[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )
I married a man two years ago that I adore. It was a second marriage for both of us. He has two boys (14 and 16) and I never wanted children of my own. This obviously is a challenge for us everyday. I care about his kids but to say I love them unconditionally is not realistic for me. It's a challenge for me for sure both personally and due to the fact his previous marriage is still ugly to this day after 8 years of being divorced. And, no, I didn't even know him while he was married and met a year after he was divorced.
My challenge is this. The kids and I get along and they really do like me and vice versa but I am not connected with them. I understand this is me but I'm 45 and so it is. Anyway, my husband wants to take his youngest son out of town on his weekend. The oldest doesn't want to go. His grandparents are out of town and so now the oldest son wants to stay with me and not go with his dad. His dad knows I'm uncomfortable havin them spend the night here if he's not here and until now it's never been an issue. He wants to stay here and have a little party for his upcoming birthday and his dad won't be here. I am uncomfortable with that for several reasons. Firstly, I feel it's inappropriate for a 16 year old boy to be here with just me. (I don't feel comfortable with that and with his mom's history, I'm don't feel comfortable with may happen with her.) but mostly because it's the weekend they have to visit with their dad. And if he is not here, then I am not sure why it is an issue. The younger one can go with his group of friends that are also going out of town. It's for a tennis tournament and the dad can stay here with the oldest.
I can't help but think it's a little bit of a jab for my husband to show his ex that look my kids like my new spouse but not yours...which is true for the oldest son. Whatever the reason, I don't feel comfortable and I said that. Obviously, my husband is upset but I do not want to get involved with what could happen. Sounds selfish but there is ugly history I have seen with my husband and ex and we had a discussion about this before our marriage and I told him where my intentions were which is I don't want to be expected to take care of your children on your weekends. Those weekends are for you and your kids and with me but they are boys and you are their dad and that relationship needs to be secured.
Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this?