Stepsisters and Birthday Parties...

Val - posted on 03/13/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My DD and SD are the same age. We have been married for ten months and they have a great relationship. Last year, DD invited SD to her sleepover and it didn't go so well. SD didn't know anyone, so she came across as too protective and bossy. DD was not happy because her friends complained.

Since then, they have gotten along like best friends... it has truly gone much better than I would have even expected. So imagine my surprise when my DD told me this morning that she is having her sleepover at her dad's house this year and she doesn't want to invite SD.

I am very upset because I know SD will be DEVASTATED. DD says it just didn't go well last year... but since then, SD has gotten to know some of the girls better and I don't think it will be a problem. I also think that DD (both 11) should talk to her and tell her that last year didn't go well, but she would appreciate her letting her run her show this year... I am all about communication.

I fear this will cause a terrible rift between the girls and that SD will forgive, but not forget this. I also don't want DD to be a little social hungry snob who doesn't invite her own sister because she is worried what her friends say. I want her to know that her sisters are her CONSTANT and that she should be ready to protect and defend them as needed. I have no patience for excluding family....



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Val - posted on 03/13/2014




I agree that we shouldn't FORCE anything, but I completely disagree that "They will never have the bond that true siblings have". Having a stepsister of my own, I can say that is not fact.

The thing I am struggling with is not that she doesn't want her there... because I would respect that if they weren't close and didn't get along. The problem I have is that her reason appears to be because two of her friends don't like her stepsister. I asked her why she didn't want to invite another one of her best friends who was omitted and she said, "So-and-so HATES her" and that same girl is one who doesn't like her stepsister. I'm afraid she is one of those "mean girls."

Michelle - posted on 03/13/2014




While I agree that you should always be there to support and protect your siblings, technically they aren't sisters. They will never have the bond that true siblings have and you shouldn't try and force it. you have only been married 10 months, it's all still in the "honeymoon" phase.
Your daughter has every right to choose who she wants at her party and making her have someone she doesn't want there will just cause more issues.
I do agree that your daughter needs to tell her step sister why she is having her party at Dad's this year but don't make a big issue out of it. You forcing things will only make a bigger divide between them later.

NAzia - posted on 03/13/2014




I know what you mean my older boy rather play and share his stuff with his friends rather than his little brother he doesn't want to help him with nothing he said he don't have to do nothing for his brother

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