Stripping Parental Rights

Marissa - posted on 10/31/2015 ( 17 moms have responded )

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So I would really like to know if it is possible to strip parental rights from my son's father if he is there, but not taking care of him properly. His father does not pick him up on his days that we agreed to or if he does have him, he will push my son off on his family members (even his cousins who are 12, 13,etc). I have been dealing with this since my son was born (6 years). I am just tired of having to check on my son when I am not with him, therefore I never really get a break. I feel as though his father does these things to ruin any time that I have to myself. I really would just rather raise my son alone than to have his father do whatever he wants with him. I constantly have to remind his dad to look in his backpack to help with homework during the week and get things signed for his teacher. I have to tell him about things that go on in his school. I feel like he should be more involved than he is and I feel like I am his fathers secretary. We are no longer together, therefore I do not feel like I should have to talk to him as much as I do. I hate even speaking with him about anything. Is there any way that I could take his rights. I really just don't want a dime from him, I really want peace of mind. I don't want to co-parent with him at all anymore. I have so much going on in my life, I do not need him messing up things for me. He never spends quality time with my son either. I feel like his father just uses him to get to me. I don't feel like his father wants to be a father. He never asks to spend time with him, he will just get him when I tell him it is his day.

What can I do? I need stability in our life and his father is preventing me from having that with my son.

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Ev - posted on 11/03/2015

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Marissa--
Coni nor anyone else here has been attacking you and your situation. We were merely trying to get you to understand that its not enough for a judge to take away a parent's rights because that parent is not doing things for the child the way the other parent would do it or is doing so to the satisfaction of the other parent. His court ordered time with the child is his meaning he makes his choices on how to do things. You may need to mediate to get him to understand he needs to check on the homework and stuff to get your point across but the man is not by any means from your postings being abusive, neglectful, nor harming him in such a way that a judge would take the rights away or force supervised visitation. Just because he is not checking the homework is not enough to warrent the rights being lost. And this is an international site, so you are going to find a lot of different views you will like and others you won't. Get used to it.

Raye - posted on 11/02/2015

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Marissa, I have a similar problem as you, except it's my husband that has primary care of the kids, and their mom that is not living up to everything she could be as a mom. Many times she has not checked/signed their homework and my husband has to keep reminding her to do things that should be common sense. Just last week, he checked the school website for the kids progress, and they were missing assignments. Since she had the kids for the next few days, he called to tell her they were missing assignments. She didn't want to deal with it, so she put the kids on the phone with him so he could tell them how to make up the work. Several times she has brought the kids home so we could help them with a school project because she didn't have time or didn't understand the project (a 36 y/o doesn't understand a 3rd or 5th grade assignment? Give me a break!). She changes plans last minute, she can't buy them school supplies, she can't keep a job longer than 7 months, etc. So I understand some of what you're going through. It's very frustrating.

That being said, we still have to co-parent with her because the kids should have the opportunity to have a relationship with her. Yes, it would be a million times easier on us to strip her rights. But the kids have rights, too. Now, the quality of the relationship they have with her is completely up to her, and she is making it hard for the kids to want to be around her. Some day they may decide for themselves that they don't want to see her anymore. And that will be up to them to decide. Until that time (if it ever happens) then we owe it to them to do our best and try to abide by their rights to having both parents in their lives.

Raye - posted on 11/03/2015

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Marissa, it is a shame that your son has to suffer with a lazy parent. But, you may be over controlling and need to let some things go for your own sanity. No, your son shouldn't be allowed to fail in school, but whether he is with his father or another family member or a baby sitter is none of your business. If you don't agree with what's happening at your ex's house, you need to be civil about discussing it with him and actually try to solve the problem, or butt out and stop worrying about things that you have zero control over. You're obviously very emotional about this, and rightly so, but if you attack him as you're attacking us here, then it's understandable how nothing gets accomplished. And that's very sad for your son. Just because we disagree with you about something doesn't mean we're against you.

You DO have to talk to him to effectively co-parent. And with my husband and his ex, it's usually DAILY contact. That's how things get done. How is it so intrusive in your life to have a 10 minute conversation to go over the needs of your child? Stop thinking of it as having to talk to someone you can't stand, and think of it as what your son, that you love, needs. Whether you want to admit it or not, in some way he needs his father. Think less of yourself and getting your way regardless of who gets hurt. Think less about the father's rights... and think more about your son's right to have his father in his life.

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Marissa - posted on 11/03/2015

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What are you talking about visitation? I did not chase him down. I stay at home. If he picks him up he does, if he doesn't he doesn't. But I don't want to have an unstable life because of it. We have a schedule that he does not abide by and he does not have any reason not to. All he does is work mon-fri. I should not have to make my plans around him. I am too busy for that and I actually have a life and so does my son.

Marissa - posted on 11/03/2015

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Lady.........Please. I just don't want to be attacked by women that have no clue what is really going on. I typed a paragraph which is nothing compared to what his father has put me through. You do not have enough facts to attack me. Women do not come on this site to be attacked and to be put to blame. You women are ridiculous.

