Tantrums

Jennifer - posted on 02/07/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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anyone to give any advice on how to stop my two year olds nasty tantrums, she can go for 30 min sometimes more its crazy and its over silly things please help!!!

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Sylvia - posted on 03/22/2011

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This unfortunately is a thing that a very, very high proportion of 2-year-olds do. (Three- and 4-year-olds, too, but as kids get older and develop more language and better coping skills, the meltdowns diminish.)

With my DD I found that 90% of meltdowns were really my fault, not hers: she was hungry, over-tired, or both, and I missed the early warning signs that would have allowed me to head the meltdown off. So my first suggestion would be, watch when the meltdowns happen -- near bedtime or nap time? (is she still napping? some kids quit napping before they're ready :P) Does she need to eat smaller meals more often? Does she need more sleep? I also found that nursing was often the answer. I know a few mums who weaned their kids really early, and I have to say -- I have no idea how one copes with a 2-year-old who doesn't nurse anymore. Yikes.

Second, stay calm. Repeat this mantra to yourself: No matter how hard it is to have a 2-year-old, it's even harder to *be* a 2-year-old. Having a meltdown feels *awful*. She's not doing it to piss you off -- she's still learning to handle her big feelings. That's a tough job. She'll get better at it, but it takes a while. (Look at all the adults who throw tantrums! ;))

Third, make it clear that you love her very much, and when (not if) she's able to talk about her problem calmly, you will be happy to try to help her solve it (and more constructive ways to handle big feelings other than pitching a fit). Don't threaten, don't offer bribes, DEFINITELY don't use violence. If she were older and there was some reason to think she was pitching fits to get attention, I'd say tell her she's welcome to scream but has to do it in her room with the door closed, but a 2-year-old would probably just freak out more, and feel abandoned.

Fourth, offer choices, but only real ones. Never say "Would you like some carrots?" if you're going to put the carrots on her plate anyway. Never say "Can you hold my hand, please?" if what you really mean is "You need to hold my hand." If it sounds like a question, assume she will treat it as one, and be prepared for her to answer "no." And pick your battles.

User - posted on 02/07/2009

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My son used to throw tantrums - hold his breath until he passed out.  I would stay close to make sure he didn't hurt himself, then leave the room.  Tantrums are for attention - if the child is ignored, they usually give them up.  Don't react.  If the tantrums happen in public, calmly remove your child from the scene - sit the child in car seat or hold them in the restroom until they calm down.  Talk calmly, but don't give in to their demands - BE THE PARENT.  Remember that this stage won't last forever, but it does teach the child who's in charge.  Make sure it's you!  Keep smiling (and it helps to pray - a lot).

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TealRose - posted on 03/22/2011

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Ignore them ... make sure they are safe .. and walk away.

There was a great advert in the UK a year or two back, where a child in a supermarket started to throw a tantrum and the mother responded in kind. She threw herself to the floor and drummed her feet... and the child ... stopped. I have seen this in action years ago with my own children when they were at home!

Children usually have tantrums because they cannot understand the world around them ... it's a hard place ... and kindess really is the best thing!

Kelly - posted on 02/07/2009

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I am a mother of two and my children did not have tantrums. But, I am a Pre-K teacher and have seen my share of tantrums. I have found that the best thing to do is to reassure them that you care about them but that I will not give into them. I let them throw their fit and tell them when you are finished we will talk. Then when we talk we discuss better ways to handle a situation. Using your words instead of throwing a fit it a good outlet.

