Suggestions for a stubborn 5 year old

Debbie - posted on 04/30/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

5

45

0

All of a sudden my 5 year old son is getting sassy, and stubborn. I think he is just challenging and could be a phase. Most of the time he has a very sweet disposition. Often I feel like it is the time of day (maybe he is tired) or he could be hungry. But the part I am struggling with is how to talk him in off the ledge before he completely unravels. I am open to suggestions.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 05/01/2012

5

7

1

I completely understand how you feel. I have a 5yr old boy the SAME way. We have discovered several things (via help from a friend that is a Nutrionist) that "set" my son off. We limit ALL sugar which I know is hard to do. And we discovered ANYTHING with Nutra Sweet sends him into massive stubboness! Also I have started him on natural whole food vitamins and I've seen 90% improvment. It was truly AMAZING. His grades in school went up a whole letter grade! And his bedtime reduced to an hour earlier with no problem!! Just a suggestion. But I TOO will take ANY advice!

Pasty - posted on 05/02/2012

7

17

0

One thing you have to do is determine what works with your child when doing behavior management. Keep a log of when he acts up and compare the times and days. You can do positive reinforcement for good behavior, but do not encourage negative behaviors. Try doing time out when he misbehaves. If he is yelling at you try saying things such as, "I'm sorry, I don't answer people who are screaming at me." Then do not acknowledge anything he says after that. Do not continually repeat yourself. One time is enough. Make sure he knows that you have already answered him. Keep it simple where he understands. Do not give him more than two choices. Say, "You can either stop misbehaving or you can go to your room." Do not deviate from the choices you gave him. If he throws things, make him pick it up. This is sometimes easier and more effective after his tantrum is over. Once you determine the best method that works with your child and if there are specifics that trigger his behavior you can better handle the situation.

Rebecca - posted on 05/02/2012

62

42

3

I hear ya... I have one of those. I have implement a chair for him to sit on and chill out when ever he gets in a funk... I had a friend who told me, "once they start school is when you start loosing them", of course I didn't believe him. However, they do pick up other kids behaviours and we have to keep on reminding them what our rules are and what behaviour we expect from them till it sinks in...

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2012

2

0

0

My son is 3 in 2 months, but we have started a sticker chart. He thinks it is the best thing in the world, at the end of the week he gets a toy/book or he can choose something from the shop generally keep the to the cheaper items. On the chart there are things like no tantums no nonsense, being nice to the animals and other things that we had problems with. We started this when we went through a stage that we were always fighting with him just to get him to do the simplest things like eat breakfast. I won't say that it is plain sailing now but much better. My son has and alway had a very strong will to fight back, it was only natural as both his parents are very stronged willed. I also agree with Amanda about limiting the sugar intake, we had problems with our son not settling down until late at night and constantly on a high. I was amazing to see the amount of sugar that is in products we give our kids. Once we changed the diet everybody noticed the improvements. With the chart we update this every 2 to 3 weeks and change or add too it.
I hope this might help some parents.

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2012

3

21

0

Reverse psychology works quite often (and well) for me!!! :) "I don't want to eat my green beans!!!" "That's fine, I didn't want you to eat MY green beans anyway!" Then when they start eating the green beans, I'll look at them with a "serious" face and say "You'd better not eat MY green beans!!! Don't you DARE eat my green beans!!" Then we start laughing as they are eating what they didn't want to in the first place! I always, ALWAYS give them a challenge which is what I've found, my stubborn children LOVE. It might not work in some areas, so usually if they are throwing their fits, I ignore them (which they HATE). Usually the stubbornness is for attention and when you cut off the attention, it gets their attention. Just a couple of things I've found have worked for me!

