Stuck in the middle...

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband is in a 4 month long rehab through the VA. We had a really rocky year that started back in March. My husband is also bi polar..and before the the rehab facility he spent a little over a month in the mental health floor. Since everything fell apart back in March...things are FINALLY starting to turn around. The doctors got his medicine all straightened out...the rehab facility has taught him so much he is doing so well. He is even going to go back to school for welding, and support his family as well. I just pray that he keeps himself on the right track. My daughter and I go and visit him once a week and we talk on the phone nightly, unless I'm too busy or we miss each others calls. He has showed so much improvement since the last time anyone has seen him last. It's like I want to show him off lol

I am having issues with my mom. My daughter and I are living with her...we all were including my husband before things got really bad. I love my mom, she is a really good person...but she is a difficult person. I don't talk about him to her unless she asks....I basically don"t mention him unless I have to. I play by her rules because I am living under her roof, and I respect her so I won't disrespect her or her house. I am having a hard time with a few things for example...when my husband was being transferred from the VA Mental health floor to the Rehab center he didn't have anywhere to go for about 15 hours. His side of the family is from NC...we are his only family in PA...I asked my mom if she would be willing to him stay at the house over night so he can collect his clothes say goodbye to everyone before his 4 month rehab treatment. She said no, you can pack his bags and give it to him he isn't sleeping in my house I don't care where he goes....I didn't argue I just let it go. Needless to say, he ended up staying the night in the VA.
This coming August my entire family has a vacation planned to go to myrtle beach. Our parents own a time share. We all chip in money for food...transportation....etc. With my husband in his rehab come August he will be able to get a week pass to do a vacation. His family is from NC...his dad never met our daughter and I know he wanted to come down to see her. I asked my mom if Adrian can come down to myrtle beach for like 3 his dad can meet our daughter...etc. She became really defensive. She said that she doesn't even want to see him....he hasn't proved a damn thing to her.....he will ruin her vacation...and if she has to stare at him she will want to "kill him." I personally feel as if she might be to emotionally involved. I apologized to her for putting her on the spot and she replied...well im just the family moron. Then I told her that this is the reason why I can't/don't talk to her about anything that is going on. Unfortunately, it became a little heated and I said I can't feel the way you want me to feel or how you think I should feel. I said all I did was ask you a simple question and it automatically turns into something it shouldn't. I never did get a definite answer. I'm pretty sure it's a no.

The 4th of July is coming...she always throws a huge 4th of july party. I would love if my husband was able to come even for a few hours...but I definitely not asking.

The thing is I miss my husband. He really screwed up, but he is slowly getting everything back on tack and is doing so well. I love my mom...she is a great person. I sometimes feel as if I don't feel the way she wants me to or how she would feel...that my own personal feeling don't matter.

I feel really torn between them....

Anyone have any thoughts?


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Sarah - posted on 06/23/2015




Thank You everyone for your comments it is highly appreciated. It just has been really hard this entire situation will be going on 4 months long come July. I personally feel really alone in this entire thing...I want my husband with me, but I know he needs to get better. I wish my mom would back off. I feel like she is trying to keep us seperated as much as hoping for a divorce. She has told me before that he should have just stayed down in NC and that he would slowly forget about us. We are currently financially strapped atm...I am a baker I have been trying to get baking jobs but I have no one to watch my 9 month old daughter. So I have been trying to get some baking at home orders. Which i am getting very many orders. Maybe this fall I will be able to get something on the weekend, which will help. I just keep praying that things will get better....

Raye - posted on 06/17/2015




You don't have to agree with your mom. And your feelings are valid even if she doesn't agree with you. You're trying to make it work with your husband, and he's trying to get better. However, she has a right to refuse him being at her house or at a vacation spot that she pays for. So, you should try to find different living arrangements if at all possible. If she can't act like a grown up and give him the benefit of the doubt so he can prove himself to her, then it would probably be better for you all to get away from her. I get the impression that it may be very financially difficult to remove yourselves from her home, but if you really want the marriage to have a shot without your mom undermining it and causing more stress, then I think you have to try to relocate.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/16/2015




Your mother needs to learn some respect for a man who's obviously served his country and is having a rough time with things.
Personally, if my mother can't support my husband (And I've told her this, because she really doesn't like him all that much), and she forces me to choose, it will be him every time.
Good luck with everything.

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