Marissa - posted on 11/03/2015

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Coni,
I will assume that you read a different post and accidently responded to mine.........because where the hell did I mention that my son lived with me full time? Where the hell did I mention that his father pays child support?? You obviously cannot read mam or you are blind. If my son lived with me full time, I would not have an issue. I would not mind being the one to take care of his school work on a day to day basis..........WE SHARE CUSTODY.......which makes the both of us responsible for his homework and other business. If my son is with him on some school nights and with me on some school nights it is common sense that the person that has him that night should be responsible for checking and signing homework and giving him a bath, etc. DUH What the hell are you talking about. Basically I am just sick of doing his job and if I am to do his job, I would rather have him more often and he can just have him every other weekend or not at all since he cannot handle this responsibility. I am not a stay at home mom, I am not some lazy mom collecting child support and wic or other services from the government. I work full time as an investigator, I attend graduate school and soon law school and I volunteer with my sons school and two organizations while having the time to spend with my son and take care of all of his business. I would think that a man that ONLY goes to work could handle a little homework and giving my son a bath every other night would not be a big deal. You are so ignorant and do not respond to this because I don't want to hear it. The way that you are talking to me makes me feel like you have some major issues in your own life that you need to handle instead of taking it out on others. My question was simple. Its funny how some women responded and stated clearly.....NO you cant take his rights away because it is not enough and just leave it at that.........while you are attacking me when you don't even know the whole story. His father was not even around much in the beginning and now he is doing a little bit more, but still just not what he should. Its either people need to grow up or just walk away. Raising children cannot be half ass!! Period. Either you do it and do the best that you can or get out of the way and let someone do it that can and want to. Period.

Dove - posted on 11/03/2015

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And your childish hissy fit towards the women that posted earlier was 100% unwarranted... They were simply trying to give you GOOD, solid advice on your situation. Take it or leave it... that is up to you, but insulting them for it just shows your character... not theirs.

Dove - posted on 11/03/2015

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No. There is nothing in your post worthy of stripping your child from his father. Does it suck that the father is not quite the man your son deserves? Absolutely, but lots of kids have less than stellar dads (and moms) and still grow up to be well functioning adults.

If you have a court order for visitation... just stick w/ that unless you have solid evidence that the current order is a detriment to your son... in which case you can take your evidence to court and try to modify visitations.

It is not your job to chase down the father for visitations. If he does not TAKE his visitations that is on him.

Maybe you can make it your son's responsibility to check for and do his own homework (teach him how to do it when he's at your house... so he'll know how to do it at dad's). You can also talk to the teacher and explain that dad doesn't always check for homework and maybe she/he can give your son some extra time to get the work done on those occasions.

Tired of co-parenting or not you have at least another 12 years of this, so I suggest you work on finding ways to make it work instead of focusing on trying to eliminate your son's father from his life. Good luck!

Coni - posted on 11/03/2015

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Um, you're asking to have your childs biological father (who you admit DOES pay child support and visits his son) taken away from him and his rights stripped because you don't like having to communicate with him? Are you serious? Whether you like it or not, this is the man you decided to have a child with and your child deserves to have a relationship with him. It is none of your business if when your ex has him for the weekend, that he allows him to spend time with his extended relatives. Do you keep your son every, single night that you have him and never allow him to spend the night at a grandparents? And as the primary care giver, it's your job to let the other parent know what's going on with his childs life. Of course, he could step it up and call the school himself...but you are the one your child LIVES with, so it only makes sense that you would be the one who knows about the day to day activities. How about this? How about since it's such an inconvenience for you to tell your ex what is going on in your childs life and you don't feel like you get to enjoy your alone time, you allow HIM to have half/half custody or be the primary custody holder? Then he will know everything you think he should, he will be forced to help with homework every night, and you can have a ton of free time. That would be a better option than you taking your kids father away from them because of your own selfish desires.

Ev - posted on 11/01/2015

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{{What I ask him to do is common sense and simple. I have asked him to do the same things. Actually.......posting this was a mistake and I regret joining this site. You women are ridiculous. You dont know me nor him, yet you are not answering my question, but instead going into things that dont even matter. All you had to say was that he is not a danger and his rights would not be taken.}}
No we do not know you or him but you laid out what he does not do that you do for your son or he does it differently. You can not be his parent too. And we are not ridiculous. No judge is going to take a man's rights away just because you do not like the father anymore and do not want to mess with him where your son is concerned. The child has a right to a relationship such as it will be with his father. No judge is going to take your feelings as evidence he is a danger to your son. You have to understand that and if you feel he is a danger then get some evidence and show a judge.

