Stressed and wanted to vent

Alisha - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Soo I just found out a few days ago I am pregnant and this would be my 2nd. My first is 2.5 and special.......he does not talk and shows the signs of autsim; soon we are about to go see a specialist next week. So a long with the stress of that I just find this out........Obviously my emotions are gonna be all over the place and I worry how my son is going to react to mommy with a baby. He didnt even like me watching my 3 month old nephew the other day. He does not understand and threw his sippy right at the babies head while I was holding. Thankfully everything was fine but it really upset me that my son would do that and I am sooo scared to have another child when I am so stressed with one. Anyone been in a similar situation???

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Tracie - posted on 05/23/2012

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Involve your son in your pregnancy as much as possible. Take him to appointments, let him hear the heartbeat, talk to him about how HE is getting a brother/sister! Let him help decorate the nursery. This was a tremendous help to my first when she had to adjust to the new baby. She took ownership and would often tell me that the baby was HERS and that I was the sister. She would yell, "Coming honey!" and bring the baby a pacifier if she cried. It was just precious. They are 10 and 7 now and best friends (when they're not driving each other nuts!). I know you're stressed now, but take a breath and know that this new person is going to enrich your son's life immensely. (not to mention yours!) Best of luck for a healthy pregnancy.

Eleanor - posted on 05/24/2012

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My oldest has autism and my two boys have been friends for life. My job was to keep the second one alive for months but it was because the oldest wanted to play with the youngest. I was so glad because my youngest was really into prtend and creative and challenge my eldest into more creative activities. My child who has autism is in the army today, living on his own. That would not have happened without my youngest help. Yes it is hard at first but the rewards are well worth it. Hire help when you can or trade favors

Tina - posted on 05/23/2012

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It's normal to have jealousy I took my daughter to see my cousins new baby recently I only looked at the baby and my daughter have me an evil look like don't touch that baby. She's my youngest going on 1 my first is nearly 2 he still gets jealous but I found he is protective of her around other kids. I also try to get some one on one time with my son when I can even if that's just the 2 of us going shopping while dad or someone watches my younest and he gets a treat while we're out. It's not always easy but I love them both. My son isn't autistic but he can certainly be a handful at times I think he may have adhd like his dad. You have your good days and your bad but for me it's all worth they grow up so quickly

Stifler's - posted on 05/23/2012

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NO but my kids are 16 months apart. He will adapt and learn to accept the new baby.

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Renee - posted on 05/27/2012

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Enjoy the moment and being pregnant with another little bundle of joy and you will have challenges with your son whatever issues you have to deal with. That's what sibling love / rivalry is about!! If your son does have autism there is many resources to help out there. Good luck and embrace the miracle of new life. Xx

Alisha - posted on 05/27/2012

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@Eunice: I would never do that....agaisnt my religion and beliefs. I would rather struggle then live with going ahead. Sorry I don't appreciate ur post. I have plenty of help btw....lots of brothers and sisters and a wonderful fiance and friends. Not to mention my work as a nurse....Also I believe that God is watching over me and my family and will take care of us always. Sorry your beliefs are different then I....I will always choose LIFE! thanks

Eunice - posted on 05/27/2012

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IF U HAVE A HUSBAND IT'S BETTER TO GO AHEAD AND HAVE THE BABY BUT IF U R SINGLE, IT'S WISE NOT TO GO AHEAD BECAUSE U WON'T HAVE ANY HELPER N U
WILL STRUGGLE.

Tineke - posted on 05/27/2012

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The most important think to learn for a child with autism is social skills! There is no better person than a sibling, who will love your son unconditionally, who will accept him for who he his, to teach him those crucial skills! Everything happens for a reason! This new Baby will be a blessing for you and your son! Stay strong!

Liz - posted on 05/26/2012

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I haven't been in a similar situation but just wanted to send you some support and hugs.

I do know that my cousins coped with two boys, who were about 2 years apart, when it became clear that one had quite severe autism. The latter boy is now in his 20s and although he doesn't have as varied a life as his brother, it is full and enjoyable for him. He's creative and, in fact, ingenious in some of his creativity. He's even mostly independent. Everyone who knows him treasures him and he's a happy young man.

Having another child fairly close in age can be a great help indeed.

*hugs*

Wendy - posted on 05/26/2012

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My first two are 15 months apart and the oldest is special too. My second was a huge blessing and helped my daughter. "catch up" in many ways. Just rememberGod knows what he is doing when he gives us another little miracle. Go with the flow...

Mamasachs - posted on 05/24/2012

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This is for Eleanor....

Thanks for your words of encouragement. It was even helpful to me! My oldest is the "normal" one and is very much into pretend play and has really started getting my youngest into pretend play. They have become best buds. It has also helped his speech develop more. So knowing that your son is so independent is great to know. Thanks for sharing your story.

Vernet - posted on 05/24/2012

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I dont know about special needs children but I do have a 2 yr old and to say she is a handful is an understatement. If I dont watch her she will get into EVERYTHING. Im also having my second child and worry about how she is going to react to the baby. Anytime Im around other kids and holding other babies she gets very jealous. She pushed my friend baby down because she was climbing up my leg (I know thats awful right). But what I've been doing is trying to talk to her more and get her ready for the baby. I tell her all the time that mommy is having a baby and asking her if she is going to help mommy with the baby. I also tell her she needs to be nice to the baby and very gentle. I think now she is getting the idea that a baby is coming but I still worry how she will be. Try talking to him and preparing him for the new baby. Good luck sweetie!

Mamasachs - posted on 05/23/2012

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I have a son with special needs as well. We will find out tomorrow if he has Autism or not. He turned three in April and graduated from our counties Early Start Programs. You should see if there are any in your area. My son is just starting to talk now, but things really have improved for him since we started programs when he was younger. He has some sensory issues so getting those under control has made a major difference as well. He goes to school now at a special needs school and this too has greatly helped with his social skills. So I very much recommend looking into that as well. He'll be three by the time the new baby is here and the sooner you get help the better it will be for you and him. I feel your pain and stress. But with help you will start to feel better and get around people that understand what you are going threw. I wish you the best of luck with your new baby. It is going to be wonderful!

Kristie - posted on 05/23/2012

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my youngest didnt like anyone to sit on my lap,, now my puppy is like that. My nephew(he's 2) has CP and when my sister in law watched neighbors baby about 6 months ago or so he was not a happy camper. Sister in law wants to try to have another but after that she wasn't so sure. She and nephew could have died if she waited another hour or so to get to the hospital(jus glad I convinced the pains she was having wasn't normal) so they are a bit skittish with all that. He grew out of most of his jealousy, he still gets upset when another baby cries if he is near. My kids are 2 years apart(unintentional) and they were very helpful with each new baby. My son(he's 9) even changed Susie(almost 5) diaper on his own. I would go take him to the doctor and get him on the path he needs to be on and then I would tackle the new baby

Suzan - posted on 05/23/2012

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Evrry child is different. Every child is special. Our kids will do things st timed because they don't understand the consequences. Truly at2.5 he throws the sippy cup. He does not underdtand what we do that the baby's head is soft, that babies need gentleness and that his mummy hasnt stopped living him if sheholds somebody else. There are some great parenting classes.... Maybe one would be helpful.

Sienna - posted on 05/22/2012

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WOW!! That's tough, I'm really sorry about all of this mama.

I would deal with one issue at a time, Get your son help, once you figure out what is causing your sons developmental delay then you have months to get him help before baby gets here!!

Siblings can be really positive honestly, this could really help your son!

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