Teacher yelling

Frances - posted on 09/21/2015 ( 42 moms have responded )

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As a grandmother do I have the right to complain to the school ? I feel sorry for my granddaughter going thru this . and my daughter thinks it does no good reporting it just because the teacher yelled at her ! but like I told her its been more then 3 times and for no good reason ? she is scaring her ! that's abuse ! so im going to report it .

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Sarah - posted on 09/23/2015

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Ok, I admit I glazed over this whole post. Frances, I am a school nurse and nearly everyday I get a call from "grandma, grandpa, Nana, Meemaw, Nee Nee or Opa" demanding why i did not call them as they are #2 on the call list to pickup their precious pet from school. Oh how sick the child was and how sad they sat thru school in misery! If I had just called them, they'd have come right away. They go on to explain that mom and dad, don't want their child to miss school and that is why they "refused " to pick up the sweet darling from my office.
I see the same kids every single day; my belly hurts, I have a headache, my throat hurts, I feel weird, I itch, my feet hurt, my back hurts, etc...... I follow a strict protocol. I do a simple assessment of the kid, take their vitals and call the parents. I do not move on to emergency number two until I can't reach #1 or #1 can't pick up a truly sick kid. If you really think your grandchild is being disciplined inappropriately, then talk to your daughter! Her mother! You don't need to go over her head to the school. Her mother is the one to make to calls, not you. You job is to love and dote on her endlessly....

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2015

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Frances, I'm going to be blatantly honest. You are the grandmother, not the parent. If you go in and try going over the head of your daughter on this one, the school won't listen or discuss it with you anyway because you actually don't have any parental authority. They actually legally can't even talk to you about the child unless the parents have added you to the authority list. Not to mention that your daughter may not be happy with you about it.

Your daughter is the one who needs to talk to the teacher. I'm saying "talk" to the teacher because reporting something without getting both sides of the story is over the top and ridiculous. You should try to get both perspectives of anything (not just this situation) before you assess and make a choice to take any action.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/23/2015

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I would call for a sit down with the principal, the offending teacher, and your daughter and have an adult discussion about this. Clearly going straight to the teacher is useless. The principal really needs to hear about what is going on. Talk with your daughter about it before you do it, and have a game plan. Know what you both want to say. Speak up. If you are not going to be your grandchilds advocate, and neither is your daughter, no one will be.

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2015

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"I don't know why the teacher yell s at me"

So at this point, the logical thing to do would be to ask the teacher why she is yelling at the child.

"Im 61 yrs old"

Yes, you keep saying that. I am not sure what it has to do with this discussion.

"as grandparent s we will get involve if you are not nice to the kids ,that's your job ."

As grandparents, unless you have legal custody/parental responsibility, you don't have the right to get involved. What part of that are you not understanding? The fact is, your daughter has asked you not to do this - the LEGAL CUSTODIAN of the child has asked you not to.

"they will never admit to doing wrong"

Actually, I know a lot of teachers who will listen to concerned parents and change the way they are doing things. I also know teachers who make mistakes and then apologise to the students for those mistakes. I have had to do so myself a few times. Teachers are human too, the make mistakes just like you do. But like anyone, you go in with all guns blazing and they will become defensive. You sit down and have a conversation like a reasonable person, and they will respond accordingly. Lumping all teachers in one basket the way you are doing is narrow-minded and wrong.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/24/2015

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Interfering AFTER your daughter asked you not to was an over the top controlling move. May I point out that you are going DIRECTLY against the instructions from the child's PARENT?????

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Frances - posted on 09/24/2015

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sorry but kids safety comes first .!! anybody can tell you that .thanks any way byebye

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/24/2015

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Sarah, I only WISH you were the nurse here! Hang in there, baby! We love you and KNOW you are awesome at your job, and with all of your 'kids'!

