Stepson testing me as step mom

Priscilla - posted on 08/12/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )




He's 7 and is treated like a baby. He baby talks a lot and gets way too many chances when not listening. Not even my 4 year old get more than 2 chances to straighten up. When I try to discipline him, he will totally ignore me. When I repeat myself, he acts like he didn't hear me the first time. Tonight he kept ignoring what his dad was asking him to do. I eventually got tired of it and I firmly told him to get in the shower now!! Because he was going to bed early. He crying so hard and his dad went after him. Now he wants to talk to his mom and his dad is allowing him to call her. I don't think it's right. This is our home. Our rules and his mother has nothing to do w the situations that go on here. This is just going to cause conflict. What do you ladies think?...


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/14/2015




Sounds like his father needs to step up. If you are both in agreement about discipline, etc, then your husband needs to explain to his son about the rules, and enforce them, not slide on them.

But first, however, you BOTH need to be in agreement on rules.

Candie - posted on 08/13/2015




Do you and DH have set boundaries that you both agree on? It's a good idea to have consequences to every child's actions, but it's more important that they see both parents in agreement. I always bring up the book, Have a New Kid by Friday, by Kevin Leman. It's pretty basic information, but it was so helpful to my family! Good luck!

Dove - posted on 08/13/2015




You and his dad need to sit down and talk together about what you will BOTH allow and not allow. If his dad is not sticking to it then you need to address it w/ him privately and not confront the child about it.

You ALWAYS let the child call the other parent anytime they want to. His mother may have nothing to do w/ the rules in your house, but she IS his mother and he has every right to talk to her whenever he wants to. That is never something you take away from a child.

Raye - posted on 08/13/2015




You need to be on the same page as the father, and you should let HIM do most of the rule enforcing and discipline. It is his child, and ultimately his responsibility under the law. You, as the step-mom, should work within his established guidelines of how the father wants the child raised. If you disagree or find a gray area, then discuss it with the dad, don't just act on your own against the child. Like-wise, it's good if the bio-mom and the father can be on the same page, or at least not contradict the other one's authority. The one outside the home really has no say in what goes on inside the home. But if it makes the child feel better to speak with his mom, then he should be able to.

Jodi - posted on 08/13/2015




It sounds to me like it is YOUR rules not OUR rules. You and dad are not on the same page and it really is NOT your place to discipline your stepchild.

If he wants to call mum, he should be allowed to - this should never be something you remove as a form of punishment or to prove a point. If this causes conflict between you and your partner, then that is not HER doing, or even the child's doing, that is on you and your partner and the fact that you are clearly not working as a team.

Priscille - posted on 08/13/2015




I think that the most important thing in your situation is that you and his dad work as a team here and are on the same page as to what is allowed, not allowed, etc... It matters less that he has 2, 3, 4 or more chances than him knowing that you are both agreeing on that. It's okay for him to call his mum or not call his mum as long as both you and your partner feel the same about it. The stronger the communication and agreement between you and his dad, the easier it will be for him to accept you as a step mom. With of course a lot of love lavished in between!! :)

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