2015

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We moved into the big house first and a couple months later, she got evicted from her house so we let her rent out our rent house. I told my husband I wasn't comfortable with it but he said it would be good for the kids

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/07/2015

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Well something has to change. Did you not address the potential situation prior to moving?

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2015

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It's not that easy. I don't think their father would go for that. I'm not even sure how to bring it up. Also, she doesn't have a stove over there to cook them dinner and she's hardly even there. And to make make matters worse, I am currently without a vehicle so I have to depend on her for rides. (I'm not from here and I don't know anyone)

Dove - posted on 07/07/2015

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I'd lock them out...

You can sit down w/ the kids and make a list of rules to be followed while they are in your home and if they can not do that... you can lock them out except for when their father is there. If the ex-wife wants to do her laundry... point her in the direction of the nearest laundromat.

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