Dove - posted on 09/24/2015

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Don't let it get to you, Sarah (I know... too late). WE know you are awesome! ♥

Sarah - posted on 09/24/2015

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I am still furious. Maybe because today I had to close three schools due to potential Legionnaire's disease pneumonia was found in the cooling water of the air-conditioning cooling towers at certain buildings. Do you have ANY idea how many calls i will get tomorrow for overreacting? And complaints about how much they had to pay for sitters, or how hard it was to take the day off at the last minute? That's from the parents, not the grandparents....oh, the grandparents, who had to watch the healthy child miss a day of learning ! I cannot win!
If you realized, in a district like mine, that the parents use school as daycare. you'd see my position. That kids do fake sick to go home but kids also get sent to school sick because mom or dad does not want to take the day off. I am not a genie, I do not have a crystal ball. I take each child at their word and go from there, if your don't like it too bad!

ETA: i am so super offended by this remark:
"like I said it school not prison . and I hope you step down from your job with that kind of attuide!!! where did you get your training im sorry , but just because you say Im a nurse you know this kids are bad . well you haven't seen bad . this kids need love show them you care and understand if they are in trouble and if they lie yes leave it up to the parents "

I never said I know kids are bad!, I do leave the decision up to the parents. And I love every single student I encounter.......BACK OFF SISTER

Sarah - posted on 09/24/2015

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How dare you suggest I resign my position because I point out that there is a pattern of repetitive behavior with some kids. They want to go home, shocker! I would never, ever keep a truly sick child at school. I am limited by law as to how much I can physically examine a child. I have my MSN and I am a certified school nurse. i care very, very much for the students in my district and I did not rise to position I am in by being obtuse. When you sit in my office and see the same child 14 days in a row, at the same time each day, with vague complaints, you tell me how you'd handle it? I call the parents. Every time I have a child in my office I do call, whether sick or not. I let the parents make the decision. When we have a "repeat offender" I speak to the parents, the teachers and the principal. . My kids know that my door is ALWAYS open. Stubbed toe, hang nail, or strep throat. Every child is treated appropriately and I document very, very thoroughly. You walk in my shoes, and then tell me to quit. One thing that makes my job harder, is taking the next day phone calls, (or returning them from the night before) from secondary caregivers! From grandparents who insist that their grandchild was too sick to stay at school. When I have already assessed the child, spoken with the parents and formulated a plan. "If you are not feeling better by lunch, come back and will check you out again" It takes away from the time I can spend with my kids. I work with all ages pre-k thru 12 and I have NEVER once sent a truly ill child back to class. I have found kids with ear infections, strep, lice, broken bones, you name it....and i care for each as though they were my own.

Dove - posted on 09/24/2015

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You don't have a bloody clue if the school has done anything wrong... because you don't know the school's SIDE of it. So what if they know you are watching? 'I' didn't say you are crazy (though I'm starting to think it).... I said the school will think you are crazy and will just write you off. They will not care that you sent them a letter because it's legally none of your business what is or is not happening in that school.

I get exactly what you are saying... I just happen to think you're completely in the wrong.

Frances - posted on 09/24/2015

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oh that is ok all I wanted was for this teacher to know that there is a grandma that is watching ! I don't need for them to talk to me they will never admit to doing wrong ! GET IT ! no I m not crazy for speaking up they just hate that find for me I know how the school system works so as long as they want to cover up ill be watching thanks so much for caring about this I hope to help you all to bye Frances

Dove - posted on 09/24/2015

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You do not have the legal right to interfere. If you send a letter to the school when the legal guardian has told you NOT to... you are going to get written off by the school as some crazy, overbearing lady. The school legally can NOT discuss this issue w/ you... on any level whatsoever...

What do you NOT get about that?!

Frances - posted on 09/24/2015

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I know all that dear ! I want to say I will report to the school if I see any kid mis treat ed I don't have to be the mother . thanks so much its nice to know all you girl moms are helpful ! thanks for reminded me but the school needs to start listening to the kids a concerned grandmother !

