Stepkids wont help out!

Kerry - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my son is 18 and living away from me, i live with my partner and his 2 sons (aged 13 and 16) for the last year and half. My main issue is with chores. I like a house to be clean and tidy but as he didnt ask them to do chores before i think he and they feel like they dont need to do them now,i feel like a slave. Doing a dishwasher or taking out there own plates, cups, wrappers doesnt get done etc seems to be left for me and iv had enough. They have been asked to do them but never do and i feel my frustration building everyday when he doesnt back this up or ask them to do it. I am starting to hate him now and feel alone and angry. Iv now decided i am not cleaning the house just doing my mess and washing to see if this works...... This is my last resort as iv tried talking to him but he gets defensive saying they are kids they shouldnt have to do anything. PULLING MY HAIR OUT!!!!!!

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Krista - posted on 06/26/2012

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Your partner is an idiot. These aren't tiny children -- they are teenagers, and one of them is going to be living on his own in another couple of years! They need to learn how to at the VERY least, clean up after themselves. Your partner is doing them a huge disservice -- these boys will wind up growing up into utter slobs who expect their girlfriends to take care of them (and not too many girls will put up with THAT shit nowadays.)

I'd try talking to your boyfriend one more time, saying, "If you don't teach them any responsibility at home, how do you expect them to take care of themselves when they're out on their own? Not too many girls are willing to put up with boyfriends who won't even tidy up after themselves. I know you think that you're being kind to them, but you're actually sending them out into the world with a huge disadvantage, here."

If he still won't listen...then I would say, "Fine. YOU pick up after them, then." And I'd seriously reconsider the relationship. Your partner has no problem whatsoever with the idea of you being taken advantage of like this. He has no problem with you having to play maid to his teenagers. That shows a fundamental disrespect for you, really. And I don't know if I'd want to be with someone who shows so little respect for me.

Brittany - posted on 06/26/2012

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Ugghghhh - I have been going thru the same thing with my 14/16 yr old step sons, although I don't find myself resenting them - I do find myself feeling like a slave in my own house, 8 months pregnant. Sooo frustrating. My boyfriend does back me up sometimes, but usually he tells me we need to choose our battles and this one isn`t worth it, well when your cleaning up after 3 children, 2 adults (bf & his sister) along with 2 dogs all while being this goddamn pregnant to me it is ABSOLUTLEY worth the battle.

Last week - I went on strike.
I took bubble baths all day, went for walks - cooked for just myself, I didnt touch the laundry or clean up after the dog yard. I didnt even go grocery shopping LOL

Well by sunday, our house was disgusting. Like I mean gross hahaha, and I refused to do it without everyone helping. It took all of us maybe 2 hours, to have the entire house spotless, the yard cleaned, supper started, laundry going ect ect and once it was completed I sat the whole family down, and explained how over run I was feeling. Simple little things like emptying the garbage just to give me a hand were all that were needed to help keep me happy. I am not a mindless cleaning drone, all these tasks take up all of my time, when everyone helps it can be done in a couple hours while everyone jokes and helps eachother. Well its only tuesday today - but I must say the kids have been putting their dishes in the dishwasher - my BF asked them to clean up after dinner last night and to take care of their own laundry.

Its funny how just a little bit of acknowledgement can make you feel soooooo much better and want to do your chores again. I dont feel nearly as bitter today.. but, we will see how long it lasts ;)

Maybe this will work for you if not I hope you got a kick outta my past week haha just know your not the only momma feeling this way but you have to get it out and talk about it, because the resentment withour acknowledgement one day will make you walk out. Sit them all down and explain you cant be the janitor of the house :) Good luck!

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