Suggustions How to End Visitations with a Grandmother!! Six days Every Four weeks for a 2 year old!

Katie - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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For the past year I have been dealing with my mother taking my son on false pretenses. We were taken through the court system to settle the matter in which we had no lawyer (nor could afford one) and the court system seemed in favor of my mother the entire time. We have had our son back for a while now and our case is finally over but the judge put EXIT ORDERS on us stating that we must continue the VISITATIONS and extend them for six days every four weeks for the next three years, hair follicle testing every four months and to send my son to a therapist that he doesn't need to see. We are a one income family, I have stayed at home since my kids were born. But every time that my son goes to his visitations he gets so confused and totally doesn't understand what is going on, hes a different little boy every time. We get him back to normal by the time he has to go to another "visitations". This is just not fair to my son, I never married the lady she just gave birth to me and the thing is I never said she couldn't see my son the entire time but yet she still thinks that I am a bad person when I have proven myself innocent! I need help to figure out what to do, I live in Nevada and she and our case is in California. Please Any suggestions would help.

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Michelle - posted on 01/10/2011

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This won't really help with the court issue, but what your son is going through sounds an awful lot like what my son used to go through when he would come home from his visits at his dads. I took him to see a psychologist cause I was concerned about his behavior and what they told me is every child goes through a transition period, when arriving at the other parents home the rules are different and so they must readjust how they think. At a young age they don't understand what is going on so it is upsetting and the only way for them to get out their frustrations is by acting out. What I did with my little guy was tell him though his dad may allow the bad behavior we do not and it will not be tolerated. Now my son is 9 and his transitions are much easier, he gets home spends about an hour on his own to recharge and then everyone can coexist happily in the same household. As for your court case sounds like you got the short end of the stick here and that really sucks but the bottom line is you have to comply with the order go above and beyond prove to them that this setup isn't necessary and then when you get full custody of your son back you can decide how much if any role your mom will have in his life, but for now treat the visits to grandmas like he is going on a holiday make a big deal out of it so that your little guy knows that mommy and daddy are ok with him having fun with grandma. Sorry I wasn't much help.

Katie - posted on 01/10/2011

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My mother accused me of being a prostitute to support my crystal meth addiction and that I took my son with me supposedly. They removed my son immediately because of those accusations without investigation. And the only thing she could of accused me of and didn't is being a pot head but I don't do it around my kids at all. It's not that I was a bad mother but that my mother was assuming things without question and the courts went along with it because we couldn't afford a lawyer. It is in a small town in Cali and they are not thinking about the mental state of my child in this situation! This is a matter of her wanting control of my life because I moved out and she was mad and my sister has a large influence as well. This has been going on for over a year now and every lawyer that I have talked with tells me that things shouldn't of gone down like they did but we couldn't and still cant afford a lawyer but I'm wondering if there are other ways of doing court paper work or information of how to do it?? This has just become ridiculous!

[deleted account]

Well, since you have to submit to drug testing... I could only make guesses to why your mother has visitations...

If you disagree w/ the judge's decision.... get a lawyer and go back to court. Otherwise, follow the judge's orders or risk losing your son even more.


Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear. Sometimes judges make stupid decisions, but by not following them.... you risk more problems for yourself.

12 Comments

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Christy - posted on 01/12/2011

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You posted that you could be accused of being a pothead as well by her and that you don't ever do it around your kids. Does this mean you do smoke it? I am not against pot, but if you are on welfare and doing it, that is an issue. Shouldn't the money you are spending on it go to help out your household finances or getting a lawyer? Not trying to bash you here, really. If you aren't smoking pot and I misunderstood, and even if you are, your mom sounds toxic as hell and I would document everything and take her butt back to court.

Katie - posted on 01/11/2011

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I thought you were a great help. I do agree that saying that may help but at his young age he is just confused about the situation. That's the thing we do have full custody she never had custody she just had guardianship rights, but we have all rights back for him. That's why I am wondering if these so called "exit orders" are legit. But thank you for the advice!

Katie - posted on 01/10/2011

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That's the thing CPS isn't involved because I have never done anything in their standards for them to have a need to be involved. I have gone to them and asked them to investigate me but like I said I have done nothing in their standards for them need to get involved. The problem with Legal Aid is I am a Nevada State resident and the case is in California because I am on Welfare and I asked them if they were able to help but because of the different state they cant. I have tried all the options I can think of that is why I have put this out their because minds don't always think alike, maybe someone has an idea that I haven't exonerated.

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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Get legal aid, If you have passed hair drug tests all this time, thats all the proof you need to show CPS that you havent done those drugs. Crazy you have to go through this!! I would also ask your lawyer about your civil rights with CPS, seems to me they may of violated some of those.

[deleted account]

Document, document, document. Then take her back to court with a lawyer and show them how she is having an adverse effect on your son and his behavior shows it. Take lots of video of your home life and the days leading up to each visit both before and after visitation. Do this for several visits and make sure that none of you ever say anything bad about "grandma". If you ever suspect she may run with your son take her to court and get an order of protection against her. If he comes back with a mark of any kind document it. Document and record any communication with her. so on and so on.......

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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Until you have followed through with the courts decision for the next 3yrs there is nothing you can do. You are going to have to abide by the ruling or you will be in contempt of court and lose custody of your son most likely permanently. I would wait a little while follow through with everything that is being asked of you and then go back to court with the proof that you are drug free, have followed all stipulations and see if they will amend the ruling.

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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3 years of drug testing? What drug did you test positive for before? Why did your mother have your son to start with? Im all up for parents getting their children back once they have fixed up their lives, but courts need to keep close eye on these parents for the safety of the child. Sounds to me like Cali is doing its job, suck it up, and deal with it.

Courts dont just make orders (and waste tax payers money) unless they feel its in the well being of a child. So if you are innocent, do what the courts have ordered and prove it.

Katie - posted on 01/10/2011

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We are to report the drug testing and information about the therapist to my mother. The Judge said that if we don't she has right to file Guardianship paperwork for my son again! How is this Judge able to put stipulations on my son for longer than he's been alive and why does she have "visitations" at all?

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