Teen Mothers

Autumn - posted on 11/26/2010 ( 29 moms have responded )

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I am a teen mom myself, 19 now. I had my son after I turned 17, his birthday is today. He just turned 2. Soon after I found out I was pregnant me and my husband got married. I was 16, and to be honest it has been heaven. My husband and I are in love as we have always been. I am a stay at home mom while my husband works. I went back to school and got my GED at the beginning of the year. We own our home, and our cars are paid off. We have 2 dogs 2 fish and 1 cat. We don't get any help from the government, or help from family. I know a lot of teen moms have problems with their children(s) father, or just problems in general. I also know that there are a lot of wonderful young mothers, that over come ever single problem they ever faced. I have not had any of those problems.. My son is well behaved, and very loved. He is on target with his weight, a little on the short side for his age, like me! He is smart and is learning to talk at an amazing rate. I don't have many problems, and I am happy with were I am in life. A lot of people think I missed out on stuff, such as going away to collage and stuff, but if I had never had my son I would have never finished school, or bothered to pull myself out of poverty.

I was just wondering..

How many of you are Teen Mothers and how are you handling it?

How many of you are older mothers and What do you think of teen moms?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

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Ramona not all women want to go out and get drunk and travel. We havent missed out on anything we actually wanted to do. I cant honestly say looking back (Im 32 now old enough to have regrets if i wanted them lol) that I regret getting drunk like so many of my friends did, or sleeping with any tom dick or harry which most of my mates did too, travelling well ive done more travelling with the kids than i ever did before because i want them to have nice experiences. Ive been extremely happy the last 12 years with my hubby and kids we have a lovely home and a wonderful life.

Charlita - posted on 11/26/2010

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I'm not advocating teen pregnancy, so with that being said, I'll give you my take on this. If you become pregnant and have your child and are successfully taking care of business (educating yourself further, working, taking care of your responsibilites, etc.), than kudos to you! It has been my experience that a lot of young women are having babies for the wrong reasons. You see a lot of them and they have no clue how to raise a baby let alone take care of themselves. We live in a "here and now" society and a lot of young girls want babies so they can "Grow" with their children. Who thinks like that?! Half the time the guys they get pregnant by don't even stick around. It just seems to me that staying in school and just enjoying the gifts that being young and responsibility free would be enough of a deterrent to not want to bring another life into a bad situation. If you know that your burden is going to fall onto your family or someone else, than why would you not protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy? I just can't comprehend a lot of young women's thinking today.

Sara - posted on 11/27/2010

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I was 30 when I had my daughter, so I'm an "older mom". To be honest, I generally think that having a child when you are a teenager is a bad idea. I totally respect women who get pregnant as teens and live up to the responsibility of being a parent and are good parents. You are not alone. One of my older sisters had a child at 17 and she is a great mom, but if you asked her if she wished she would have waited, she'd say yes. She struggled for many years, ended up in an abusive relationship in which her children also suffered. It wasn't good. My other sister was also a teen mom, had her daugher at 19. She has been, without a doubt, one of the worst mothers in the history of the world and now her poor daughter is repeating the same mistakes and patterns that her mother has. It's sad to watch.

Honestly, I think people should wait to have kids. I know there are great teen moms out there, but I would say that as a rule it's a hard road filled with hardship and heartache. Plus, you do a disservice to yourself to not allow yourself to be a child and have the experience of being a young adult without that kind of responsibility. Again, I'm not saying ALL teen moms are bad or anything like that, but I also think that if your own child came to you (and I say "you" in general here) at 16 and said they were pregnant or got a girl pregnant, there'd be part of your heart that breaks and would want them not to go there. And that speaks volumes.

Ramona - posted on 11/27/2010

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Autumn I think you are a rare exception to the case. A lot of teen mothers never finish school, let alone get married, own their own home and have two paid for cars. I had my first child at 22. Before I had my son I traveled as I pleased. I went to clubs, i experienced getting drunk. You have none of that. I feel that you have missed out on a lot but only time will reveal how you handle it. My own mother had me at 18. By the time I was 5 she was out doing her thing. By the time I was 9 my grandmother had to legally take custody of me. I know that may not happen to you. Good luck.

Maria - posted on 11/26/2010

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Great Job to you both for being more responisble at an early age than some people are in their later years! I think it's great that you are both still together(not common these days) and are finacially stable.

