Lisa - posted on 01/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
Hi. My name is Lisa and I am new to this forum. I was a widower with three boys and married a man who also has three children. Together we have six beautiful kids. My husband has been in a very nasty and heated custody battle the entire time we have been together (4 years) and his ex-wife has brainwashed and alienated the children from him. He has fought for custody of the kids and has gone from 18% custody to 50/50. Needless to say she is still battling the terms of that 50/50 and so it goes on and on and not to mention about 200,000 in court/lawyer/evaluators fees. She poisons the children and it is sickening and sad to watch the emotional abuse they suffer with her.
Here is my dilemma. The custody battle is causing marital problems for us. I am and always have been a child advocate as I had worked in childrens ministry for 11 years and I feel very passionate about kids. I love ALL of my children by marriage and I am angry seeing what they endure.
My husband shares information with me (emails, texts ) from her and my blood boils. He needs my support and instead of just letting him make the decisions and be supportive of him I listen and more than not have a problem with how he handles it and I am vocal about it. I feel like it is my battle and I know it is his and I find myself confused because we are married, together and we are united. I feel like I try to protect him from making more mistakes and I am also trying to protect the children when I know I can't when they aren't with us. All of our children get along and love being together (5 boys age 14, two 12's, two 10's and 1 girl age 7). I find myself becoming resentful at times of the children and I do know that the things they say and do are not entirely their fault as they are under pressure and tremendous negative influence with their mother.
I am thankful that the courts have seen it now and have granted the 50/50 although there is nothing in writing yet as she refuses to be reasonable. Why can't I be happy about that? Why can't I just sit back and keep my mouth quiet and just support my husband? Why do I want to fight so fiercely for my children by marriage?
I really could use some help as it is really hurting my marriage. Please give me some guidance and feel free to ask my any questions for clarification as our situation is very complicated.
Thank you. Lisa