Taking Care of Another Woman's Child

Nikki - posted on 10/14/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




My name is Nikki and I have a matter that I would like to get some opinions on. First of all, I am 37 years old. My only son just turned 18 years old and graduated from H.S. in 2010. Any parent would be proud of a child that you had to raise as a single parent and to see him walk across the stage to retrieve his diploma. I thought that at this point, things would get easier for me since I've done my part to bring up a young man who is now prepared to be a productive citizen in this world. Well, shortly after my son turned 18 years old, I ran back into a guy that I use to date about 10 years ago. We starting reconnecting and everything seemed nice at first. Later I found out that he is sick (Diabetic) and always seems to go to the hospital for uncontrolled diabetes. This man has 3 children by 1 woman. 2 of there children live in another state with her family and the mother had her 7 year old son living with her. 2 months in my relationship with the Father, we find out that his son is being abused by his mother's husband (stepdad) and CPS got involved. My boyfriend loves his children and I saw how sick he became and how badly he wanted his son safe. Sooooo, I agreed that his son could stay with us temporarily until his mother figures out what it is she plans to do. My problem is that I take care of ALL the expenses. My boyfriend has been down on his luck and going through some hard times. We all have hard times and we all need a little support once in awhile, but now all this responsibility is wearing me down. I'm not ready to step up and play stepmommy and I'm not even married to his Father. His Father EXPECTS too much out of me as it is and now I'm kinda feeling like I'm being taking advantage of. There are rules in my home and just because this 7 year old child could do whatever he wanted at his mother's house does not mean that he can do it at mines. His Father lets him get away with not listening and doesn't do a real good job in my eyes on how he disciplines him. That's just it, he doesn't discipline him when I think there are times that a butt woopen would be fair. Recently, I've felt that all the love, kindness and money that I have spent on both him and his son are going unappreciative. I love my boyfriend, I do, I do., but this is just a little too much for me to adapt to in just 4 months of reconnecting. I want him to leave my home, but I don't want the guilt trip of knowing, 1) They don't have anyplace else to live, 2) The child could possibly be forced to move back to his mother's home since his father is financially uncapable of caring for his own child. I feel stuck and I don't like this feeling. I'm a Godly woman, I love God and I love to help those that that deserve the help, but I don't like for my kindness to be treated as being Weak. I don't know what to do, but this ain't working no more. HELP!


Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011




Hi there you have got nothing to feel guilty about your boyfriend needs to get off his bum and take the responablitiy of looking after his own responanblity. I know you reaaly care for the father but you need to tell that you have had enough and move on with your life good luck

Brianna - posted on 10/14/2011




you have nothin to feel bad about. you have dont alot to help already. why does his son go stay with him other kids? i think hes takin advantage of you. if u decide to not kick him out i would suggest u sit down with him and explain to him that if he and his son want to stay it YOUR house there are rule that MUST be followed or they have to leave. such as if ur working he has to clean and cook also rule about behavior after u talk to him you both will need to sit down with his son and explain the house rules


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