Lana - posted on 02/28/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
In Nov 2012 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My pregnancy was a textbook pregnancy from the moment my husband I decided to have a baby. I avoid all the bad things that could possibly be passed on to my son - from not painting my nails or using any chemcials in my hair. Eating wasn't a challenge for me execpt I couldn't stand the smell of meat. I took my vitamins accordin to schedule each day at the same time. I slept on my left side and made sure I was not to strech, bend or carry heavy things. Every ultrasound was like a milestone and we would have a little party with the family. All my OB appointments were great he had such a strong heartbeat each time. My blood work came back normal and any test I have done came back normal.
One day before going on mat leave I had an OB appointment and I was 37 weeks and one day. The day that my world fell apart...Waiting at the OB office I look around to see other women who were close to deliverying as well. When it came time to hearing the heartbeat she couldn't find it and she figured he was hiding. Just like his father he was a prankster. She send me down the hall to get an ultrasound. Waiting in the room seemed like forever. When i final got into the room and the tech. was looking at the monitor and she turned to me and I asked her "can you see the heartbeat" she turned to me with a waterfall of tears in her eyes and said "I'm so sorry, I cannot". I felt like my heart has stopped and I had no sense of feeling.....just numbness.
All test results came back normal and the Drs. could not find a reason. No abruption, cloths, cord brusing...nothing
I could not understand why this happened to me...questions ran in my head...I lived an honest, friendly, kind, caring life. I would have been an amazing mother to my son. The only thing I could say to myself for the past 3 months is that God needed an angel as special as my son and that he had to come from two people who were very special.
It has been close to 4 months now and my heart is still broken and my arms ache to hold my son. If I had one chance to talk to him in person I would let him know that if I had to do this all over again - I would. I would not change anything even though I know the outcome I would do it all over again just to be able to hold him one more time.....
Has anyone gotten pregnant after a stillbirth? How was your second pregnancy and how did you get through it without worrying. Please share your stories of your little angel :)
Thanks for reading my story,
Many people don't know who their guardian angel are - we are blessed to have held ours in our arms.