{{You two women make me seem as if I am a nagging person, yet my son almost failed Kindergarten because I was not on his case about my son. Now if I were on here asking for advice about getting my son in his correct grade, I guess that would be my fault too. }} We are telling you things from experience. Yes, it is common sense stuff that he should be doing. The reasons I am in my situation are because I made choices that were more of a benefit to my children's frame of mind than because I thought dad was not good enough in how he took care of them. I said he was not so great at doing house work, getting the kids around for school and such, and other things concerning the home. He had a lot more money to fight with than I did and more resources once that was gone. I had no other secondary resources. He left me. He did not want to pay child support so he wanted the primary care. He found out it was not so easy to take on kids, household, doctor appointments, school things and so on to the point he remarried barely 14 months after our divorce and that marriage did not last either. I did not want him to have primary care because he did not know them like I did...So I ask you what is more important: still having the relationship with the kids and them having some stability in their lives where they know that both of their parents will have time with them or fighting constantly over them?

{{I am simply sick of picking up with slack for a grown person and having to ask him to do things that should be common sense. If I wanted, I could simply tell you two why you are in your situations. But that is not my place to do so, because I dont know your entire situation or anything about you. Thank you for giving me a taste of this site. Circle of Moms my ass. More like Attack of Moms. smh}} No one told you you had to pick up the slack of what he was not doing. That choice you made yourself. He did not ask you to do so either. You have to understand that no two people parent a child alike. He will do things the way he thinks they should go and you will do it the way you like it. But that is no reason to think he needs his rights taken away because you dislike how he does things. Is he abusing your son? Is he neglecting your son? ANd just because he dropes the child off with other members of the family does not make him a bad father either at least he has the mind to do that instead of leaving the child alone somewhere.

Michelle - posted on 11/01/2015

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You came here asking about stripping the Father of his parental rights, we told you that it's not that simple and a judge won't do it just on what you have said here.
We haven't been attacking you, we were letting you know that stripping someone of their parental rights is hard and unless they are a danger to the child it probably won't happen.
I understand your frustration but there's really not a lot you can do except get the visitation orders changed.
Maybe even going to mediation and explaining to your ex what is needed to help your son through school is needed. Children don't come with a manual and what 1 person sees as common sense another doesn't and needs to learn.

Marissa - posted on 11/01/2015

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What I ask him to do is common sense and simple. I have asked him to do the same things. Actually.......posting this was a mistake and I regret joining this site. You women are ridiculous. You dont know me nor him, yet you are not answering my question, but instead going into things that dont even matter. All you had to say was that he is not a danger and his rights would not be taken.

You two women make me seem as if I am a nagging person, yet my son almost failed Kindergarten because I was not on his case about my son. Now if I were on here asking for advice about getting my son in his correct grade, I guess that would be my fault too.

I am simply sick of picking up with slack for a grown person and having to ask him to do things that should be common sense. If I wanted, I could simply tell you two why you are in your situations. But that is not my place to do so, because I dont know your entire situation or anything about you. Thank you for giving me a taste of this site. Circle of Moms my ass. More like Attack of Moms. smh

Ev - posted on 11/01/2015

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I agree with Michelle on this and just a thought: Put yourself in his place regardless of being a lazy parent or not. His time with his child is his time and you can not tell him how to spend it either. He does not sound like a danger to the kid, dad just sounds like he does not meet your expectations of a father. Even if he did step up and do what he should with the child, there would most likely still be something you would think he is not doing right. He could feel the same way about you. Its a two way street when it comes with raising kids with an ex. My ex would have rather not dealt with me the last 13 years where our kids were concerned and he was the one that wanted to have primary care though I knew how good he was at taking care of a home and kids and their needs (not that great). But I had to make a choice for their well being: fight for custody all the time or let them have a peace of mind. You can guess what choice I made though I would have rather had it all to myself.

Michelle - posted on 11/01/2015

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You'll need to get a lawyer. You need to go to court and set custody and visitation.
The problems you have with him don't warrant stripping his parental rights. He's not a danger to the child. You may be able to limit it a bit but it depends on the judge you get.
I know the men should grow up, my ex is in his 40's and still acts like a teen sometimes. There's nothing I can do about it though.

Marissa - posted on 11/01/2015

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Me deciding to have sex with him and liking him does not have anything to do with this situation now. I was 16 when we started dating and I am now 28. Big difference. You would think that a person would mature, but he did not. My younger 16 year old brother is better with my son than his father is.

I have tried stepping back and my son almost failed Kindergarten because of it. So if I step back and my son loses out, because of it.........then what? I'm just sick of doing things that he should do. If I am going to do his part and mine too, I don't get why he is around. He is just in the way really at this point.

Michelle - posted on 11/01/2015

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I would speak to a lawyer but what you have said here doesn't warrant taking away his parental rights.
Is the visitation court ordered? If not then do so ASAP,that way if he doesn't stick to it then you can lessen the time he has with his child.
You need to keep in mind the child's rights as well though. He has a right to have a relationship with BOTH his parents, not just 1 because they can't talk to each other. Unless your child is in danger I don't see you getting what you want because it isn't in the best interest of the child.
How about you step back and let the Father actually be a parent without hounding him with what he should be doing. I know it's hard (I also have an idiot ex) but you liked the man enough to have sex and create a child, you can let go and let him try and be a great Father. He may just surprise you.

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