Frances - posted on 09/24/2015

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my daughter is taking care of it Im 61 yrs old you think I don't know all that ? but its time we start letting the schools know that as grandparent s we will get involve if you are not nice to the kids ,that's your job . !! like I said it school not prison . and I hope you step down from your job with that kind of attuide!!! where did you get your training im sorry , but just because you say Im a nurse you know this kids are bad . well you haven't seen bad . this kids need love show them you care and understand if they are in trouble and if they lie yes leave it up to the parents . which you know now a days a lot of grandparents have to take that role . maybe if you nicer you will enjoy your job more , and the kids will remember you as wow what a nice nurse and the parents can decide if they are lying are not . thank you Sarah E GOD BLESS

Frances - posted on 09/24/2015

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thank you so much Elaine T , im not out to cause trouble I just think is time we speak up in the schools not just about how thing s are but about when this happens they always want to cover up and that's what we showed our kids now our grandkids . you k now now how much bad goes on in the schools and the kids are told to shut up! well its sad . I just wanted my daughter to mention it . in person and I wrote a letter.my daughter thinks I shouldn't had done that . I told her it was sad every time I ask my granddaughter how was your day . and her response was I don't know why the teacher yell s at me !! so Im asking for her to stop . my daughter thinks they will make it harder on her . that's when you need to let them knowthis is a school not a prison! as a grandmother im asking for the school to check on this instead of covering up!

Dove - posted on 09/24/2015

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No matter what the situation... if there are at least 2 people involved... there are at least 2 versions to the story... and it has nothing to do w/ either side actually lying... it's called perception.

I get that pretty much every day w/ my 7 year old son... because his perception of his mom making him mad is totally true to him... even though he's mad at his mom because she asked him to do the same darn thing 5 times before she finally told him if he doesn't do it right now he's going to lose computer privileges for the next 24 hours.... In HIS mind... it's all mommy's fault, but he's not LYING... it's really and truly how he feels.

Sorry... just felt like getting that out.... lol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/24/2015

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I just realized that Elaine's situation happened over 20 YEARS ago...perhaps she doesn't realize that standards for teachers have changed immensely in those 20 years...

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2015

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"Jodi I can also assure you that some teachers are complete bitches who should not be working with children😏 I do actually agree with some of the things you've said but not all kids are lying just as not all teachers are unfairly picking on certain children."

And yet, the OP can make judgement with only one side of the story. Let's face it, there are two sides to this story, and the truth is more often than not somewhere in the middle. She is choosing to ignore the possibility of understanding the truth by choosing to ignore one side of the story before going off half cocked.

Getting the other side of a story also gives you the ability to ask the right questions of the child. Children tend to leave out details which help with perspective. And yes, in my experience, most children have a tendency to do this - not because they are choosing to lie about it, but because the detail is not important to them. A wise person would seek both sides of a story before making judgement.

Also, please go back and read my posts, Elaine, and tell me where I suggested all kids lie. Because I didn't.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2015

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Elaine, why did YOUR PARENTS have to go to the school to take care of things for YOUR CHILD?

Jodi and the others who've worked in the schools have stated things correctly: If the grandparent is NOT on the authorized list, the school will NOT deal with them. They will be invited to leave and have the parent contact them.

Sarah - posted on 09/23/2015

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I am not insinuating that your granddaughter is lying or even exaggerating. What I am saying is that is is a parents job to deal with the school. Unless there is a custodial issue at hand. I realize you are passionate about your granddaughter and what she is telling you may be the exact truth. If the is the case confront your daughter and ask her why she is not advocating for her own child? to simply go around the first line of authority is not appropriate. It's would be like the parent going over my head to the principal or school superintendent without having me have the chance to deal with the issue myself.

