Still birth

Joanneleather - posted on 10/02/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi I've just recently gave birth to my first baby at 22 weeks and five days she was born with no heartbeat on Saturday afternoon I still can't believe this has happened to me and my boyfriend and now we are having to arrange a funeral for our daughter wich is not something I ever imagined doing, our little angel was born on my boyfriends 21st birthday and I was due on my 21st in January, but now Alls I can think of is when to try again and what if this happens again as you will know you have to wait for test back anyway but I know I will never feel complete until we have a baby no one would ever replace our little girl but i still want my family and want to try as soon as we can but I am so worried about it happening to us again! Can anyone help xx

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Joanneleather - posted on 10/03/2014

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Thankyou so much! It's nice to know were not the only people this has happened to and there is people you can talk to who know what it's like it's just the worst thing who think you were going to have a family then all of a sudden it's taken away from you xx

Valerie - posted on 10/02/2014

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I don't think that anyone can help, but I can say a prayer and wish you the best of luck and may the best thing for you happen and happen soon! You're still young yet, so you may want to take the time to reflect on your life and make sure that you have the best life set up for any future babies that may be blessed to come your way. And make sure that you still would want to have frequent contact with your boyfriend 20 years from now should you have children and then break up at a later time. I'm a big believer in that things happen, good and bad, to teach us, make us stronger, and make us wiser. Maybe what happened was supposed to call attention to something that could be done differently in your life or maybe it was just to make you a stronger person who is much less likely to take life for granted in the future.

One personal recommendation is that I'd wait a bit before trying again, and I truly know how hard that is. It took me nearly four years before I got my youngest son, and I'm wiser and more grateful for him every day than I would have been otherwise. He's almost 14 months and I don't know how long it will take before I take having him around for granted. That looong time of disappointments, longing, and hurt gave my boyfriend and I time to get married, have him get a stable full time job that would support me to stay at home, and allowed me to work for a while so we could save up money to buy our own house so our new babies would always have a solid roof over their heads. Give it at least a couple months past January to make sure both you and your sig. other are still of sound mind to give another baby the best of both of you.

I truly wish you the best. Focus your efforts on improving your life. Trying to reach goals will give you something to focus on and this will help to dull the pain. Believe me, I know it's hard, but try not to make impulsive decisions out of pain and longing. Start building the life you want for yourself and your kids 5 years from now instead of what would help you feel better now. If you want to stay at home, set your life up with low bills and a good housing situation now or you may find yourself working in 5 years and unable to see your precious babies as much as you'd like.

If it makes you feel any better, losing one baby doesn't have any bearing on whether or not you'll lose another one. Each pregnancy is different. Sooooo many women I know (myself included) have lost a baby only to go on and have as many as 4 more! I'm happy for you that you were able to be pregnant in the first place, which is a blessing that some women will never have and is a good omen for your future. So when you do eventually end up pregnant again, don't have extra stress, just have extra love and appreciation for the new little life growing in you.

I wish you the best, my dear. I know that this hurts, but just know that you're not alone and that you've got someone out here on your side hoping that everything works out well for you. Keep me posted as to how you're doing if you're up to the task.

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