Tattling

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am sure we are or all went thru this. TATTLING, I have told my daughter that when you tell on someone to get them into trouble it is tattling, she keeps telling me that she is not tattling she is telling the truth. It is true most of what she says but it is still tattling. How do you explain it to your kids, I know you can not stop it 100% but it would be nice to stop most of it.

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JuLeah - posted on 06/01/2010

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Kids get a lot of attention for tattling. With adults we call it gossip, but it amounts to the same thing. You are in the loop, in the know, center of attention.

I think it is great telling your kids that sometimes you do tattle/tell. If it is a safety issue. If they are getting hurt, or hurting someone, tattle and tell.

But if yoru goal is to get them into trouble, then you don't tell.

And, then as adults, we ignore the tattling and the one tattling, maybe even giving attention to the one tattled on?

Just like we ignore gossip - we tell adults, "If this is gossip, I don't want to hear it" We don't buy the mags in stores that talk about how this person cheated on that person .....

We don't turn on TV shows that discuss personal aspects of peoples' lives .... point this out to your children - kids don't tattle and adults don't gossip

Make sure she gets the attention she is seeking from a better source, in a better way. Give her a lot of attention for doing the things you want her to be doing, cause it is attention she is after, I am sure. And, if she no longer gets attention from tattling, she will search for some other way to get it.

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I have to walk a fine line with tattling as the older one can hurt on purpose. I need to know when that is happening. To make sure the younger one feels home is "safe." But when it is not injurious I always make sure the "disciplinary action" is something that stops what they were doing together and leaves the tattler with no entertainment. And When she says "I'm bored" cause big sister is in time out or having to do chores I send her off to clean the bathroom or read. and point out if she hadn't tattled she could still be playing and having fun. When you tattle it spoils everything.. When she comes running up to me with that "I'm going to tattle look" I ask her "Do you really want to tell me this?" and 9 times out of 10 she goes running back to play.

Melanie - posted on 06/01/2010

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My daugther liked to tell us when her brother has done something wrong and like most children there is a lie mixed in with the truth. We started to tell her brother off but then we made her tell us so we could catch her brother in the act rather than just on blind faith. After a while she would just drag us into the room where her brother is and we could see what he was doing. We basically said to her telling on her brother wsn't nice as he can't speak so he can't tell on her when she's wrong. So now she says he's doing it again mummy and we can have a go at him. x

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2010

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I actually encourage them to tattle because in this day in age it is the ONLY way you are allowed to handle things at school. They are not allowed to touch or say anything to other students and the only recourse they have is to tell a teacher. It is so hard for my 6th grader to handle things that way but we are now in a situation where it had to be done. I just love society now a days....NOT!!

Kristin - posted on 06/01/2010

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My oldest does this now and it does make me nuts. I just keep telling him that unless I catch his younger brother doing what he shouldn't be doing, I can't do anything about it. I have also begun telling him that he should just say that whatever the inappropriate action brother is doing is against the rules and leave it at that. I have made it very clear that the only time I want to hear about the others' naughty behavior is when it is dangerous or someone is already hurt.

Safety is too important, making stupid mistakes is something we all do almost daily and not worth really even discussing.

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