Suggestions on what to do about my 14 year old daughters rude & disrespectful attitude,
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Brittani - posted on 01/24/2010
hm... well I am only 18 my advice may not be something you want to read lol. But I remember being fourteen like it was yesterday! I wish that my mother would have taken different paths with me however i did not get discipline which is what children NEED! My father on the other hand tried forcing me to move to MD if I did not straighten my act up and I sure a heck did not want that he is VERY strict. I think you should take away things that she enjoys most and make her earn them back. Do not be afraid to do it, she is going to hate you for a time but soon will get over it. When you discipline children they learn to have so much respect for you as they get older. Sitting down with a fourteen year old is pretty much pointless they are not going to care about anything to have to say and it will go right out of the other ear. They will do the exact opposite. Anyways this is what I did. Give her awards for what she does so she knows you acknowledge that she is a good girl. Once a month take her to buy a new outfit on a reasonable price so she knows she can not win you over. I really hope my advice has helped and it is coming from somebody who was the same exact way and this is how I wish I was handled at that age or I would not have been a high school drop out, losing my virginity at 15, and getting pregnant at 17. Tough love really is the best love and she may not think it at the time but when she gets older boy will she have soo much respect for you!
I've been through the 'growing pains' of two teenagers and have suffered through the battle of the fittest. As a mom you have to decide how the child's attitude is impacting on you. I made the choice of not allowing anything negative in my life and my children understand it. You can talk your head off with a teenager, you can scold them, ground them - It will not change their attitude. In science: Any action has a reaction. So the answer is, don't act! Ignore the child as if he/she is made of stone. Children cannot stand being ignored. You walk pas her as if she is an ornament in your house. No eye contact. Let her be the one to come to you and ask you why you are ignoring her totally. Then, and then only will she listen to you and actually take in what you have to say. Next time she acts up - same treatment. But always remember: it is hormone time for them. If you feel confused about her attitude - imagine what she is going through. But stand your ground?
Courtney - posted on 01/24/2010
LOL.. ok.. gonna give this my best shot.. The best thing to do is remind your daughter that YOU are the mother. NOT SHE. YOU are the bread winner and provider and that she is best to remember that. Remind her of all the things she has that you DONT have to buy her. Remind her that this is your house and as such.. she will follow the rules until she's old enough to move out and provide for herself. That until then, while under your roof she will follow the rules. You are not here for her to like. You are not here to be her bestfriend. God chose you to be her PARENT. You have got to put your foot down, give her rules, give her structure. Tell her she doesn't have to like you, but she does have to live under your roof.. because without you she wouldn't be alive, much less have that roof over her head. Tell her you don't disrespect her with language and attitude and that you WILL NOT tolerate the disrespect visited upon you. Remind her that if she doesn't wanna be your child and follow by your rules that you will dial the number for child protective services for her!! Then she can explain to them why she is leaving her home because she can't mind her mommy like the big 14yr old girl she CLAIMS to be. If she can't mind your rules.. start yanking privileges such as tv, telephone, cell phone, computer time, out of the house time. Tell her because she chooses to act like a disrespectul lil brat that you can't treat her like a respectful young lady because respectful young ladies dont treat their moms the way she treats you! PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN ON THAT NECK GIRL,,, YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Theresa - posted on 01/24/2010
One thing I will not tolerate from my almost 14 year old son is attitude and back talking. It's tough because they're trying to fit into the adult world, where that stuff goes on all the time, but they are still kids. i let somethings go when he's trying to joke around. Sometimes he's smart mouthed, but doesn't even know it. If I call him on it he usually says sorry and realizes he's stepped over the line. If it's more than that with your daughter then I would start removing extras until she can be respectful. No cell phone, no TV or video games, no computer, except for school work, no talking on phone with friends, no going to friends' houses, etc. Explain that none of these things are things she is owed, they are extras and she needs to earn them by being respectful.
Debra - posted on 12/01/2013
I too am having issues with my 15 yr old daughter...We have taken her "things" as punishment, and she has now retreated to ignoring, not completing schoolwork, she is upset and I feel bad that I cannot fix it. She won't budge...
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Joanne - posted on 03/24/2012
I think you are a very smart for a 18 year old. I am a single mum and I have 4 kids. 31, 28, 14 and 3. I would like to say it was easy but it wasn't. You can't be a friend to your kids. You need to discipline your kids because you are the parent. You can't ever love them to much because love heals all wounds and fill the heart with joy.
I love to laugh with my kids and tell stories and have special moments. Honestly in my house I have taught my kids to put God first and it's me who stands there waiting and hoping they grab on, but they know all the information and understand the foundation which I believe helps my family and keeps us together.
It's a journey we take, it's not a day trip so hang in there. trust God, be patient and try to have the best attitude and don't give to the negative that says yell, scream . Think before you speak to them of how you would of liked to be spoken to when you there age. I believe the difference starts with us first and best follows. We are their first teachers.
Cindy - posted on 01/24/2010
Also with most teenagers at that age if you try to do the whole "sit down and have a talk with her" thing she will not want to listen and just sit there and roll her eyes the whole time and then just argue with you, trust me i know, that was me.
Sit down and have a quiet, patient, positive discussion with your daughter. But - also be stern enough with her to get the message across that being rude/disrespectful will not be tolerated - ever - to anyone. Reinforce your love for her, try to find out if there is something going on with her that you don't know about. It doesn't make her bad, but she definitely needs alot of parental guidance right now.