15 Comments

View replies by

Tracy - posted on 05/11/2012

144

0

4

I have a 33 month old daughter and a 43 month old daughter. So far the youngest has the record for a tantrum refusing to go into a restaurant, it was over an hour and a half of screaming, bawling, throwing herself down on the ground, and their were others that tried to open the door for her to go in and she shoved the door shut again because she wanted to do it herself, she just didn't want to go in unless it was on her terms. The older one is just as bad but she is more violent and has hit me, pinched me, scratched me, and threw chairs at me. They get their stubbornness from me so I can't say much. The last one was the littlest one started fighting with the oldest over the liquid soap bottle. I took it from the littlest because she wasn't ready since she had not wet her hands yet so I took her hands and put them under the water to get them wet and that was all she wrote. I had to wash her hands, and one of the teachers at Headstart carried her out to the car because if I touched her it was going to get worse and I didn't need that until I at least got done with my errands and got her home. She was still screaming and bawling over an hour later and would not let anybody touch her.

Terrie - posted on 05/02/2012

134

2

6

This is the age where they discover that they can handle some things on their own and that mommy does have buttons. It is a rough age and it gets worse. Weight till the teen years. lol Anyway, as always, redirection, if you say you are going to do something follow through with it. Your child may be tired but that is no reason to give Mom a hard time. There are more constructive ways to let out your wants and needs. For every reaction there is a conciquence whether it be a good one or a bad one. You will have to figure out what your reinforcers are and what works for your child. My son will work hard to be able to watch the three stooges and hates setting in his room even though it is full of toys. But that is my son. So you find out what is best to discipline and prasie your child with. These of course or only suggestions. I hope it helps.

Michelle - posted on 05/02/2012

1

35

0

My 5 yr old daughter is the same way. She likes to test the waters a lot. When we do discipline her she gets mad and calls us mean. We just had second child and her tantrums have gotten worse. We are trying to give her as much attention as we always have. But she is not liking the fact we are following thru with discipline and its very frustrating.

Ellie - posted on 05/02/2012

4

0

0

If you 5 year old with others without your supervision, you may want to ask him about how he is being treated in those environments. This can be a sign of something bigger.

Mariah - posted on 05/02/2012

14

39

0

I know how that goes it hard. I really wish I had any thing to tell you but my son is now 6 and I still have hard time with it. My son get really bad when he hungry and when he tired. So I guess my suggestion would be to make sure to feed him before he gets really hungry and put him bad earlier. I sure do struggle with these things myself. One of the thing I am stuggling with is not listening to me. I am reading a book called ":No More Misbehavin' 38 Difficult Behavior and How stop them by Michelle Borba, Ed.D

[deleted account]

Bottom line? Be more stubborn than he is. That's it. Nip it in the bud. He'll do it "because he can". Unless he can't, but you don't allow it.

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2012

3

21

0

I am trying the "choices" method with my 6 year old daughter, as well. She to, is a very independent and strong willed child, and she also is very one-tracked when it comes to what she wants or wants to say. I also think, that making sure you have rules & boundaries set in place for your daughter would be helpful; this way she understands where you will allow her limitations to end. For instance, I have rules on my fridge. Basic rules such as, "If it's not yours, don't touch. Ask permission." I also tell my daughter that I will allow her to help with the dishes, but she is not allowed to touch the knives, and so on. I am also a firm believer in consequences for her actions. If she touches a knife, she won't be allowed to help with the dishes for the next two days, and so on. I always follow through with what I tell her, that way she understands that I mean what I say when I tell her. When she breaks a rule I remind her that I am not trying to be mean but that she needs to be responsible enough to make the right choices, and that if she doesn't, there will be a consequence. Boundaries are EVERYTHING when it comes to stubborn children. They need them put in place. Yes, they WILL test them, but that's when you as a parent must have the stronger will power. It may be exhausting at first, but it's rewarding at the end. My daughter is now making sure her brother & step-brothers are minding the rules to!

User - posted on 05/01/2012

2

0

0

My daughter has started the same act. I am noticing that she wants to start doing things more independently, which I want to encourage. However, when I am asking her to do something she is arguing with me! I am a solo mom, and between work and parenting I am finding myself exhausted at the end of the day. I am trying harder to acknowledge her doing things as I ask without argument and praise her for it. I know I need to do better with following through. My sister in law has suggested I flood her world with choices to allow her to feel independent and make choices. Any other suggestions??

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms