Struggling

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm 22 with a 2 year and a 4 month old baby I have no job or no type of income, if it wasn't for my mom we wouldn't have a place to stay. I'm a single mom willing to work but can't afford daycare..churches loan us money from time to time but we can't make a living this way.
their dad DO NOT HELP ME AT ALL.

please someone I need direction and guidance..

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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It's all the same advice I would give if you were my daughter (and I do have a 22 year old step-daughter). Believe me, I don't sugar coat it to my kids, ever. Life is not sugar coated (as you well know now) and sometimes we have to hear things we really struggle to hear. You'll be fine. You sound like a strong young lady, you just need a bit a of a push and a bit of advice to know where to start. Good luck!

Edited to add: If the father of the first is not the same as that of the second, file two child support cases.

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2015

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Ok, so now you have lots of links to see what help you qualify for in Texas. Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2015

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There are programs for vouchers to pay for the GED test in IL. If you contact the DHS I am sure they can help you find a way to pay for the tests. The goal of any social service agency is to get you up on your feet. If that means they foot the bill for the test, so that you can get a better job and not need aid anymore, I think they will have a way to help you.
You should qualify for WIC, food assistance, medicaid, welfare and housing. Just apply for help:
https://www.yourtexasbenefits.com/ssp/SSPHome/ssphome.jsp

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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Well, you had the option of stopping having sex......that generally stops the babies too. And it's free to do that (as opposed to the cost of having your tubes tied). Given you are single with 2 children, you have no right to be in and out of sexual relationships at this point in your life. Your energy needs to be on supporting the children you have. Your family has NOT disowned you - you are living with your mother. That isn't disowning. What she has chosen NOT to do is support you and your children and is clearly expecting you to support yourself and your family (minus the rent)..

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2015

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Where do you live? You can study for your GED online. If your background is clean, try to find work at a daycare center. Maybe one at a gym or recreation center? Then you could take your kids along. Also, if you reach out to DHS they can help you find daycare for needy moms.

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I would start on a college degree if you can. A lot of colleges have daycare and you can get financial aide while in school. Its hard, but youre not going to be getting much sleep with the baby anyway. Might as well be studying. It will be hard but at the end of it, you will be in a position to provide a better life for your babies. God bless you honey. In my prayers.

Meagan - posted on 01/21/2015

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Take the advise. U r soooo blessed to have so much support and assistance from ur goverment. Its hard bt all u gta do is make/take that first step, literally. If u hav faith and trust in urself things wil fall into place. Grab each opportunity with both hands, for the sake of ur kids. Id giv anything to hav to so much help and support from authorities/goverment. Where i come from all parents get for child support is more or less 34 u.s dollars, a month. And thats is. No housung,no medicaid,no subsidies. No "free" schooling or daycare etc. Goodluck!

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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@Jodi
very encouraging and I wish my mom would give me great advice like this my kids don't have the same dad after I had my oldest son I helped with bills food etc. I didn't date for two years and when I did one time is all it took...there once came a time where my mom had to depend on me and I guess in return selfishly I wanted that same love back. Seems like transportation is my biggest issue income tax is near so hopefully I could get a car. But until then I will seek the programs you referred me to. Thanks I needed this

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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Beritteny, I certainly don't think you are lazy, but I do think you are young and naive and struggle to think outside the box. What you truly need to do is

(1) stop having sex. Just stop. You need to focus all of your energy right now on yourself and your children and trying to get ahead with your lives. Sex and relationships with men are a distraction. Put all of that aside for now.

(2) Thank your mother. Let her know you understand how much she does for you. By making statements such as " i really wasn't too much of a burden on my mom" can be seen as a little selfish. Were you really paying your fair share of the bills before you got pregnant the first time? Electricity, gas, rent, maintenance, food, internet, phone, etc? Ask yourself that. Be thankful she has put a roof over your head. I'm sure she is doing more than that. Thank her. She will appreciate it rather than seeing you think it is an entitlement.

(3) look into those links and the various assistance you could receive. I'm sure there are ways you can get your GED, and I'm sure some of those links have some options for inexpensive or subsidised daycare (I think one of them did have the subsidised daycare info).

(4) Regardless of whether the father is in jail or not, I imagine one day he will get out? File for custody and child support, or we will see you back here in a year, 2 years, however many years, upset because the baby daddy has filed for custody of his kids and you don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure, given your circumstances, you qualify for legal aid. Jail or not, you can at least get the ball rolling on the legal matters you need to in order to protect and take care of your children.

When your mother starts seeing you take on some of these mature responses to your situation, she may be willing to help out with loaning you money for that GED test. But until then, I'm thinking she is tired of your less than mature choices. Prove to her you can make really good adult choices on your own and that you can follow through with those.