Elaine - posted on 09/23/2015

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Jodi I can also assure you that some teachers are complete bitches who should not be working with children😏 I do actually agree with some of the things you've said but not all kids are lying just as not all teachers are unfairly picking on certain children.

Elaine - posted on 09/23/2015

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Francis you are absolutely right to go to the school if you feel your granddaughter is being treated unfairly. My mother and father went down to my daughters school to discuss with the principal and the teacher involved why my child was being shouted at constantly or if not shouting she seemed to always be picking on her.
I believe these things are better nipped in the bud before things get any worse. I was extremely grateful to my mother,who we sadly lost 6 years ago,for stepping in. I'm not the best for getting my point across without becoming angry. Where as my mother is calm,articulate and can deal with this sort of thing better than me. My mum (I'm Scottish) was incredibly close to my 3 girls and they looked on her as the next woman in their life they'd turn to after me.
I do understand what people are saying about children exaggerating or only giving one side of the story and of course there are kids who do this but I believed my daughter as she'd never had trouble with any of her other teachers. They always sang her praises at parents meetings. I spoke to a friend who's child had also had this teacher years before and was told she is notorious for this kind of behaviour. She seems to take a dislike to a certain child and then proceeds to make them miserable for the rest of term. Well not with my child!! My mum and I could see that Claire was becoming more withdrawn on the days she had a class with this teacher. At the meeting,which Claire's guidance teacher (pupil support teacher) also attended my mum asked what it was Claire had actually done and why she felt the need to shout rather than speak to her. She tried to backtrack and say that it's not just Claire she's shouting at it's all of the kids and a load of other stuff that to be honest was just nonsense. She couldn't come up with a reason. I think she hasn't had too many parents/grandparents confront her before. The guidance teacher also pointed out that she'd never had any problems with teachers complaining about Claire before so it was very out of character if she was acting up in gym. My mum and dad said if there was any other trouble with Claire that she should contact me and I'd also speak to Claire and reiterate that she shouldn't misbehave in class or there would be consequences.
Claire is now a 30 year old trainee accountant with a gorgeous wee girl of her own. We've spoken about what happened back then and she still says to this day that the teacher just took a dislike to her and seemed to get some kind of kick out of nearly reducing her and a few others to tears. She is really thankful her gran and grandpa went to the school as it stopped after that and allowed her to continue her studies without the constant worry when she had class due with this teacher.
I have saw some little brats in schools over the years who must drive teachers to insanity and I've often said I don't know how they keep their patience but I know my daughter. Just as you know your granddaughter and she just wasn't one of these kids.
To the woman who said teachers don't really yell anymore....No offence but how do you know that? You also say "The school would send you packing" well they must be one crap school! If a parent is concerned enough to contact them then it's valid and should be explored.
Sorry for writing a book here Francis😑
Follow your instinct and best of luck. Your granddaughter is very lucky to have a loving grandma like you x

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2015

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Thank you for the voice of reason, Jodi!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/23/2015

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Oh, and you can certainly talk with other parents of children in the same class and see if they are receiving the same report, the teacher yelling. My son was getting hurt on the bus, and I never knew about it until he came home with a scratch on his cheek. Finally, I found out he was being bullied, and talked to other parents. They reported that this person was bullying their child also. They just didn't know what to do except to tell their kids to ignore it. NOT OK! You never know if kids are speaking up at all. That is my point. My kid isn't a tattle tail, and doesn't make up stories like this. You MUST listen to your children.

