Surrogacy

Raegan - posted on 06/03/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I am 28 years old & have no potential for getting married or having a child anytime soon. I also have a personal reason that gives me a strong desire to give the gift of life to someone that may not be able to do it on their own. I would love to be a surrogate. People seem to think Im crazy to carry someone else's child & then give up all rights to it but that is not the case. I think that surrogacy is something I would be great at. Does anyone have any thoughts or have someone in mind?

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Allison - posted on 06/05/2010

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Katherine- Unfortunately I just saw your reply. I must have been in the middle of writing mine when yours showed up. Before I really get into how I feel about the horrendous post you wrote, I was hoping to ask you a few questions. Have you adopted, or is your child/ren biological? Have you had any infertility/pregnancy issues? Have you almost lost your life because of a pregnancy/delivery complication, almost leaving your living child without a mother? And lastly, have you had to plan a funeral for a baby you never got to meet? You had such strong feelings about surrogacy, I was just wondering if any of them were founded in experience, or just rash judgment?

And thank you Nicole and Andrea.

Andrea - posted on 06/04/2010

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Katherine, It sounds to me like you haven't experienced infertility...lucky you! Why should those of us who need medical help to get pregnant have to adopt? It's not the fault of science that there are kids in foster care and orphanages...it's their parents' fault. It isn't all that easy to adopt where I am from and in fact we would have been put on an 8 year waiting list. If we chose to adopt a special needs child we could have had one sooner, but then I would be required to quit my job to stay home with the child and then how would I afford the necessities of the child? It is far from disgusting and not at all just to be blood related.

Adoption is not a treatment for infertility!

Nicole - posted on 06/03/2010

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to the one who is truley disgusted in surrogacy try being 28 years old,paying a morgage and having to pay for three funerals. my best friend lost her first and had to give birth to the boy stillborn the second little boy died in his fathers arms at 8 weeks and just recently they had a little girl who only made it to see 3 days.so before you sit there and judge people i suggest you take a walk in some of those peoples lives who all they want is every familys dream to be able to have a family. every body deserves to have that.

Katherine - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think there's enough adoptable children out there, that rather than encourage this don't-adopt-pay-tons-of-money-for-science-baby culture, you should do something such a fostercare or adoption. There are plenty of children out there who need help. They need us - and this science makes many of them stay in fostercare or orphanages.
I am personally very disgusted with those who chose surrogacy and pay the money for it - they do not truly care for children, just the old fashioned concept of blood-relations, as if raising the child wouldn't make them your own.
This is a disgusting thing that is done for money. It does the world absolutely no good.
It is rather messed up - some people abort, others surrogate, all in the name of blood-relation. Lottery of life.

Joanna - posted on 06/03/2010

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You have to have had at least one child before, and I Think part of the reasoning is so you understand the difficulties of pregnancy, and can understand more fully having a child and knowing the bond, which would in turn I think help make a better decision about if surrogacy is for you (some women just couldn't handle having a child and then giving it away, they bond too easily, so that rule might be to make sure you wouldn't go through that).

I have a friend who's on her hormones right now and is going in to "get pregnant" to be a surrogate on the 7th. IT's a lot of work, a lot of emotions.

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Isabella - posted on 10/19/2012

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Hi,



I have just signed up with a surrogacy agency and will be screened soon. I have had 1 miscarriage before I had my beautiful daughter and I hope I get the opportunity to help someone experience joys of parenthood!



I especially want to help a gay couple or single parent, but all in all everyone deserves a chance to be a mum or dad,

S. - posted on 07/18/2012

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@ crissy in the Uk the surrogates mother has 100% legal rights over the baby and the parents have to adopt there own baby after a proses of (I think 6weeks) the "birth mother" shows on the birth certificate and if that woman is married he goes down as the father too. Even if it isnt the surrogates egg.
My best friend was going to be a surrogate for her sister but it took 6years for some reason, my friend unforunatly had to drop it, her sister has gone on to adopt and is very happy.
Another friend at the moment doing and it has taken a under a year!
I could of done it for my sisters if they couldn't carry babies but they have children so that really isn't a issue. I Would do it for my good friend and her partner but I probably wouldn't for anyone else and only With there egg not mine! I'd look at it as if a friend asked me to take care of her child for 9 months I would, I would take love it and yes grow attached but then give it back as it wouldnt be mine. I would always be close to it.

