Taking my son without my consent

Charmaine - posted on 08/12/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )




My boyfriend that I live with says he will take my son with him if we split without my consent maybe even move away, can he do that my son is 4 years old. I live in South Africa

Please help don't know what I should do and my rights


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Raye - posted on 08/12/2015




Any parent that begins dating someone else needs to really sit and talk with their new love interest about a parenting plan right away so that they are both on the same page with how the kids are to be raised. It sound's like you and your BF are not on the same page with expectations of how your older son should act. You need to respect each other's opinions, come to a compromise, and enforce the rules with your child. Since the older boy is yours and not your BF's, I would lean more toward you having most of the control over enforcing rules and discipline. But if you and your BF can't come to an agreement on raising the child, then you are not a functional family, and should think about changing the family dynamic... whether that means that your oldest moves to his dad's or you move out with the kids, you have to decide that.

If your BF is the father of your youngest, then generally the child belongs to both of you... and either parent can assume custody until it is settled in the courts. So, I would say that he could keep the son from you, at least temporarily, until you fight him in court. Speak with a lawyer to find out the laws where you live.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/12/2015




Well, I'm not sure of laws in your area, but if you are not willing to remove yourself and your children from what is very obviously an abusive situation, perhaps it WOULD be best for your elder son to live with his biological father, where he will not daily be exposed to an abusive asshole that his mother seems to think she needs to be in a relationship with.
My recommendation is to retain an attorney, ask that paternity for the younger be established, and work on getting out of the relationship, REGARDLESS of what your asshole boyfriend wants.
Your duty is to your children, not some man.

Dove - posted on 08/12/2015




I do not know the specific laws in South Africa, but it sounds like you need to get a lawyer involved immediately. Your boyfriend is emotionally abusing your teenager and threatening to take off w/ your preschooler... and neither of those things are acceptable. Your teenager has a right to be safe (which if you aren't going to leave the boyfriend... living w/ his father MIGHT be a good idea) and your little guy has a right to have access to BOTH of his parents.

Good luck!

Charmaine - posted on 08/12/2015




It looks like we headed down slit Ville although its not what he wants, he says that's what he'll do if I don't let my 13year old son move out and go live with his dad because he feels I take my sons part over his, which I tell him I don't. I stand up for my son if I have to, he says my son is rude and disrespects him. I tell him you should scould him if his wrong but not physically hit him and that he does not handle the situation properly, the only solution he has is for my son to go stay with his dad and the other way he handles the situation is by swearing my son of the ugliest fulger words and in from of the little one and I don't agree with that so he says I just take my sons part and don't stand by him, you will swear he is fighting with someone his own age ( sic )

Michelle - posted on 08/12/2015




If he is the Father then yes he can. You would have to get yourself a lawyer and go to court to sort out visitation and custody.
Just because you are the Mother doesn't mean you automatically get full custody.
Are you thinking of leaving or is your BF just insecure and being an ass?

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