stepmoms Husband wants his 3 yr granddaughter to sleep over I Don't !

Anita - posted on 10/26/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

3

0

1

text ! email !
Step mom married 20 yrs is close to calling it quits. Short version. English nanny travelled to USA married 3 months later to the children's Dad aka her boss.
Ex wife savertaged relationship with my 5yr step son imagine appalling the worst He has resented me and disliked me from day one. Husband always stood by him no matter what. Spoilt super idiot by 21yrs dated an 18 yr mexican. She refused to live with her father and her mother divorced him and moved back to mexico.She Bounced around living with girlfriends parents as she refused to live with her dad. Her visa expired and she was told by her autorney to return to Mexico. My stepson lived in a cottage my husband gave to him. He couldnt get a job bla bla bla BS
The girl moved in and was pregnant 1 1/2 months she later told me she was surprised it took so long ???? must move on. My husband has been in the babies life from Day One. It took me 2 1/2 years and an upcoming wedding to pressure me in to a meeting. I have met them all 9 - 10 times since. They have been to our house and we have all been out to dinner. I have felt comfortable at this pace. The 3 year old had a birthday party at our home i met her sister for the first time. It was a nice day.
My husband announced the next day it was time to have the toddler over night. Panic bells started i was stunned i let him know exactly where i stood. An a disagreement started. He basically in a joke said if i was't happy i should go and see my girlfriend in Atlanta. disagreed with every reason why i didn't want this and was not going to be pressured into anything I was not comfortable with. He then said well next year she will be old enough. I had a melt down and just enough is enough was enough for me/ I do suffer from Depression and sleep a lot. My husband is controlling and critical. He always is sorry when he has hurt me. I feel completely alone and think can i go on. I do not know this child my relationship is warm and very respectful to my step son and his wife. I do see some scarey traits emerging. No please or thank you and been told to hurry up by a three year old and some !!!! She does not speak in full sentences and is sassy ?? Since she was 18 when she had the baby she is not mature and doesn't seem to be correcting her. My stepson works all the time and looks tired and worn out. Is there anyone who is thinking and feeling the way i think. I know my husband is bonding quickly to her and i don;t blame him its his first. For me i just want to run a way from it all as i can see what is coming. ANY Stepmoms out there who know where iv'e been. I have hung on in there for so long but all i want to do is to climb into bed and stay there where i can sleep rest my mind and feel warm and safe. Im 47 its pathetic i am a grown women and look how i'm
acting . I am overwhelmed and when i have posted this i will cry and go back to bed.
Yours Sincerely
Anita needs any help

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 10/28/2015

11,905

0

1350

We can support you, but the fact is that you can not control what someone else chooses to do. If your husband won't listen to you... how exactly are WE supposed to change HIS mind? We can't.... and it seems clear that you can't either. All you CAN do is choose how you will react to his decisions.

Dove - posted on 10/26/2015

11,905

0

1350

If the child's grandfather wants her to have a sleepover and the parents are OK w/ it... it really isn't your place to say no. Granddaughter and grandfather have a RIGHT (provided the parents approve) to a relationship w/ each other.

It definitely sounds like you have some issues that should be worked through in counseling. If your husband is abusive and controlling... you might want to rethink staying in a relationship w/ him. Go to counseling as a first step and discover what you really want out of life and remember one very important fact... the ONLY person on the planet that you have the power to control is yourself. You can not control the actions of other people... all you can control is your reaction to those actions.

MaryAnn - posted on 10/26/2015

347

0

17

I think youre a little quick to criticize the mother of your grandchild. Three year olds often need to be reminded to use their manners. They're generally impatient, and when they are excited, they are often quick to forget how to act appropriately. Time with grandpa is limited, therefore super exciting. Just because the little one is given a bit of leeway because of the excitement does not mean the mother isnt disciplining. You really dont know what goes on out of your earshot and sight.
Grandparent sleepovers are very important for the grandparent relationship. And equally, your peace in your home is important to you.
I would really suggest you just allow those sleepovers to happen. It is sooo important. However,i also suggest you form some reasonable boundaries, house rules and limitations.
For example, your bed is your sanctuary, absolutely no children in your room.
The stove is dangerous, no children in the kitchen while it is on.
You need your sanity, if there is too much noise and excitement, it is brought to the yard, local park, whatever,to run off steam.
If you cant handle that, best to get away for the weekend.

4 Comments

View replies by

Raye - posted on 10/26/2015

3,761

0

21

Maybe you need to start seeing a counselor to work through some of these issues. Some of what you're saying sounds like you are very introverted... which means you limit your time around other people and need time alone to "recharge your emotional batteries" to be able to face people again. Especially with what you consider to be bratty kids, it can take its toll on you. But, the only way to get to know this child, and possibly influence her for the better, is to be around her. She sounds like a pretty normal kid. She is your husband's blood family, and he is going to have more attachment to her than you do. But you should still treat the girl as family, because as long as you're married to her grandfather then she is family.

I am a step-mom, so I know it's hard dealing with the drama of the ex-wife and children that can seem ungrateful. But you either have to deal with it (and get help for yourself if you need it), or get out. If you continue to try to avoid the issues and hide in bed, you will remain miserable.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms