Stepson Problems

Branda - posted on 11/23/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I just want to start out by saying I am so glad I am not the only Step mom out there that has the same issues!!!
I have a 10 year step son that I have raised since 2 years old. His mother was very heavy into the party life including drugs. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and the kids were back in forth between parents for the first couple years and for the last 5 years both step kids have lived in our home Court ordered. Their bio mom was not in the picture for the last 3 years solid. I had never had any issues with either step children up to recently. Their bio mom burnt every bridge possible including 2 felonies. She went almost a whole year without even calling her children, didnt even call her son on his 10th birthday nor went to her daughters 8th grade graduation (a very important day for her). Now that she apparently hit bottom or so we hope she has been supposedly clean for 2 months and now is calling almost everyday and we even let the kids visit with her during fall break. Thats when the problems started with my step son. When hes visiting shes "Vacation Mom". With her it's "fun" no responsibilities no chores no homework. In my home I am very strict when it comes to homework (good grades) and helping out around the house. we are a family of 5 and everyone has their jobs to help out. Every since his bio mom has come back into picture he has it set in his head he wants to go live with his bio mom and boyfriend and just doesnt feel he needs to abide by our rules anymore. Its almost like hes acting out on purpose so we'll send him there. He never listens to what we say. Everyday I am repeating myself and everyday its the same battle just to get him to care about school. Hes always done very well in school and had a happy attitude. and now he doesnt even want to be here. He even went to the extent to tell his bio mom on the phone he wants to run away because he hates it here so much. If things arent going the way he wants it or we aren't doing things he wants to do he pouts and has a very bad attitude and ruins everyone elses good time.
I'm having such mixed feelings about his urgency to want to live with his bio mom. I am hurt that he's so rude to me and negative like hes completely forgotten I have been there for him and she has not. I am also so pissed off. I find myself not even wanting to be around him and very irritated when hes around. I hate feeling like this. A part of me wants to let him go live with her almost to prove him wrong but I am afraid she will fall off the wagon and he will become part of a bad situation (a situation I have protected him from all along). I have always told both my step kids that I will never try to replace their mom but for him to just hate being here because we don't treat him like a baby blows my mind.. I need advice on whether he should be able to live with her. Should we just take that chance and let him win. I am so frustrated and stressed out its coming between my spouse and I and I just cant take it anymore....I have just always wanted their mother to take care of them..Should I make her take responsibility for the children she decided to have????

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