As for me I guess I'm stuck in the middle. I was 19 when I had my little girl and though me and my fiance split up for a while we are together now and doing great. I personally know I wouldn't have had the maturity or coping skills to handle a baby at 16 or 17. I barely had them at 19 and if not for my mother I don't know what I would've done. Some teens today have unrealistic ideas about what having a baby means. They think a baby is "fun". That they'll have someone to love and who'll love them. It'll be like having a really baby doll. I was in line at the grocery store w/ my 2yr old who was of course throwing a fit b/c she could and tired from working my two jobs and I overheard a conversation between two college freshmen girls. They were talking about thier first year in college and how much they loved their boyfriends. One actually was thinking of having a baby and her friend was telling her how much fun it would be and how cute she would look preg. How they could dress her cute in little dresses and it took everything I had not to shake them.
I don't think teens today grasp the severity of a decision like that. Having a baby in your teens is not a life sentence to no education and poverty. But in my opinion it just makes it a little harder to steer away from those things. Anyone can have a baby but it takes special people to parent.

29 Comments

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Janetta - posted on 12/09/2010

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you are on a good track!!! you may have missed out on somethings but you have now exprienced other things that has made you the person you are today. i was also a teen mom at 17. i had my first little guy who kniow is 12. but i dd graduate! But you can now use your experience to help others out . other teen moms . come along side them and help them in areas . whether it is with your words or you r friendship. i find that is what alot of teen moms need .

Christi - posted on 12/09/2010

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I found out I was pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20. It was quite the shock since I was on birth control, we were using condoms, and I has just seen a specialist that said there was only a 20% chance I would ever carry a child. I had only know my now husband for three months when we found out. We knew we loved each other and had been discussing marriage and children anyways, so the next weekend we had a small ceremony and got married. Things weren't always easy, but our son held us together. I have always been more mature than other women my age.



I practially raised my Autistic sister after my parents split when I was 14 and I had to care for not only my younger sister, but my mom who was battling horrific breast cancer and trying to work full time. Between work, chemo and radiation my mom just wasn't able to do a whole lot so I was responisble for cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking myself and my sister to school, doctors, school events, and helping my mom to chemo and radtiatino and doctors appointments. It was difficult but I do not regret it for one second. I grew up alot faster and I think it made me a better mom and wife.



There is a part of me that makes me wish we hadn't gotten pregnant so fast because finances is a huge struggle for us. I HAVE to stay at home with you son because he too is Autistic and has therapies daily. My husband works two jobs and we just barely scrape by. I wish we had been more finacially ready, but I do not regret anything other than that.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/09/2010

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WOW! Sounds like you are doing great...keep up the good work!

Tanya - posted on 12/09/2010

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I was teen mom back in the 90s and it was not as acceptable s it is now..I don't throw stones..I also did well with raising my kids without state assistance..I did not marry the father nor stay in a relationship with him..As far a teen moms now..I feel it can be avoided with all the education now..it's very hard and expensive to raise kids with or without both parents..You sound like you have everything well put together and that's great, but unfortunately not all teens can do it..if I could advise any teens out there..it would be to get you life together before having kids so you're not hussling to do it when the baby's here..always strive for more and the best..a baby can't make you grow you have to grow on your own..keep up the good work and stay strong cuz before you know it they'll be teens and you're whole thoughts will change..

Bonnie - posted on 12/03/2010

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Hi it's the 53 yr. old mom.again, I give you a lot of praise and a pat on the back for being the mom you are. I to devoted my time to my daughters when they were growing up, I was a stay at home mom until my girls were up there in school. I was always worried that they might need me if I wasn't home. I never had no one else raise my girls, I never left them with my mom. She didn't like baby sitten. But I love baby sitting my girls kids, my grand kids . They are the sweetest and I feel much differnt with them than I did my own kids. You are doing great and don't let no one tell you differnt. ok always the teen mom now 53 yrs. p.s. I had my girls between 17 yrs - 21 yrs.

Elisabeth - posted on 12/03/2010

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I am a 23-year-old single mom who got pregnant at college when I was 21 (I took a few years off school) and I could not imagine being a teen mom. It's really hard being a single mom in college, and I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be a teen mom. I have a whole lot of respect for the teen moms who choose to keep their babies, and I really admire those who make the difficult decision to give their child up for adoption. I could not imagine how hard either circumstance would be.

