suspect boyfriend is unhappy with me and our son

Melissa - posted on 03/02/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I met my boyfriend freshman year of highschool and ever since that day i have been obsessed with him. Obsessed with the idea of us being together...forever. I cannot imagine life without him, there is no other man in my life and there never will be. We talked for a few months but he didnt want a relationship with me and I wasnt ready for anything serious I mean I was a kid in high school....right???? anyways the years went by & we found ourselves in the same spot. No one knew about us, we we'rent supposed to happen but one day I decided I was tired of my mother physically abusing me ( not saying that she is a bad mother because after everything we've been through she is still here to support me any time) I am nobody to judge her for her actions but I didnt wanna live like that, I knew there was other things I could be doing rather than going to school mon-fri, church wednesday, stay at home saturday & church sunday....every...day..of..my...life except holidays. anyways one day an argument popped off and after the usual yelling, name calling and physical violence i decided to just leave. that night i packed every backpack i owned with as much stuff i could fit in it and left without saying anything. I was supposed to go to my friends house who lives about 2hours away from the city i live in so that meant i wouldnt be around for a while. back then myboyfriend and I werent dating, we would text all the time, I was still inlove with him. do you remember that time you felt so special about someone that everything you do reminds you of them, you wanna spend every second next to them, all you do is think of that person.. well this is how I felt about him. so I call him and tell him what had just happened yea I just ran away from home(i was 17) and we decided i would spend the night at his house as a way of saying good bye i know what youre thinking... what are two little horny highscool kids gonna do in the same bedroom?? well no. nothing happened that day. I was a 17 year old virgin which was 1 in 8 girls at the time. I was the only virgin in my group of friends so you can imagine how that went. after staying that night I guess i can say i got my hopes up about us and I started to imagine what it would be like to live with him, if we could grow old together, get married, have children... yes i was a seventeen year old wishing for this stuff. somehow by the end of that night we agreed i would stay for the rest of the weekend... the weekend went by way too fast for me!! it was like my dream come true..sleep next to him, eat with him, everything with him... i was crazy in love at this point. the furthest we would go as far as sex and stuff was kissing and a little bit of touching lol. weeks went by and i was just there, we would go out have fun it was all good. as our friendship grew i fell in love with him more and more. i wanted this forever, after a month of being sexually active with my partner i started to notice my body changing, i started to think i was pregnant! i had mos symptoms but not all so i didnt want to scare him if i wasnt sure. before i know it i am constantly imagining myself having a baby with him and living happily every after.. i finally brought it up and i told him that i thought i was pregnant but it wasnt a sure thing. the next day i went to my schools clinic and ask for a pregnancy test and it came out negative. i felt relieved as well as disapointed. i felt as though getting pregnant by the guy i think i love is too good to happen to me. as the days went by the symptoms were still here, it took 5 pregnancy tests until the sixth one.... after 5 negatives the screen finally displayed positive....as the nurse said the words "you're pregnant" i felt that knot come up my throat, it was a mixture of happiness and fear. fear that when i told him the news he would kick me out and i would have to go home and explain to my mom how i left for a few months and now im back with a little present? i went in my car and just broke down. i felt alone and hopeless.. as i drove back to his house i thought of how i was gonna tell him. when i told him the news he also felt scared and disapointed but at any moment he considered abortion or leaving us. now that yall know a little about our past im gonna fast forward to now. well we have a small one bedroom apartment just enough space for us two and our baby. we manage to take care of business pretty well but theres some things that make me ask myself... is this really what he wanted or did he stay because of our son? like every other couple we fight. but when we fight i forget who he is to me, i say things i dont mean.. i get physical with him and i dont know why i feel the need to defend myself and show him he cant step all over me. i am the type of girl that wishes to be loved and reminded how beautiful i am.. i happy i make him.. how much he loves me all that good stuff and hes the total opposite. when i try talking to him about being affectionate and it always turns into an argument. on the two valentines we've lived together i havent recieved ONE rose. cutting some flowers from his grandmas garden and writing on a piece of paper " i love you" would make me the happiest girl on earth. i give him love im always reminding him i love him, i rendomly hug him and kiss him. most of the time he's irritated by it and tells me to "get off him" at first i would take it as a joke or it didnt matter. now i am feeling like he never wanted this i feel like he feels forced to stay because of his child and that makes me sad. i dont know how to make him care about my feelings. when i try talking about things that bother me he never admits he's wrong or comes up with a solution to the problem. all he believes we should do is ignore the problem. when i ask him if he loves me he says yes and when we talk about separeating and being with other people he says that he doesnt think he's capable of being with another girl after me and of course i feel the same way. most of the time i feel like i ruined his life, i feel like this isnt what he wanted..i have seriously considered grabbing my kid and leaving too..i feel confused i need someones opinion

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Sarah - posted on 03/03/2016

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Dove you make a smart compassionate response.
Today, I am at my limit! I did seven pregnancy tests this morning. SEVEN!!!! With two of the girls hauled away to the Dean after fighting about who gets the next slot on the daycare waiting list. I am losing my mind with teens. Melissa, you were careful to point out how you held on to you virginity and then were stupid enough to have unprotected sex and conceive a child! Have you even gotten you diploma or GED? Based on you history of abuse and you obsessive need to be loved, you were not even ready for a relationship let alone to be a parent. Where is you mom and dad now? You need to build your own self esteem and self worth before you can model those behaviors for your child. Perhaps you need to consider moving back with you parents, if they will have you, finish school, and get a life of your own. One that is not defined by whether or not a boy is in love with you!

Dove - posted on 03/03/2016

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Counseling. You need to heal from your abusive past and learn how to not be so obsessive about this guy. Yes, you love him and he's the father of your child, but nothing you have posted is a sign of a healthy, mature relationship. Please... seek some private counseling and urge him to seek couple's counseling w/ you.

You can not MAKE anyone feel anything that they don't and you can't control what another human being does. All you can do is learn to control yourself.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/03/2016

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I can't add anything. Sarah and Dove have covered it.

I am SO THANKFUL that my sons have made better choices, though...!

Melissa, good luck with everything. Start with counseling, and maybe some parenting classes with your boyfriend.

Dove - posted on 03/03/2016

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I'm at my limit too... but not w/ teens. My teens are awesome. ♥ It's the almost 8 year old boy that is going to push me over the edge... lol

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