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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Don't get me wrong I'm far from lazy and their farther left before I conceived my last baby I worked and provided for home. So i really wasn't too much of a burden on my mom.And honestly I don't ask her for nothing just to pay for the test. I'll starve for my kids can eat. And I'll freeze to keep them warm. I have so much potential and determination I guess I joined this site seeking a little push to get a step further..thankx you all for being real with me I appreciate all comments.

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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She doesn't need to condone what you have going on personally. if you are still choosing to go out and have sex, then I wouldn't condone it either. I agree with her that the tubal was not necessary - that instead, you should have just been focusing on your children and getting on your feet. However, trying to say noone is helping you is really, REALLY unfair to your mother. You have a roof over your head. By suggesting you have noone to help and your family has disowned you is sounding incredibly entitled when, in fact, your mother is helping you a LOT. What thanks do you give her for that?

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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@Jodi
Medicaid paid for that and my mom feels like since she buys pampers and things my boys need II shouldn't ask for nothing (and that's true) so with that being said she doesn't condone on what I have going on personally
@Everyone
thanks for the links they were helpful ♥

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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I never said I didn't finish school because of my kids. As you can read clearly I'm trying to further my education. And if I said I'm willing clearly lets you know I'm not on a high horse meaning I'm willing to go to go that extra mile. Its just being a single parent with no help none what so ever is a challenge when you have no money nor transportation living in a city. Sorry if you felt offended by my last post but I'm at my breaking point and if you've really struggled like you say you know what I mean

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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The cost of the GED test, from my google search, is $135. You can't even find a way to borrow this money from your mother? Like an actual contract to pay it back? I'm sure it's cheaper than having had your tubes tied - you found the money for that.

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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Walking isn't an issue walking in the cold with a 2 year old with bad asthma and a 4 month old baby is....ok just want to give u a little more about me my family disowns me for getting my tubes tied after my second child. Said I was too young. But I can't even afford the two I have. I don't need to take the GED classes because I've been studying for it. I just can't afford the test I'm very intelligent, that brings us back to when I said I can do pretty much anything. Finding work never really been a challenge, its just finding an affordable and reliable sitter to keep the job is the issue.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/20/2015

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You know what? That little 'tone'? Get over it. Get off your high horse and make a friggin effort.

You SAY you're willing, but when given suggestions, you come up with excuses. Well, excuses, my dear, are like assholes, and it seems you have your fair share. YOU made choices. Those choices included getting pregnant, and having kids (fairly young). However, you can't use your kids as an excuse for not finishing school...You made that choice well before you had kids, since the mean age of graduating HS seniors is anything from 17-19 depending on your birthdate, area, and circumstances.

So, if you ARE willing to work, MAKE AN EFFORT. That's what it takes.

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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You sound like you are actually making a lot of excuses Beritteny. No-one said it was going to be easy. Anything you want is going to be hard work, and yes, if that means loading kids up and walking across town, then that's what it means. Do you think any of us are where we are because it was easy? I worked full time, studied part time, spent YEARS of that as a single parent - it took me 7 long hard years of studying (as well as full time work) to get my university degree. You need to make sacrifices.

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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So I load my kids then walk across town just for them to tell me the classes are free but the test isn't then we walk back across town to get home...hmmm...i live in Texas by the way

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2015

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Where do you live, just the state. We can help you find the links for state aid etc.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/20/2015

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It actually is. You go to the state assistance offices, take all of your info, and apply. Then, you find out the schedule to finish the GED, and you do it.

Excuses...you know the saying...Its only difficult if you keep putting obstacles in your way. Only YOU can do what you need to do. Trust me, you won't be the only young adult carting the baby carrier around with you to GED classes, and you aren't the first to struggle.

That's how I know how easy it really is.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/20/2015

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File for state assistance, finish your GED, and move forward.

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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Where I live nothing is free hun...
and even if it was free I wouldn't have a sitter while I take the classes ??? Thanks everyone I appreciate the effort...

Ev - posted on 01/20/2015

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You might check with the high school and see if there is free help to get the GED. Where I live they have a tech school that helps you get ready for it and take it. Surely thee is something there.

Beritteny - posted on 01/20/2015

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Their father is in jail and my mom works 6a.m to 10p.m I didn't finish high school but I am willing to get my G.e.d to further my education but can't afford it.
I can do just about anything I just have no sitter no help no car what do I do?

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2015

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Have you filed for child support from the child's father? I'm assuming you've looked into all of the daycare options in your area - could you afford any of them if you had a job? If so, think about how much you would need to earn to be able to afford them. What job skills do you have? Maybe, if you sit and do a self assessment of those, you need to do some training or some courses to get your skills up. Are there government agencies in your area that can help with that? Can you get any government assistance for yourself and your child?

Ev - posted on 01/20/2015

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Go seek legal aid, get custody, child support and visitation set up so he can start to take care of those kids. Can your mother babysit for you while you look for work and then actually do work?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/20/2015

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Start by applying for jobs. Any jobs. McDonalds, BK...ANY income is better than none.

Then, get paternity established and get the kids' father on the hook for support.

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