Teen Divorce and Pregnancy

Angel - posted on 09/06/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I'm 19 and I have a 5 month old son. He is my whole world, but me and his father are going through a divorce and I found out I am pregnant again (less than a month along). He is joining the Air Force and will get kicked out if he has another child within the next 2 years. He wants me to abort the baby, but that is against my beliefs. Realistically I cannot support 2 babies by myself and I don't want to get him kicked out of the Air Force, but I don't know if I could live with an abortion. And I don't think I could handle adoption either. Advice?

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User - posted on 09/09/2013

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Well truthfully, being kicked out of the air force because you are having another child is kinda silly really. I understand how he doesn't want to leave, but having his first son, both of you know that the second baby will be just the same, a beautiful bundle of joy that you never want to leave, that you have sooo much love for.
A child isnt something that you just get rid of because of the inconvenience in timing. A child is a gift, a gift a lot of women and families long for because they cant have them. Let me just say your family comes first before work or a duty. You know its a hard time yall are going through, I could only imagine, but you got pregnant, and it happened for a reason. If the Air Force wants to kick him out just because he is bringing another blessing, an innocent child into this world, then let them. If they are like that, let them find some one else who fits the requirements. The amount of children that you have should Never be a factor in keeping your job. Im sry I am a little appalled they do that, I didnt know.
By the way you are speaking, it sounds like you know that you should keep your child, no matter what. With divorce being difficult enough, along with having an infant, it sounds like he will probably be mad at you when you tell him. With the decision you make stand behind it, and dont let others get you down for doing the right thing. But seriously, you can not sacrifice an innocent life for his happiness. His happiness will be replaced by something else down the line, a child can not be.
You said realistically you cant support 2 children. Well realistically I couldnt support my son. We struggled in the beginning, and didnt know how we were going to make it, but we put our faith in God and He took care of everything. When we didnt think we could make ends meet, God is the one that did it. He provided what we needed and more. It was really a miracle that we made it through that hard time. We kept praying, and things just kept coming to us, a home, a better job, a raise. After we let go of the worry, we realized that we can not do it all, the Lord is here to help us too, He will not let us go without, and He never has. And after 2.5 yrs we have been standing strong and going strong. So to answer the concern about supporting 2 children, you can do it. Just keep doing everything you can, and pray and the Lord will answer. He didnt let my family go under, and He will not let yours either. Im not saying it wont be hard, but keep your faith strong and you will make it through. Your children are the best gifts you can get, dont let anyone tell you otherwise
Ill keep you all in my prayers, God Bless

Ana - posted on 09/07/2013

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I wrote this without reading below because I have background info that could really help you, glad you are not pregnant but read the info just so that you know that you are being DUPED!

LIES! He is telling you lies.

The UNITED STAES AIR FORCE cannot ask an Airmen to have his wife abort a child in order for him to remain on active duty, or to join the military!

I was in the NAVY for 8 years, only been out 1.5 years and I am telling you, ALL BRANCHES WORK SIMILAR! Recruiters will ask you to do a lot, but report the ones that ask you to do something illegal like abort your own child to get in! Go to another recruiting office and report them.

I can't even believe I am hearing this.

Keep your baby, forget him. He doesn't want to pay child support for 2 kids that's why he wants the abortion. Child support comes from HIS PAY CHECK, not the AIR FORCE's MONEY! They would not care if he had 20 kids, as long as he's taking care of them, on his DIME!

I'm so mad right now about this.

I digress.

You will be fine with your son. There are plenty of women taking care of kids who are not married. It's not impossible. Get hooked up with all the local support groups in your area, find one on meetup.com (a mommy group). I just joined one in my area myself, LOVE IT. Other moms can tell you a world of things to help you find child care, discounts on diapers, info on raising kids and you can find friends for your son and yourself, until you are ready to date again, go to college, or get some sort of training so that you can get paid a little better. And plan life with your SON!

Be thinking about how you wanna spend his first birthday, and what you want to accomplish before he turns 5 and goes to kindergarten.

YOU HAVE THE WORLD IN FRONT OF YOU.

There are wayyyyy tooo many programs avalaible now to help you. Take advantage of them.

I wanna see someone like you succeed.

My background, I'm 33/married 3 years/ have a 3yr old and an 8mth old/ and pregnant with my 3rd child.