There is all kinds of counselling you go through but if u can do it, I can imagine it is a fantastic thing to do.

Mary Renee - posted on 04/20/2011

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I think I agree with others here that you should probably have your own child to see how your body reacts to the pregnancy before agreeing to do it for somebody else.

I was only 23 when I had my daughter, but it wreaked havoc on my body that I wasn't expecting, and I was young! They often say the younger you are, the faster you recover, but even at 23, it took me 8 months to lose the baby weight, and I now have stretch marks on my breasts and hips that will never go away (and I'm not big girl, I'm 115 lbs) I had heartburn for 9 months, had to pee every half hour, and as a stomach sleeper it was a long time of not being comfortable, and CONSTANT fatigue and "Mommy Brain". And I had an EASY no-risk pregnancy! The only thing that made it worth it was knowing that it was my baby in there.

I think that what you want to do to help people is really honorable and giving them a really great gift. But I agree with others that you have to know what you're getting into first. Before actually being pregnant I had a really rosy view of pregnancy. I imagined glowing happy women all smiles with cute bellies. But no, my ass got huge, my boobs will never be the same (neither will my belly button) And it's not really just a 9 month commitment because it takes 6 weeks to "recover" from an easy delivery (longer if you tear worse or end up needing a c-section) and then months to lose the weight.

Crissy - posted on 06/06/2010

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The key words here are carrying someone elses child. As a surrogate you wouldn't have any legal right to the child from the very beginning and that's something that they make sure you know and are okay with. I think if you feel strongly about it and feel that you can and are ready to do something like that then you should. It is an amazing gift to be able to give someone who so badly wants it. I am 27 and engaged to the father of my 3 children. I to have considered surrogacy, I've even had a friend ask me if I would be willing to do it for her and her husband. Everybody is different and what someone cannot handle you may be able to. Although, most surrogacy places do prefer, and some require, that you already have at least one child of your own. Something else you could look into is donating your eggs.

Cindy - posted on 06/06/2010

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I to am thinking along the surrogacy line, I have 2 children myself and don't plan on expanding the brood any further at this point and my brother in law and his wife are desperatley trying for a baby but due to a lot of medical implications it is proving to be very hard for them. I think if they supply the ingrediants I will turn the oven on one more time! BUT how do I explain it to the two I already have???? It is a lot to take on board I would say give it a few more years as a lot can happen in 12 months you never know you may just get the desire to have a child of your own :)

Abbie - posted on 06/06/2010

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Raegan, I think you need to wait until you have experience the birth of your own child before offering such a gift to someone else. I have a friend who offered it to me, but I turned her down as her family is NOT complete yet. Its a great thing, but you are still very young and have lots of time and when you feel your family is complete then you can at that time, offer that.

Chandra - posted on 06/05/2010

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I think surrogacy is an amazing gift. I would be curious about what your 'personal reason' is, as I would worry that you potentially want to fill a void that most likely could not be filled by being a surrogate. Of course, that is an assumption and your personal reason could be anything. I, too, had a personal reason for wanting to be a surrogate - my reason was that my brother and sister-in-law were struggling with infertility and having had three children myself, I knew the joy of having a child and wanted that for them. Adoption is risky and can be very expensive as well, and as has been said, it is not a treatment for infertility. I believe that everyone has the right to have a biological child if they so choose. I think it is wonderful to adopt a child, however, like everything else in parenting, I believe it is up to the parents to decide what is best for their family. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

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i think you are wonderful for truly wanting to do this. your hearts in the right place.. now with that said.. honestly, i have two boys of my own.. being pg is such a life changing experience.. bc you seem to be so willing to help and bless someone.. why not looking into like someone said b4 foster care or or putting your passions into working at an adoption agency or something like this.. i know it doesnt seem the same.. BUT there are so many families out there right now that need someone like you to be there for them, trust me.. God bless you

Lois - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think if the child was not biologicaly related to you it would be easyer to give it to the couple who were going to raise it.Or if it was going to be raised by a close familie member.I have sean adds in the newspaper for couples looking for surrogates,but most say that they require previous birth experance.If your heart is big enough to do this,it would give someone a wonderful gift.

