Teen daughters

Pat - posted on 09/18/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am seperated from my daughters father. He has been and continues to make bad choices. He is simply a bad influence. I have shared with my daughter that i dont think she should be around him at all until he gets professional help and change his behaviors. She refuses to listen to my plea and basically goes around him to go shopping or anything else she wants to do. Does anyone have any advice about how i can get her to see my perspective?

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Dove - posted on 09/18/2014

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That's her father and she's a teenager. Unless he is specifically endangering her safety... it's really not your call. If he IS endangering her safety... gather your evidence and take it to court... but considering she's a teenager if she wants to be around her father she will probably find a way no matter what you do.

If he is making REALLY bad choices... you can try and educate her on those decisions and why you feel they are bad and let her know that she can come and talk to you about ANYTHING at ANY time and you will help her through it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/18/2014

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Well, you don't really have the right to dictate to her that she needs to NOT see her father...especially if she's a teen.

Unless there is a legal reason for him to not see his daughter, you're way out of bounds, in fact. If you feel that he is truly a danger to her, you can request modified court orders reflecting that, but you may need to re-evaluate your assessment of him.

What are you calling 'poor choices'? Is it simply because he chose not to be in a relationship with you, or does he constantly choose to (for example) drink & drive?

Chet - posted on 09/18/2014

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It may be easier for you to address this situation by trying to see things from your daughter's perspective. If you understand how she thinks, and how she feels, you will be in a better position to accommodate her needs and feelings to the greatest extent possible, and to present your concerns in a way that makes sense to her.

It's fairly unrealistic to ask a child to cut ties with a parent that they want to see. It's sometimes necessary in extreme situations, but most of the time, at least some contact is possible. It's impossible to say how restricted your daughter's contact with her father should be without knowing the specifics of the situation, but since your daughter is a teenager, and since she wants to see her dad, zero contact is asking a lot.

As well. parents need to raise children to resist bad influences. There are bad influences everywhere. Your daughter can have a relationship with her father and still be aware (and wary of) of his limitations. Our kids see adults making bad choices all the time, and they know that adults make mistakes too... just because an adult does something doesn't make it a good example. You can't control other people, but you can raise your daughter to be the sort person who knows right from wrong herself and who isn't easily influenced.

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