Chelsea - posted on 01/24/2010
My mom always acted the same way I did towards her to me. If i was pissy and rude she was the same way. It really got through to me. I do have a 13 year old sister in law thats the same way. I wait til she has calmed down and in control of herself, then I sit her down and without attacking her I simply ask her why she feels that way and what the real problem is. That normally works but its prob diff for mom daughter.
I have three teenagers myself also and the girls have had the same attitude issues. I talked to them and kept the lines open as much as I can. I had to get tough on them and take what they liked the most away to get the to understand. They didn't like this, but I had to do it over and over again. My 18 finally has it and has now stopped. My 15 year old is still at it. I am lucky my son hasn't had this problem. He has been easy to raise and just goes with the flow. Good luck with your 14 year old, I know it isn't easy.
Nicole A. - posted on 01/24/2010
difficult age. my son's 15. constant battle. power struggle. we are working giving some power where appropriate- with negotiation. if you dont do this, you dont watch tv for 3 days. yeah you'll get 'it's not fair!' or 'you have no right to do that'. but watch things get done with less drama. i can only suggest that you remind your daughter of the manners she was once taught. our kids have this sense of entitlement and arrogance that's mindblowing. i cant believe that i have to tell my son (who knows this already) 'you say thank you when someone does something nice for you. you dont have to like it or have asked for it, but they are going out of THEIR way for you, the least you can do is say 'thank you'.' i try hard not to add ' you ungrateful wretch' at the end of this. make sure child knows who's the parent and who's the child. sometimes they need reminders.. good luck and you have loads of support.. i have to add that you may have to start taking away certain things. tv time, video game time, etc.
recently i took my son on a shopping spree for his birthday. he was good on that day but then i found out he hadnt finished some things for school- so i packed up some of the items and drove back to the stores and returned them. he BMC'd (btched, moaned and complained) about it- i didnt have the right to, it's not fair, i'm mean, blah blah blah. .but this is what happens when you dont do what's expected of you, privileges start getting real minimal.
make it clear that if they dont like the rules, they can go somewhere where there are no rules. and good luck with finding THAT place. or. go to the extreme, start taking them to the nearest precinct since they have a problem with respecting adults and rules...
Samantha - posted on 01/24/2010
Wish I could help I get that from my 6 year old step daughter, getting to the point where I don't want tobe home when she comes over especially since I have a 6 month old son which she will be an influence on and dont want him to think it is ok as he gets older and do the same thing. I want him to be raised better than that
Tah - posted on 01/24/2010
i come from a family of 7 and i am 29 years old and i still would not dare disrespect my mother, she is 61 and would and has chased me up the steet, and then i would have to answer to my father and my siblings for the disrespect...she needs to know her place...
Tah - posted on 01/24/2010
all she needs is the basics until she can learn some respect. t.v for what..nope...you can try to talk to her of course but there have to be boundaries and consequences...from the time my children were born it's been yes mom, and yes ma'm and i had my son at 16..i always told him, we are not growing up together i am raising you, i have a 8 year old daughter i tell you the way she is with her father is different then when she comes home because my husband and myself do not play disrespect you don't like what i'm saying to u...fix your attitude until u get to your room, we have fun, we talk but they know there is a line and they know what's on the other side so they don't cross it....it's not to late for boundaries...
SHOW HER WHO'S THE PARENT N WHO'S THE CHILD, SEE IDK CUZ MY DAUGHTER IS ONLY 1 1/2 BUT I'D BE DAMNED IF SHE EVER DISRESPECT ME. I NEVER DISRESPECTED MY MOTHER N NOT THAT MY MOM WAS STRICT OR NOTHING CUZ MY MOM IS COOL AS HELL, BUT SHE MADE SURE WE KNEW OUR BOUNDARIES............. BUT IF U BEEN LETTING HER GET AWAY WITH DISRESPECT FOR A LONG TIME NOW ITS FINNA B HARDER TO GET HER IN CONTROL BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CANT B DONE.
Veronica - posted on 01/24/2010
I know its hard. Do you be strict or do you try to be understanding. I think a compromise of both. With my daughter I try to explain why her attitude is not okay. And other times I am strict. Both works depending on the time of her attitude. But alot of times I have been doing the same thing back to her. I do it when she really wants something. Then I explain why I am doing it, so she will understand that the way she acts up it is not ok. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it has worked for me most of the time. Good luck.
Elisa - posted on 01/24/2010
Well Joy I had three children and they are all grown up now but I KNOW WHEN MY WERE GROWING UP i WAS THEN A SINGLEMUM and I did the best I could but I was very strict. If you can't get her to respect you try treating her the same way she treats others that might work, but being a parent today is much harder then in my days.
Nancy - posted on 01/24/2010
Try sitting down with your daughter, just the two of you, and have a conversation about how she is doing; if she's experiencing any problems at school, with friends, etc. You don't indicate if she is the oldest - but if she is and there are younger ones in the family, perhaps you need to plan a morning or afternoon that the two of you just spend time together. 14 can be a difficult transition age especially for girls as they are attempting to fit in. Let her know you really don't care for her attitude, but do it during a conversation. Let her know it hurts you when she is disrespectful and that you really want a better relationship between the two of you. Yes, there are times I lost it with my daughters but when we took the time to talk things through and spend time together, it really seemed to make a difference. Same for my sons. Hope this helps!
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