Struggling in college

Valerie - posted on 11/21/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter is struggling to feel like she belongs at the large university she began attending in September (she is a freshman). She doesn't feel like she fits there even though she has tried to reach out to peers and also join some groups. She does have a boyfriend at home (she is 1 1/2 hours away) and she either comes home or he has gone up there to see her. Now I know that the boyfriend plays a large part in this but they have been seeing each other because it is important to both of them. She was a high achiever in high school getting mostly A's and taking AP classes. She is struggling a bit academically - now she is getting B's - and that is upsetting her as well. Basically she is not happy there and admitted to me that she should have chosen the other school she was considering - significantly smaller and closer to home ( 15 min.). I don't really want to advise her since I think she should make this decision but Im not sure what to say to her. Personally knowing my daughter as well as I do I thought she should have chosen the small school because I believe she would really thrive there but have kept this to myself. Just need some advise on how to move forward. How much should her father and I involve ourselves especially because we are paying? Thanks!

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Ev - posted on 11/21/2016

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A word of advice: If she does want to tranfer, make sure she checks with both schools and sees what classes will be allowed to transfer over to the other school. No sense in taking things that do not transfer easily like the basic required classes.

Valerie - posted on 11/21/2016

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Yes I think she would finish out the year... she wouldn't want to quit. And I agree with you that B's are not bad but in her mind it's not good enough. Anyway I probably will listen alot and offer my insight when the time is right. I think a good plan of action would be to reapply to be a transfer now and take those steps then in the spring she can really decide. And maybe it will get better. I just hate it that she is so unhappy now. It's hard as a parent. Thanks so much for your reply!

Ev - posted on 11/21/2016

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Be there for her and support her but she should finish out this year and then transfer if she feels she needs to at the end of spring semester. She has made a choice and if she gives up this semester she might not go back. I would give her your insight on it. She can use it to make a choice...but if she quits there now and can not get into the school closer to home in spring it could make things difficult later. Also B's are not bad grades.

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