stressed out as a stay at home mom

Charlie - posted on 11/11/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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So I am 26 a stay at home mom to a 17 month old son. I am also 13 weeks pregnant. My husband goes to school full time and works full time. His school schedule is every morning for 3-4 hours, he is able to be home for about 2.5 hours and works from 2-10pm. I'm almost always asleep by the time he gets home. I used to be a full time student and work full time as well, used to be able to see friends and talk to adults. Since having my son, and being a first time mom my friendships and talking to adults (besides my husband and parents) went away. My job is enough for day care and that is it, day care is so expensive my husband and I felt me staying at home was a better choice, especially since he got a better job. Being a new mom was harder than I thought for me, I had a harder time transitioning I would say. I get upset quickly because if he cried and I didn't know what was wrong and couldn't fix it right away I would get upset, this still happens except now that he is older and can understand a little bit he throws tantrums like throwing things at me. My built up anger is best released by being able to hit a punching bag, my husband has one but it is blocked by items in the garage, I feel my son has picked up this throwing items because if I can not get to the punching bag I throw a dog toy against the floor, I try not to but it just gets built up all throughout the day and know where to release and it gets so high it just boils over and I think he has seen me throw dog toys on the floor. Now that I am pregnant which includes me being tired, lightheaded, nauseous, sore, no energy my fuse is shorter, along with getting upset, I cry as well because I am emotional. My son actually laughs at me when I get upset, but if I don't let him do what he wants or let him have what he wants his tantrum is to whine and throw things. I have never hit him, I have never slapped him on the wrist or have spanked him, nothing. I just get upset and loud, I do not know what to do and I feel like the worst mom ever. I am not trying to make excuses but here are reasons why my frustration gets so built up, I am sick and tired from pregnancy, a 17 month old who throws tantrums and needs to go out and play which whom I take care of by myself from 6-11am and 1-8pm (he goes to bed at 8), a house that looks like a tornado went throw it. I feel like a bad mom because my house is never clean because I can not stand on my feet for very long and get out of breathe. For the same reasons I do not take my son many places, I feel like throwing up almost all day and have to sit down because I am dizzy and lightheaded, I do not want to put my son and I in a position that I may not be able to get us home or I have to grab him and run to the bathroom to throw up. I try reading other blogs and I feel all these other moms are super moms, working and taking care of their children, they mention they yelled at them once. For me this is every other day. My son doesn't throw a lot of tantrums and we have good days, there are other days where he is just getting into everything, he climbs and can reach a lot more things. If I kept up the house better it would be a little better and I know he needs to get out to help him release that energy. And this is when I feel like a bad mom because I do not have the strength to push through this pregnancy sickness. I do not get to vent hardly ever, venting to my husband is actually exhausting and men do not always say the things you want to hear. I love being a mom and I love my son, we are actually very fortunate to have a good boy, he was always a good baby and he still is, he is always laughing thinks the cat and dog are hilarious. ya know... I don't get time for myself either, I don't get to be alone, I never have enough time to do a craft project if I want. I'm just not sure how to help my self, almost everyday I feel and tell myself I am a bad mom. I don't know it almost might be a depression I guess. I like to feel good and be happy but be pregnant I am so nauseous and tired, ugh.

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