Strange Behaviour of my 10-year old Daughter

Roselyn - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi to all mothers,
I'm having some issues with my 10-year old daughter. At the age of 5 she was discovered as a high-gifted child with an IQ of 133. She jumped 1 school year at because she is really smart. She is now on her last year of elementary.This year in September, she will be going to high school.Those are the positive points....

The less positive is SHE IS REALLY LAZY. I am a single mother, busy sustaining our living but even then I tried to do my best to be a good mother and raise my daughter accordingly. I talk to her constantly about simple things, like: grooming. I told her to take a full shower at least 3x a week,comb her hair properly because she has long hair and i'm not allowed to help her...She must take her lunch box out of her schoolbag everyday(somtimes i discover that she still have 2 or 3 empty boxes inside). ..and she needs to clean up her room and make her own bed....and she has to dress properly,but she keep wearing the same clothes until i say she should change.She always complain if i ask her to help dry the dishes or bring her to the grocery store.I think I have a very lazy daughter:( If I say things in a slow and nice way,she just ignore me.I need to raise my voice at the point that i am already pissed off then she do things but in such undesirable manner.She often told me that I'm a perfectionist mother,but i'm so frar from being one.I just want her to lean the simple things in life.but she let me feel that i'm a bad mother.,,that i don't give her the right to be a child."I'm just a kid",she always anwer me.

One more thing,she doesn't study.She still have good grades but her teacher say that if if she only studies like the others do,she could get 95% or even higher.Is this normal for some 10-year old girls?Is there a chance that she will learn to do things properly at the right time?.Please help me.I'm just really concearn about my little girl.I love her so much but she gives me stress every day.Thank you in advance

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Roselyn - posted on 01/28/2013

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Thank you so much Ariana for your time.I really do agree with you and believe me I am doing all the things you mentioned.I think I just need to impose the little punishments a bit harder.Or maybe I worry too much about her future.I really realize something upon reading your post.Sometimes,or most of the time,I let the stress leads my role as a mother and I should change that.You must be an experienced model mom :)

Ariana - posted on 01/28/2013

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I would say give her a list of the things she needs to do as far as chores go (dishes, bedroom, showering on certain days) and if she doesn't finish it she isn't allowed to do other things (watch tv, go out to play, w/e it is she likes). The other option is to have her with a list of chores she needs to check off and if certain things are not done by 6 oclock (or whatever time you feel is fair) a consequence happens, maybe she doesn't get to use the internet, or watch tv, or go out to do stuff, maybe it would be for the next day depending on the consequence (no point taking away tv if she already watched 2 hours of it or something).

Then don't argue, either she gets it done or not, if it gets to the certain time and she hasn't finished the things she has w/e taken away. If you have a list it's not you nagging her but her not finishing her designated chores. I would talk to her about it beforehand, tell her what the new system is going to be and write it down. So if you go with the 6 oclock thing speak to her about it and write down, if all chores are not done by 6 oclock one of these punishments will be used (you can use different to keep her on her toes possibly). You could try to ask her what could make it easier to get it done, she might have some viable suggestions you haven't though of. Either way right it out so that if she tries to argue with you you can pull out exactly what you said.

If you have to remind her only remind her once, if she whines or argues state what you want and the consequence and then walk away, don't argue over it. She'll only have to lose things a couple times before she's going to start realizing it's no fun not being able to do stuff you want.

The main point is you don't want to have to raise your voice at her or nag her to death, and you don't want to get mad or let her push your buttons if she's trying to not do what you want.

I wouldn't consider this unusual behavior, most 10 year olds push the limits. Try not to think of your daughter as lazy (or at least don't TELL her that ever, if you label them it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy).

I wouldn't worry to much about the studying, if you really want her to study I would get her a tutor who can work with her on that. You don't want studying to become a major power struggle which will make her not want to do it even more. If she's getting her homework done I wouldn't bother about it to much. Getting a tutor, or even an older family member or high school student to work with her on study skills etc. would be more beneficial for both of you since she'd probably respond better to getting one on one attention from someone else than having her mom 'nagging' at her to do it.

I wouldn't consider this abnormal behavior though, irritating, but sounds like some other 10 year olds I've met.

Roselyn - posted on 01/28/2013

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There's no error,she is smart,she is not just motivated enough.Even if she doesn't study,she still gets 88-90%.So her IQ is not really my main issue here.I am just hoping that someone will share the same situation,thanks.

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