Honey, life for me began at 29!

And.....(I talk sooo much) I got married at 19 and divorced at 21!!! Life goes on....

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User - posted on 09/09/2013

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Sry I didnt read the previous posts before I posted, Im glad you dont have to make such a hard decision. I was 21 when I had my son, so Im close in age, I understand being young with child, it is tough at first but soooo worth it, I think I would def be a younger mom than am older one (no offense to anyone) just so we can do more physically with them, its a definite advantage, they get real active, real fast lol

Ev - posted on 09/08/2013

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I have never head of a divorce keeping anyone out of military at all. But I do know that some branches frown on it. Also never heard of a military person having to sign over custody to family or the other parent because of enlisting or service. Some may give guardianship to family in their absence but if they are on base where their kids can live with them, then the kids get to stay with said parent.

You should not have to give up life just to help him out. There was another post on here by a military person who said as much as I said above. Don't hold your life for him. Divorce him if you must. If it affects his military stuff, that is not your problem as he decided his actions long before this. Let him worry about how he has to do things. That is not your doing.

Angel - posted on 09/08/2013

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Are you serious!? I'd hope it was his recruiter lying and not him. That is so cruel either way. I wouldn't put it past him though, he's a very manipulative man. But still, after he saw me so upset when I thought I might have to and he still went with it? Wow. I couldn't even eat I was so stressed out about it, I was throwing up and everything. I will, most definitely, be forgetting him. He doesn't want his son anyway.

Do you know if I divorce him before he goes to boot camp if he will get kicked out? He told me that too. I was going to hold off on the divorce because I didn't want to mess things up for him. He needs to hold a job and get some structure and discipline in his life to make him grow up. Also, I heard that if you are not married and in any branch of the military that you have to sign custody of your children over to the other parent or a family member. Is that true?

I will be sure to check out the support groups. I'm moving back home for a little while, so I'll have my mom's support too (She's super excited I'm leaving him and coming home).

I have goals. College, getting my own place, a car, stable job, reconnect with family and friends. I need to start my life over, it was a mistake ever marrying him. Abusive relationship for 2 years. I need to find myself and my independence again. I know it will be hard being a single mother, but I know I can do it. It's just scary.

Thank you for the comment! Life for sure goes on. And I'm ready to take on whatever it throws at me next.

Angel - posted on 09/07/2013

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Definitely! I'm getting an IUD asap and no sex until then. Thank you for your advice though. That's true, a lot of people have no business with children. I wouldn't have any issue with caring and loving another child, it's just the financial part I am not prepared for. And the fact that I am very young and have a lot of things I want to do before I have more children.

Ev - posted on 09/07/2013

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That is good thing to know. I was about to add more about the adoption idea. But maybe you need to really think about things now you have had a scare. Its not easy even being older with two kids. I do not think anymore age has much to do with it because I do know many my age who do not need kids more because they are not grown up enough yet not because they would not take care of them well.

Angel - posted on 09/07/2013

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Update: Oh my goodness! False alarm! I guess I've been so stressed out it messed up my cycle, but it came. I'm so relieved.

Angel - posted on 09/07/2013

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I have considered adoption, but I know if I go through the entire pregnancy I wouldn't be able to give up my child. And I wouldn't be able to live with the feeling that I gave up one child and kept the other. This is such an incredibly hard decision, especially without his support. I don't know what to do. I feel like it's my responsibility to have this baby and raise it because it takes two to make it, I had my part in this and the baby didn't ask to be here. Then I think about how hard it will be and if I will ever really be able to do anything with my life. What about college? A social life? A career? I'm so young. The thought of being a single mom to one baby is terrifying, but to go through an entire pregnancy alone and raise 2 babies by myself when I'm practically still a child myself is even worse. This isn't what I had planned or wanted. I wouldn't give up my son for the world, but I am so lost right now.

Angel - posted on 09/07/2013

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His recruiter told him he has to be at least an E3 or E4 before he can have another child. He wouldn't have even been able to get in if we hadn't been married because we have our son. I think it's a rule set up to prevent people from milking the system for extra money for dependents.

Kim - posted on 09/06/2013

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How the heck do they kick someone out for having a kid? Sounds like malarkey.

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