Dove - posted on 09/23/2015

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lol Destroying ourselves? That's rich. Why don't you let your daughter parent her daughter and you just love and support your granddaughter? If she is upset about something (anything at all) you should want to find out ALL the information (which will not just come from the child as EVERY story has at least two sides) and just love and empower HER? Be a grandparent... not a bulldozer.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2015

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Well, if successfully raising my kids to adulthood, no teen pregnancies, no drug use, and they're contributing members of society is "destroying" myself...I guess I'll stick with it! LMAO

Frances - posted on 09/23/2015

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I just saw and read some of the old post s from you and this other women what are you doing my GOD . im getting out of this , this is really bad ! you are not helping moms you are destroying your self s !!!Frances

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2015

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Enjoy your life behind the wool shades...
First, I did NOT say that children are habitual liars. I SAID that children will almost always leave out a detail. Not necessarily on purpose, either. When you ask your granddaughter what happened, does she tell you the ENTIRE STORY??? Until your daughter speaks with the teacher, you will never know.
Furthermore, whether or not I'm a grandparent means NOTHING in regards to your question. As I stated, not only have I raised my kids to adulthood, but I'VE WORKED WITH CHILDREN from day one.
Try to see ALL points of view, not just your corner.

Dove - posted on 09/23/2015

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lol I just read where you trust your child.... your CHILD is the mother in this situation and it is up to HER to do something or not. If the child's own mother doesn't back you up you are going to look like some crazy old lady to the administration. You don't legally have the right to make a complaint to the school over this....

Frances - posted on 09/23/2015

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Shawn sorry you think all kids are liers and bad .Idont agree with you . that's why you teach your kids that lying will just get you in trouble please don't put words in my mouth I didn't say kids are perfect ,I m saying we need to help them . when they are getting bully , yes you can call it that to . and I have marched my behind to a lot of places and gotten results ! I know how the school works they say they do what is right for everybody and we know its not .my daughter is taking the right steps . of course we have all lied but that stops when you know its wrong . you have to teach your kids and they do stop .humans know that ! and I know it happen all the time that s why im asking grandmothers to help their family s . I guess you not a grandma yet sorry thanks for answering byebye Frances

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2015

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What you are not understanding, Frances, is that you do NOT have the whole story! What your granddaughter interpreted as 'yelling' was most likely, as I stated, a FIRM VOICE, and probably resulted in a disciplinary action.

Without the WHOLE story, you cannot place all of the blame entirely on the teacher.

You don't seem to want to hear that, though, which is disappointing.

Frances - posted on 09/23/2015

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Oh thank you so much for your advice , im 61ys old and have seen a lot , 7 grandchildren . what im saying is that somewhere its time to stand up for this kids because if family don't that s sad . I said im going to report it not go in fighting . you have to do it the right way by law . but im going over my daughter ,by writing a letter of a concern grandmother. she can go in person. some moms are just in the system like I use to be , by thinking the school is always right by protecting the teachers . now we all know how many teachers have been caught now whom we thought they were so nice to my kid. of course the school s will never admit they are wrong . do you know how many accidents they keep from the parents ?? right here in Glenn middle Lee . so that is why I have to trust my child first, no matter good or bad the child is send them to the office and call parents . nobody should be yell at that is ABUSE ! how do you feel when you yell at ? that's not how you train Teacher s they do it because they think they have power and we let them!! when the teacher yells she is fraustraed and not helping the situation , you can kill when you are mad and yelling ! we have to stop that in our schools . if the parent don't have time and don't want to listen to the children im saying grandparents should help . we have to show the schools that we care about what is going on in the schools . little by little . its not a prison , they are in ther to learn . , don't make it sound like the kids have no right to speak are stand up for themselves . it could make them a better student . children in elementary school should be taken care of because when they go to middle school they are by there self s they really need family then . until there are 18 yrs old . !!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/22/2015

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Oh, Frances...I'm sorry that you think that children are perfect, to the detriment of getting to the bottom of a problem.

"kids these days" lie like rugs, just like kids did when I was a kid, and when my parents were kids...They're human! You've told a lie or two yourself, I'm sure, even if it was a 'little white lie'...

