Talking parents

Sara - posted on 11/09/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone, im dealing with somthing that i have no idea how to handle any kind advice would be appreciated.

My daughter is 4 years old and has never met her bio dad.I had a one Night stand kinda thing and ended up gettint knocked up in 2012, I tried to make it work with my daughters dad but he was extermly abusive and on drugs, he soon droped of the face of the earth. Just last year in june he sued me for custody, while i was 7 months prego with my new husband. Anyways he didnt get anything, but we have to talk to talking parents, where he can slowley come into my daughters life. MY problem is that he wants to see her all the time and im having a hard accepting it, im happily married know with two kids my daughter in love with her step dad who she calls dad.And i dont want her to know any diifernt exp since he was never good to me. I have no idea how to go about this... Do i just let him in, and if i do how? and how do i explain to my four year old who he is? and how many times should i allow him to see her? What do i do..Will she call my husband step dad ?

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Michelle - posted on 11/10/2016

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I would suggest that you get some counselling to help you through. A family counselor would probably be the best as they would know the best way to move forward.
You also need to get a visitation schedule in writing, that way everyone knows what is going on and it's not him just wanting more time.

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Sara - posted on 11/10/2016

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the court order was that we could only talk on talking parents we each had 24rs to sighn up, he did it 2 months later , and threw that i could invite him to events such as tball dance ect,but since she has nothing going on we just go to the park for an hour. Hes seen her once, and i undersatnd that i need to let it just happen but its so hard. Hes just horrible he so rude off in on in jail drug addict he says hes clean know but i have really no idea and he lives 4 hours away from me.Its even harder because she has a father figuer who has raised her who she considers dad. just how do manage it, i just feel really overwhelmed. i know i have to let go , but how do you do that?

Dove - posted on 11/09/2016

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Michelle has it pretty much covered. She has a right to know the truth (honestly, but simply in a way a child can understand like Michelle mentions) and has a right to develop a relationship w/ her father regardless of anything that happened between the two of you.

Is there a court visitation order detailed? If not... it would probably be worth it to get specific details, so there is no guess work for either of you.

Michelle - posted on 11/09/2016

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You have to put aside your feeling about him to start with. Your daughter has a right to know her Father.
Did the courts state how often he should be seeing her? Maybe talk to your lawyer and get a visitation agreement drawn up.
You need to tell her the truth. You say that you fell in love with someone before "Daddy" and had her. She doesn't need to know he was sort of a one night stand or any of the details. She needs to know she is loved and that he is her Father.

Jodi - posted on 11/09/2016

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Sara, are you saying that the court has told you that you have to start allowing a relationship to build between your daughter and her dad?

Heather - posted on 11/09/2016

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So my son is 2 months today. I spoiled him. I have a daughter 11. I was 16 when i had her. When she was 2 her father and i divorced and i had no family and no help so i did the best thing for her and let her live with my ex inlaws. After my daughter i had cervical cancer and misscarried 4xs throughout the years. I thought it was god punishing me for not being a good mother to my daughter. Then one day i was pregnant giving birth to an 8lb 5oz miracle. I guess the guilt for bot being there for my daughter has caused me to be very clingy to my son and now i cant shower .... i literally had to hold him today while i peed. What do i do? He will cry till he is purple in the face but as soon as i pick him up he stops completely.

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