Summer Parenting with BM

Bri - posted on 05/28/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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BM hasnt been there THAT much since Feb. But she wants her summer parenting time which is just about six weeks. She gets them the 2nd half of summer from what is arranged. While my fiance is at work out of town i wont always be around him, can I call BM on her phone so i can talk to my SK. If BM won't ALLOW it is that contempt as a Step parent. ??? I have been raising my SK for a couple years since I have been with my SK's dad!!! I just dont know. its going to be alot of weirdness going on since I wont get a chance to talk to him everyday and he is SO young! Poor little guy!

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Jodi - posted on 05/28/2011

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But BM is also his mum, and she has rights too. I am sure she loves her son, even if you don't think so, and I'm sure that she tries to do things in the best interest of her son, even if it isn't the way you would do them. In all honesty, she probably feels you might be continually undermining her as his mother, and perhaps she just wants a chance to do something herself without your interference?



If the right to these phone calls hasn't been included in the agreement, and you go ahead and do it anyway, knowing it will piss her off, aren't you making things worse?



I DO understand you are worried for your stepson, but I am assuming your fiance will be making phone calls to check up on things to make sure your step son is ok (is THAT allowed for in the agreement?). You may have to just take a step back and liaise with HIM about his conversations with your step son. I know this will be very hard for you and you will miss him, but sometimes, it is much better for the long-term benefit of the child to find some semblance of a relationship with the child's other parent, and taking the high road will earn brownie points towards at least being in a position to be civil to one another. It is a long way to 18.....

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Jodi - posted on 05/28/2011

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Do you have phones capable of a 3 way conversation? Like 2 hand sets or something? Or the ability to link up remotely on a 3 way conversation? I can't see that would be a problem, because that is DAD initiating it, and he has that right. It's only you who doesn't.

Given there is nothing in the agreement stopping you from talking to him, you are not doing anything wrong, but she is also not wrong in refusing your call (not legally anyway, morally, it's not fair at all). I guess I am just suggesting that you play a real back seat on this one, and if you do have the chance to talk to him, great, do that, but don't make it something that is going to end up a total shit fight. I know it is hard, and I know it's not what you want.

But look into ways to have 3 way conversations - I know they are out there. I know I can do it with my phones, I just don't know how :P Never quite figured it out. If you're not sure, have a talk to your phone company - they'd know the options.

Of course, I don't know any of you, so only you can know if my advice is any help to you, I am just going on things you have said.

Bri - posted on 05/28/2011

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what about me talking to him if my soon to be fiance calls?? if BM allows my soon to be dh talk to him may i??

Bri - posted on 05/28/2011

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She doesnt put my SK's best interest, and best interest isn't taking phone privileges away from me at this point.

i know it makes BM mad too doing it.

Jodi - posted on 05/28/2011

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You obviously aren't party to any visitation agreement, and I am assuming, given you are asking the question, that it also isn't a clause in the agreement/order, so basically, no she will not be in contempt if she doesn't let you talk to him. Can your fiance discuss this issue with her and see if perhaps she will be co-operative? Or is that just totally off the tables?

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