You go right ahead, my dear concerned grandmother, and march your behind into the school ready and raring to fight. It won't get you anywhere, and may actually be detrimental to the situation overall. You REALLY need to encourage your daughter to take the PROPER steps, which are:
1) Speak with the teacher. The parent needs to set up an in person conference to discuss issues, and develop a plan to resolve any that may be occurring.
2) IF that doesn't work (IF, not WHEN), then the parent needs to contact the building administrator (School principal). Again, this needs to be a parentally requested meeting, and ONLY if the meeting with the teacher was non productive, or the situation worsens.
3) (and this step is rarely necessary, if the parent is actively working with the teacher) If the above two steps do not produce results, the parent should contact the superintendent's office.

Let's lay out a scenario here: Susie, who is 7, regularly disrupts class by wanting to speak to her friend Jennie. After the teacher reminds Susie that she needs to pay attention in class, Susie again disrupts Jennie. The teacher speaks more firmly to Susie, redirecting her to task. After a few minutes, Susie again gets out of her seat and is disruptive. At this point, the teacher uses her 'outside' voice to bring Susie to attention, and put her in a disciplinary action. After school, Susie goes home. When her mother asks how her day was, Susie breaks into tears and says "Teacher YELLED at me, momma, and I wasn't doing anything wrong!"

It happens ALL the time. I was an aide in my kids' classrooms in elementary school, and a paid paraprofessional aide at the High school level. Kids don't always tell the whole story! Granted, at 6 years old, 'susie' only thought that she was being yelled at. She did not connect the 'yelling' with her other actions, so in her mind, she was yelled at for no reason. If, at this point, momma says "Well, I can understand how that would bother you. Let me talk to Mrs. Smith, to see what happened, and what we can do to fix it", that would be a great response, and a good first step. If, however, momma says "That horrible teacher, how DARE she yell at you! I'll fix this RIGHT NOW" and goes bulling her way into the school to correct the perceived 'injustice', she will NOT be happy with the way things are handled.

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2015

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I agree with the other ladies, you need to have a talk with the teacher and hear what actually happened.
Yes children do still lie, especially about getting into trouble at school. They know that they will also get into trouble at home so they will make it out that the teacher was picking on them. My kids have been caught out with this and they slowly learned that I will find out the truth (not just believe what they told me).
There would be a reason for the teacher to raise her voice and the most likely reason would be the kids talking instead of doing work.

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2015

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LOL, kids "these days" do not tell the truth any more than they did in our day. Honestly, if a teacher is "yelling" at your child, find out what happened. Contact the school and let them know the child has come home upset at being yelled at and you are just wondering what happened. I assure you, your grandchild is probably not the little angel you think she is. Chances are, it wasn't so much yelling, but a stern talking to, and chances are your grandchild did something she shouldn't have. When a child says it was for no reason, I can assure you, there was probably a reason.

Going in to the school all fired up and ready for a fight when you haven't even bothered to politely have a conversation with the teacher as to what REALLY happened from their perspective is not going to do anyone any favours.

Frances - posted on 09/22/2015

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oh I know im lisening to a child , and I know when they lie , but we need to listen to the child now a days . if its not that bad good , but if it is teacher needs to stop . kids now adays say the truth thay have nothing to lie about . they are not as scare as we use to be ! so I go for listen to the child then the teacher !! thanks oh and I know how the school can send you packing , I have seen it done to others but that has to stop also !! a concern Grandma

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/21/2015

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First, you need to remember that you are hearing the story from the child, who may or may not be telling the exact story, and may or may not be leaving details out.
Has the child's mother addressed things with the teacher? Has there been any attempt at all to get to the bottom of why the teacher is allegedly 'yelling' at the child?
In my experience, in this day and age, teachers DO NOT yell. They may slightly raise their voice to get the children's attention, and they may speak firmly in a disapproving voice if the child is not listening, being disruptive, or refuses to follow classroom policies, rules, and activities.
Without any real detail except that your granddaughter tells your daughter that teacher 'yells'...I'd say that the school would probably send you packing. There is a set method of handling complaints, and your daughter needs to start with the teacher.

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