Estelle - posted on 02/07/2009

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Under no circumstance would I recommend corporal punishment as a solution to any problem. Not only is a tantrum a scary thing for a child to experience but it is even scarier if the parent is acting wild too. Actions speak louder than words and I suggest that violence will only breed violence. If you resort to corporal punishment the only message you send to a child is that you have lost control. My children's ages vary from 19 through to 2 years and they are all respectful and obedient. I know what works as I am coming from both ends of the spectrum. please don't think that spanking works, it only intimidates. Happy parenting and good luck. x

Kelly - posted on 02/07/2009

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My kids days of throwing tantrums was really short because they knew that Mom could throw a bigger tantrum. Once or twice I would immitate the tantrum and act out what they were doing and usually they would stop and stare because Mom looked SO weird. After I lauged off my re-enactment, I explained that it is not ok to throw a tantrum and they need to use their words to tell me what the problem was. Under NO circumstances is a tantrum ok and Mommy will spank if they act like that from then on with each kid, as soon as it started, I swooped them up, took them to the bathrrom and spanked. Once they calmed down. I explained Mommy loves you very much but we don't act like that. The promlem with letting them just go at a tantrum is that when they get older, their tantrums get worse. It's better to learn when your, 2, 3 or 4 that tantrums are not ok and we have to respect the people around us then to worry at 16 when they are tearing down the road in your car.

Montana - posted on 02/07/2009

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She will throw a tantum because she gets what she wants when she does. I work in retail as a manager and see it all the time. They throw a fit they get out of the cart. they throw a fit they get a toy. The other day a mom gave her daughter a sucker for throwing a fit. If it doesnt work they will quit. Just like any behave there is a reward for it so they will keep doing it. You have to be strong and when she throws a fit it is NO. Reward her when she behaves. Ex... You picked up your toys we will go to the park. pick up your toys and give her quarter for her piggy bank or sticker.  You throw a fit we go home and you go in your room. The fit doesnt get rewarded, it will quit.

Estelle - posted on 02/07/2009

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It is true, you must say what you mean and mean what you say. You must also decide what is really important to you. IE is it really important that she picks up toys. If you decide tthat it is then that is the thing you stick with. If it isn't so important then don't push it. You don't want an unhappy child? So choose your battles carefully then you will ultimately win the war! Kids go through fazes as they learn how you react and as they grow towards independance. Mostly you must enjoy all the good, cute, positive things she does as they grow so quickly. Good Luck x

Jennifer - posted on 02/07/2009

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I find that since i stared keeping a tally she has more tantrums when I ask her to do something she doesnt want to do like pick up her toys or something.

Janice - posted on 02/07/2009

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Had one jsut like her. Let her throw the tantrum, but tell her there is a new rule in the house. If she throws a tantrum then she will have to remain in her room quiet for as long as she threw the tantrum. she will test you to the hilt, but hang on. If you can stick it out she will realize you mean what you say and she will conform to what you want. My daughter is now 44 and she is a great mom and yours will come out of this too. You must mean what you say to her. Being consistent is the key. Also it could be part of the terrible 2 thing. But it still needs to be addressed/ She is trying for independence..Good luck

Estelle - posted on 02/07/2009

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Did you know that when a child throws a tantrum they are often surprised and scared by their own emotion? They do not have the emotional experience to be able to calm themselves. when my 3 year old was 2 and 'threw a wobbly' (as we call it in our house) I would say to him "I know you are angry" When I acknowledged his emotion and labeled it for him he calmed down. Now if he gets het up he will point his finger at me and say "I AM VERY ANGRY!" lol I also believe that consistency is key and if your child has thrown a temper tantrum because you have told them no, then you must be consistant and say "mommy said no and I am not going to change my mind" just repeat that along with "I know you are angry" but you must stay calm and ignore the general public. Also I find it helps the child alot if you get down to their level and look them in the eye. Good Luck x

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2009

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Have you mentioned this to your pediatrician?  Sometime tantrums such as these could be an indicator of things more serious...are they behaviorally based?  If so, you can ensure she is in a safe place and let her go until she is finished.  I know this route is not fun for the family (we went through these with our now 5 year old son) but after a while she will get the energy and frustration out then she should be okay......Lisa (mother of 2 boys 5 & 2) and family therapist working with children...

Brenda - posted on 02/07/2009

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HELLO JENNIFER, MY GUESS IS THAT IT''S HER AGE, AND YOU COULD TRY DIVERTING HER ATTENTION TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, SO SHE FORGETS WHAT THE ORIGINAL PROBLEM WAS  OR JUST LET HER HAVE HER TANTRUM!!!

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