Tammy - posted on 12/03/2010

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Hi Autumn my name is Tammy and i met my husband when we were 12 we dated all thru high school. I was told i would never have children because i had a massive tumer on my tubes the sise or (on the left a melon. and on the right a softball) But my husband wanted to marry me anyway,We dated from the summer before our sophmor year till after grad.We got our GED becase we were missing a few credits, We got married soon after and we had a miricle! Our son was brn when we were 19 amd our seconf son 2 years later we owned our own home and cars and people said we would never make it we were to young my family supported us thru it all my husband has a good job and 24 years later we r atill going strong! TY

Angela - posted on 12/03/2010

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Autumn congratulations for all your and your husbands accomplishments at such a young and unexperienced age. Just proves that when there's a will there's a way. I don't think you have missed "OUT" on what society thinks you have. Not everyone can afford to go away to college, You can always go back to school when your son is in school or even take classes on line. Best of luck to you and your family!

Natasha - posted on 12/03/2010

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Autume, first I want to say that eventhough I was a teen mom, that part of my life could have waited. Once things happen you can use the situation to make or break you and it appears that you are making it. So what you didn't get drunk, so what you didn't party all night. Does that mean you did live NO. I know people without kids who didn't do that either. Be blessed and please don't feel that you have missed out on life. Once you child is an adult you will still be young. That is how I always looked at it.

Ez - posted on 12/03/2010

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What Sara said.

As in every situation, there is an exception to the rule. And you, Autumn, are it. You've clearly made a nice life for yourself and your family, and you should be very proud. But that is just not the case for the majority of girls who have babies as teenagers. It's just not a good idea. A teenager's brain isn't even fully developed, so it only makes sense that the vast majority of girls this age would struggle to raise a baby.

Talei - posted on 12/03/2010

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hi i had my fuirst daughter wen i was 15 my second @ 16 and third @ 17 i grew up very fast my hubby also as he was 18..........hes worked himself up from bumboy to the biggg boss while i ran a bizzy household, studied hard and finished school along with other qualifications bar managers, food handling ....etc my hubby and i are now 28 and 26 have travelled, pretty much done all the things we wanted to do! we adore our gurlz who r now 10 ,9,and 8 who r so intelligent and frankly amaze me with somthing new everyday and to top it off have we had 2 more editions!! anuther gurl 21 months and our son 9 months im not saying it hasnt been frign hard with bumbs along the way!!! but i seriously think and know u dont miss out on anything if not u appreciate everything so much more! and i totally agree with u i would have left school and got in2 mischief like all my other school friends. i def would not have had a reason to succeed and be as succesfull as i am today!! GO the pumping teenage mums......from newzealand!!

Bonnie - posted on 12/02/2010

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Hey your the best story I've heard as far as a teen mom. I myself was a teen mom, and I look back and thankful I had my girls (3 of them) at a young age, I grew up with them and did a lot of things with them that keeps in my heart. You are doing so well, keep up the good work. But when I was in my early thirties, I went through something that I can't explain, I went out with some other girls and drank and danced, I had never went out before because I was having babies and raising them. my husband was in the military. So I had a military marriage. I am glad I had my girls early because some of the people I know still has kids at home and are of school age. I'm a grandmother of 6 and love them all. I am a young grandma, but that's ok it's great. take care and I hope you don't go through a phase like I did. always a 53 yr old grandma.

~Jennifer - posted on 11/30/2010

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I have an issue with the title "teen mom" in the first place.
If you have a child, you provide for that child, rasie the child well to become a productive member of society - you're a Mom......regardless of your age.
I just don't like the whole 'teen mom' / 'older mom' / 'unwed mom' / 'single mom' etc titles that are handed out these days.
A Mom is a Mom, regardless of how old she was or who she is or isn't with when she has a child.

Good for you, OP on your accomplishments!

Amber - posted on 11/29/2010

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Hi, I am not a "teen mom" anymore, I am 26 years old and my children are 9 yrs, 4 yrs, and 3 yrs. I had my first son at 17 yrs old and at the time, I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. Later on in life, I did start to feel that way but there's no way I would ever go back and change my choices. I am now attending college, at home classes, but I am enjoying them. If I had to go back and change something, I would have started school a lot sooner, but better late than never. I feel my children have saved my life in so many different ways and I am thankful for each and every one of them.

Amanda - posted on 11/28/2010

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I know plenty of women who waited until they were older to have kids that leave their kids with other people so they can go out and have a good time. It has nothing to do with being a teen mom and everything to do with not be a responsible parent. You can be 40 and just as irresponsible as a 15 year old teen mom.



