Antoniatheduck - posted on 10/06/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )
I've recently gotten married and I'm finding it really hard to be a stepmom to my husband's two kids, a boy, 14 and a girl, 12. Sometimes it's so hard, I think about leaving my husband. I've always liked kids and want to have some of my own as soon as I can, but I feel stressed, angry and resentful when the kids are around - mostly with husband - who seems to think I should just automatically "love" the kids and be as "delighted" as he is when they come over. The worst part is that my husband doesn't stick to the custody agreement. We are supposed to have the kids every Wednesday night and every second weekend. But his son always wants to come over at other times, and sometimes my husband just invites them over without telling me. So many times, I'm expecting to have a quiet, romantic weekend with my new husband, when boom! I am cooking and cleaning up after the kids and listening them watch football all weekend...I've come to love his daughter and I often enjoy her company, but his son still ignores me, does a lot of sulking, leaves the room when I enter, makes a mess and does things that damage the house (like playing soccer inside) and demands all of his father's attention. I hate the way my husband behaves around him. He won't discipline him, says yes to everything he asks for, completely ignores me when he's there and doesn't ever correct his son's behaviour towards me. I know how much my husband loves him, but I don't respect his parenting style and feel like his pussyfooting around his son makes everything worse. And I hate the way he just expects me to look after his daughter when he can't and rarely says thank you. Moreover, I hate that he's always "springing" the kids on me. Even biological parents look forward to time without their kids...but my husband often makes me feel like a bad person for not wanting them there. The truth is, it always ruins my weekend and I want to be as far away from them as I can. I feel so uncomfortable, in my own home! I love my husband but every time we try to talk about this we have horrible fights where he accuses me of being "unfair" to his kids like I was some wicked stepmother who is completely against them. Yet, it's not the kids I'm mad at or frustrated with - it's their dad and his fervent expectation that I should just automatically love his kids or else I must be a terrible person. I truly do want him to have a positive relationship with his kids, but it seems to be at the expense of my relationship with him. And how can I change his parenting style when they're not my kids? Does anyone have any advice about how to get through to him? And how to stop feeling like a bad person? Am I being unfair and is there a way to improve my feelings about his kids? Or do I need leave him?