Danika - posted on 09/04/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
Ok, so I am not exactly a "stepmom" yet, but my bf and I have been together for almost 3 years and I do see marriage in our future, I am 27 and he is 25. He has a daughter from his previous relationship, she is 2 and a half. Just to explain, he and I started dating around the same time she was born, he and the mother were not together and do not get along.
I was not "allowed" to meet or be a part of their daughters life for the first 18 months, those were her mothers wishes and I never did anything to disrespect that. Her mother would only allow my bf to visit his daughter at her house under her supervision, he was not allowed to take his daughter anywhere without her. Finally they went to court and he was granted joint custody, so now we have his daughter at our house every 2nd week from Thurs-Sun and then one day during the week in between. She is a wonderful little girl and I love having her around. I have only "officially" been in her life for the past 10 months, but our relationship has grown a lot since the first day she came over.
Now here is why I am writing this post. I have been having a lot of trouble feeling "accepted" during her stays with us. She loves playtime with me, we sing, dance, color and play hide-and-go-seek, however when it comes to me trying to help my bf with parenting, it's a challenge. If my bf has to step out of the house for a bit, all I hear is "Where's daddy?" repeatedly. Sometimes if I even try to help get her dressed, put her in her carseat or even if I simply try pushing the shopping cart at the grocery store, she'll start crying and says "Noo I want daddy to do it!" She won't let me give her a bath and if I try putting her to bed, she only lets me read a couple stories but then starts to cry because she wants her daddy. I panic if my bf has to leave the house for a few hours while she is sleeping because I can't sooth her when she wakes up crying. I have started picking her up from daycare because my bf has to work a bit later, and this has given us some alone time together which is great, but she will still ask constantly "where's daddy?" and only wants him for most things when he is around.
I'm at a loss, I feel like I have tried to be understanding, I know she is just a child but I feel so unwanted and unappreciated at times. It's to the point where I don't even want to try and do those things anymore just to avoid the feeling of being rejected again. I know my bf tries to understand but he really doesn't. When he asks if I want to try and bathe her or put her to bed and I say no, he just says she won't warm up to me if I don't try. Maybe he's right? But I just don't feel comfortable "forcing" her to accept me if she doesn't want me, especially when she is crying out for him.
So, should I keep trying anyway and will she eventually accept me? Or should I just leave that kind of stuff up to him, since she is his daughter and not mine?? Has anyone gone through the same experience? I'm really hoping for some positive feedback and advice.