Taking In Someone Else's Kids.

Firebird - posted on 06/09/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am going to be taking in a friend's 2 daughters (3 and nearly 7) for 2 weeks - 2 months over the summer. These children have no discipline at home, they basically do whatever they want, so staying at my house for an extended period of time is going to be a huge change for them. They're only used to being here for a few days at a time.

I need some advise on how I can make the transition a little less difficult for them and myself lol. They usually listen to me very well, but they do have their moments when they're quite defiant. I'm sure after the first few days, they're going to have a very hard time adjusting to this new situation, especially since they won't have their dad with them like they normally do.

If any of you have any suggestions as to how I can ease them into having real rules, and making their time without dad a little easier, I'd appreciate them. Thanks.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/09/2012

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That is fine. I was not trying to pry, just get a clear picture of their circumstance.

Well, just don't bombard them. When they arrive, sit down and let the know a few house ruels:

sharing
no cursing or bad words
no hitting
kindness
meal times everyone sits at the table
and bed time rules.

Just let them know this is a loving home, and you hope they have a lot of fun here. Just do real simple and basic rules. Don't just bombard them all at once with everything they do wrong. You are a great friend for doing this, and it must be a bit stressful on you. Try your best to fully open up your home to these children, it sounds like they need the right kind of attention.

Also, don't expect to much from them, don't expect them to act like your own children. Whatever they are going through, may make them act out more. If not that, then being in a new home without mom and dad may bring some serious emotions that they don't know how to handle and they act out. Try not to be to hard on them. Lots of hugs, and plenty of positive encouragement.

You are great for doing this.

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Amber - posted on 06/10/2012

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I would sit them down and go over ALL the rules and the consequences that follow if you break them. How much you let them get away with at first though, is up to you. I would say cut a little slack for the first couple weeks, and remind them once or twice of the rules before handing out consequences, but after that they should be adjusted enough to know better. The fact that you use positive behavior reinforcement is great too, it should make them want to continue to behave very well.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/09/2012

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I think you should start as you mean to go on, otherwise it will be confusing for them. So all the rules right away, with full consequences. But have some fun days planned with picnics or trips to the beach or whatever so that it doesn't all get too negative.

Firebird - posted on 06/09/2012

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Unfortunately, I can't post on a public forum why they're coming to stay with me. When they're here for short durations, they are treated the same way my daughter is, with a few variations. For example: time outs don't work with my kid, but so far, they've worked well with my friend's children. My daughter knows my house rules and she usually loses a privilege if she crosses the line. Which usually only happens a couple of times a week, surprisingly .My daughter is kept pretty busy with activities throughout the day, and the other two join in when they're here.

My main concern here is that these poor kids are going to be bombarded with rules that they don't have at home. They literally do what they want, when they want at home, and that just doesn't fly here. Kids go to bed on time, they don't eat ice cream at 10pm, they aren't permitted to hit each other, and they certainly do not use crude language in my house. Big difference from their own home.

With these kids and my own, I usually use a fair amount of positive behaviour enforcement, but of course certain actions do come with consequences. I can see it in them that they want to behave, but they just aren't accustomed to rules. I just don't know if I should take it easy on them until they adjust, or if I should stand my ground and enforce the rules like I do with my own daughter.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/09/2012

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Can you maybe elaborate a bit more? Why are they staying with you for such an extended period of time? What do you practice when they are with you for short durations? How do you deal with your own children?

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