I had my son at 21 and my daughter at 26. Honestly, I would have rather had both of my children in my early 20's. I had the energy to keep up with him, raise him as a single mom, work 2 part-time jobs, and finish college and still picked him up from daycare at 5 so we could spend as much time as possible together. I know a lot of "older" moms that value "me" time so much that they let their children sit in daycare while they have a cup of coffee or go shopping or whatever else. To me that is just as irresponsible as going out to party all the time. Just because they activity isn't as "irresponsible" doesn't mean it should make it any less self-centered to leave your child to be raised by someone else.



Having my daughter five years later I can tell you there is a different energy level, I miss "me" time because I devote just as much attention to her as I do my son. It's about the person, not the age. I hope moms out there reading this realize that and don't disapprove of good parents, or condone older parents antics of needlessly leaving their children with sitters, because of their age.

Shawni - posted on 11/28/2010

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im a teen mum and im a great mother and some teens are too im sure you are, however 95% of young mums ive met are terrible parents its sad to admit must the majority of teen mums ditch their kids all the time get pissed do drugs hit their kids etc! im not saying everyone does i dont but its a sad fact that most young mums just dont look after their kids some people even have kids just coz their mates are its disgusting really but im sure there are plenty of good younger parents just not the majority

Peta - posted on 11/27/2010

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Good on you! I think teen mums can be as good as any I guess it all about putting your child first and trying not to get too caught up in your own crap

Jessica - posted on 11/27/2010

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I got pregnant at 18, am now 20 and my daughter is 7 months old. I'm actually really happy I had her young. By the time she's off at college I'll still be young enough to go off and do all the things I wanted to do before I had her. No her father's not in the picture and yes I still live with my parents but I don't care. I grew up living right next door to my grandparents and I LOVED it, they were there for everything. Now my parents will be there to watch their grandaughter grow up. Just like Maria said, I barely had the skills to take care of a baby at 19, let alone 16 or 17. But I'm taking responsibility for my actions and to be completly honest, my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me!

Laura - posted on 11/27/2010

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You sound like a very mature, responsible, thoughtful and caring person, regardless of age! If you have your head on straight and your life together, then you are ahead of the game by most standards. Some folks twice your age aren't as responsible as you seem to be, so keep doing what you are doing. : )

As an older mom, I try and look at how women (young or old) tackle the job of motherhood. There are good methods and techniques to use with raising children and there are some really aweful and abusive methods people use, whether by intention or ignorance. Motherhood IS a full-time job! Unless one is ready to commit to that full-time job, then young women especially, should think carefully about having a baby. Unfortunately this decision is treated as a novelty or game by some young women. Others think it will fulfill emotional needs; that somehow a crying, wailing hungry infant provides "love" for them when in fact these individuals aren't able to even LIKE themselves let alone love themselves in a healthy, positive way! Yet somehow an infant is supposed to do this for them. It's a mind-boggling irrational view IMO. You have to be confident with yourself in order to be a good parent (dads are included here, too); otherwise you will have problems with your kids. I spent several years taking care of other people's messed up kids, so I have some experience in this department. I can tell you that not all of these parents had been "teen" parents--most were older parents. So age is all relative! Keep up the good work, Autumn, and don't worry what people think about your age--let your actions speak for you!

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I was 19 when i got pregnant with my oldest child. We married before my son was born and we are still together 12 years later and we have 4 kids now. I used to have the comments from people of wouldnt you rather be out enjoying yourself instead of at home with a baby. I love kids that why i have four now whereas i never really enjoyed going out and getting drunk. I never had any academic goals, but after having my first two i went back to college and spent two years there learning another language then i did a childcare course too. All those people who thought i was bonkers and made sarky comments have had to eat their words because I have a wonderful family and im very happy which really annoys them lol.

Stifler's - posted on 11/27/2010

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I don't like the whole conept of TEEN MUM. So what if you're 17... if you have your shit together then who says you can't have kids! No one really cares about age per se, more the fact that a lot of teenage parents haven't got their shit together. It's the shit mums that I and most people look down on, regardless of age.

JuLeah - posted on 11/26/2010

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The concept of 'teenager' was created not that long ago. Age 16 was a common age to marry not that long ago. We like to make a fuss about things, but really, there is no reason being a teen mom can't work. I am glad I waited, I think I am more mature and a better mom then I would have been as a teen, but many teens are very mature.

Sharon - posted on 11/26/2010

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Well Done to you! you sound like you have everything together and are handling things alot better than some older mums. You little boy sounds like he is growing up in a stable home with great role models :-)

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