Allison - posted on 06/03/2010

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I too, am a little confused. I don't see how wanting a baby of your own translates into being a surrogate. I, too, am pretty sure that agencies prefer that you have already carried at least one child to term. Not only for the emotional reasons, but because of physical reasons as well. It is impossible to predict how a body will respond to pregnancy and childbirth, when it has never gone through either. I am considering using my best friend as my surrogate (who has one child), as I have had multiple problems in my pregnancies, that have left it life threatening for me to carry another child. When meeting with a fertility center, I was told that even they prefer that my surrogate had given birth at least once, and I believe the agencies are even more adamant about that, as people using that option are paying a great deal of money to ensure a successful pregnancy. Also, I think that doing a surrogacy at this point in your reproductive life would rob you of a very special experience. There is nothing like your first pregnancy, and I feel you should save that experience for when you carry your own child. Now, if you are doing this as a favor to someone you are close to, that changes everything, but otherwise, I think you should wait. Don't get me wrong, I think that surrogacy is a wonderful and selfless offer, but I am not sure if it is something you should pursue right now.

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2010

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So why do yu want to do it exactly? I'm a little confused. If you want to have a baby, then have one- you don't need a husband, get inseminated. If you want to be pregnant than you probably want to have a baby LOL. If you just want to give someone else the gift of life, consider selling your eggs. It's different, but still an amazing gift.

Nicole - posted on 06/03/2010

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I have offered to be a surrogate and we are working through it at the mo.I have three children of my own already, i think in theory what you are doing is great but in practise you may find it alot harder,maybe you should really think about what you want in life before helping any one else because once you hold that baby all your emotions change.but if you can do it then good on you girl.

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I would only be a surrogate for family as the child would therefore always be in my life afterwards. I can understand your feelings for wanting to be a surrogate for someone though...my sister who is only 22 is on medications that she shouldn't get pregnant on and if she were to go through a pregnancy and have to get off those medications she would be pretty useless. I think pregnancy may take a toll on her body that would make the process worse for her then the benefits of having a child! She currently does not want kids, but I have mentally prepared myself to be a surrogate if ever she changes her mind...This question was also posed to me by my brother when he thought his g/f (mother of my nephew) was going to be unable to have a kid...like I said, for family ANYTHING! For her I hadn't even had kids yet so again, I understand wanting to give that to someone else, it is the biggest reason I do not want to get my tubes tied! Although I feel my family is complete I have a feeling someone else will need me...

*Lisa* - posted on 06/03/2010

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To be honest, I wouldn't trust you not to steal my baby either lol. Only because I know that once you have that baby kicking around inside you, it's hard not to feel such a bond with him/her. I would be worried that you wouldn't be able to let go. Especially seeing as you haven't experienced it before. I hope you do get to do this surrogacy thing though. It's very brave of you :)

Raegan - posted on 06/03/2010

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I have spoken to my doctor about it, also my gyno when I got checked out for the woman that had asked me to consider it, and even spoken to my therapist when I had one. I have thought of all aspects of it. I think that its more scary for the couple or mother than it is for me. I realize that there are feelings that I will not experinence until i actually having a child growing inside of me, but bottom line is, it would not be mine.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/03/2010

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I agree with Louise. I think it's a lovely thing if you can manage it, but it shouldn't be taken lightly. Good luck :)

Raegan - posted on 06/03/2010

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I do not have children of my own, and yes, agencies do require that. I met with someone once & we began the process but she backed out. She never gave me a reason but I know that it would be extremely difficult to trust me not to "steal" her baby. But its just that, it would not be in any way MY child, its like babysitting, which I love to do & always give the children back. :)

Louise - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think you have a lot of soul searching to do. If you have not had a baby then how do you know you will be able to give it away. Pregnancy is a strange condition and you can not help but bond with that baby whilst it is growing inside you. I can understand women doing this when there family is complete but not a single women who has had no children. If you can do this then it is a fantastic thing to do for somebody but please do not think this is an easy thing to do as mother and baby bonds run deep. You really need help with this one so go and see a councillor before you take the first step. One other point is what would you do with the baby if the couple you are having the baby for split up before you have the baby 9 months is a long time and this does happen?

Erin - posted on 06/03/2010

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Do you have any children now? I always thought that in order to be one you had to have at least one child of your own, I could be wrong though. I think surrogacy is a wonderful thing to do for someone. I wouldn't be able to do it unless it was for my sister.

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