teen parent dealing with PSTD and depression weighing on my relationship with my child

Kayla - posted on 03/18/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi, my name is kayla miller I have a 2 1/2 year old son. I struggle with Post traumatic Stress disorder and depression. When my son was born I had suffered with post-partum depression, I couldn't be left alone with my son which broke my heart because I felt like I couldn't be trusted with my own child when I haven't done anything that would put my child in danger. I am a responsible parent. When my son was around six months old my son's father became abusive towards with me. I was beatin in front of my child almost everyday. I worked two jobs and was attending high school. When I left the abusive relationship I was stalked, threatened mentally emotionally abused; because of the situation I suffer from depression and PTSD really bad. I cry about almost everyday because I am 19 years old and I am dealing with problems a normal teenager wouldn't deal with. I feel distance from my child; I don't have any patience when it comes to my son at all I yell constantly when he does not listen. At the end of the day I am not looking to be judged on here I am looking for help. I want to know am I the only one with this problems and what are some solutions. I love my son to the moon and back and would love to be close to him again
-Kayla

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Aalieyan - posted on 03/18/2014

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I got up every morning knowing that my son needed me. Sure I was angry and sad. But when I looked at my son, I knew that I needed to put it aside. I also felt like my son could sense my feelings. I didn't want him to think it was his fault. He didn't ask to be born or to be put in this world just to get our frustration put on them. They need us more than they need their fathers becuase were connected and they have a bond towards us since they were born. Just think of making thiings as good as they can be for your son. You won't notice that things changed with your emotions too. I know I didn't. Everytime I wanted to cry or get mad I closed my eyes for a second and thought of my sons many accomplishments like growing his first tooth and thongs like that. Immediately I felt a gush in my heart and knew that things are still going to happen with him that would make me happy.

Lisa - posted on 03/19/2014

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I am 32 years old and I was in a very similar situation. I got pregnant at 17 4 weeks before I graduated high school. I was all alone I immediately got a job and my own apartment which was scary. I had my daughter all alone because my mother would have nothing to do with me. I suffered post partum depression ALONE... I loved and love my daughter to pieces...but one night it got so bad and she wouldn't stop crying I had tried everything to soothe her, feed her, change her, clean her, hold her, love, her, checked to see if she was sick...nothing worked... then it happened.. I just snapped and it was like watching a bad movie...I watched myself begin to throw my daughter out of the 2nd story window.... I was screaming NO in my head but my body didn't listen... I was scared and then at the last second I remember just crying out to God and in that moment I was able to snatch my infant daughter back from the edge... I cried and cried an apologized to her over and over and kissed her. I called my mother and I told her I didn't care how much she hated me but this was her grandchild her flesh and blood and I had almost killed her. my mom being an ER Trauma nurse for 30 plus years knew immediately how severe the situation was and she came and took my daughter off of my hands for a week and I stayed with a friend... Being a young mother alone is very scary and very difficult.. My daughter is 14 now and I told her about the incident and about how hard it was raising a child being so young. Hopefully my daughter will be smarter than I and wait to have children.

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Kayla - posted on 03/19/2014

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wow Lisa Easter first off I give u a round of applause to come on here and share that with me and everyone! that is something very hard to do and admit! I have had the same issue but didn't have the chance to take it that far. what keeps and kept me from doing that was other women who had my same problem and didn't have the resources Ive had and had an incident with their child and regret it and I had to remind myself my child didn't ask to b here I made the decision. I too had my own place for about 3mo but had to move back in with my mother because of my health and it was getting to the point where I felt like I couldn't control it.
Ifeel awhole lot better knowing someone else besides me has had the same thoughts before and has overcome that. And parenting isn't all roses ppl tell u the good things but don't tell the bad, well hard things.! and I hope ur child doesn't because it is very hard especially in the world today! our bodies aren't finished developing physically and mentally! u end up struggling being an parent and also a teen it is very hard!!

Kayla - posted on 03/19/2014

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@analleyan im girl with the long hair and hoop earing with blue wall in the back https://www.facebook.com/kayla.carr.71. what is urs??

And I feel the exact same way you are feeling I feel like oh well highschool gonna end and everyone gonna split. I also dropped out too but I got my ged.
my son has Medicaid I jus don't I take him to Johnson health center which goes by ur income incase he doesn't have it.

Aalieyan - posted on 03/19/2014

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At least you have your mom. My mom didn't want me to be pregnant in the first place. My cousin hasn't been around much lately but I'll let her know about it once I see her. I don't know exactly what caused my preeclampsia but it wasn't nice. I can't even remember what I fel when the midwife gave me my son for the first time. They had to explain what happened to me when my brain started functioning properly. And yeah I did get sad when I lost touch with my friends. But we all lead seperate lives and I don't think we would have been friends after high school even though i dropped out. Which wasn't my choice. Doctors visits are expensive - how does your son get his check ups? I've been trying to add you on facebook but don't know which ones your.

Kayla - posted on 03/18/2014

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Same here!! my mom understands a lil of my problem and im grateful but its still nice to talk to someone ur age that can relate a lil better. my dad side don't really speak of it. its jus oh well. and Im sorry to hear that about ur cousin does she know about the website?? what caused u to have the preeclampsia?? did u get down when ur baby came and friends went separate ways?? and I was seeing a doctor but I started working and quote "make too much money" so they took my Medicaid smh

Aalieyan - posted on 03/18/2014

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I know. I was feeling all alone when I searched up preeclampsia and I found this site. It's good to know that there are people who can relate and understand because no one here in my family understands. I didn't take any medication, bur my cousin does. Her husband left her with 4 kids and she became depressed si the doctr prescribed her depression medication but I'm not sure what kind. You should try asking the doctor.

Kayla - posted on 03/18/2014

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That's how I feel, he didn't ask to be here and I make him feel as if its his fault and that's not how I was raised. Feel I would've gave him up to someone who can give him a better life but wen I do I cry because a mother shouldn't think those things and I would go crazy if I didn't have him. tonight made me realize I do love him because I was feeling like I had to love him because I have no choice but really I do im just sick. where I live its a wooded area around the property and the door won't close all the way and he got out and I panic and started yelling that made me realize I do luv him and care about. I jus want to get better for his sake and no one around understands my problem.we are big on teen parents but most of them I kno are married and can not relate so its nice that someone on here can.
and did u have to get on any medication if u don't mind me askin and if so wat worked for u

Kayla - posted on 03/18/2014

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thank u aalieyan some days I have good days some days aren't I feel as if im confusing myself and my son on how I feel one/ moment im mad at everyone next im fine. I feel bad im this way and feel I will never recover and don't want my child to have a bad life because of my mental illness. how did u manage to get better or get up every morning?? for me it was hard
and that will be great to exchange emails mine is. littlerot2003@yahoo.com or facebook, kay miller

Aalieyan - posted on 03/18/2014

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I suffered from post partum too. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't live but my son was where I pulled my strength to live. You love your son so look to the bright side of things. It won't always be like this. One day you'll look back and realize that it all made you stronger. I'm 18. I had my son when I was 17 and my boyfriend didn't understand my post partum so he let me deal with everything alone. Just so you know I'm here to talk I you want my email. And you can be close to him just put the doubt and sadness away long enough to be happy with him. Do what he likes and be the mother people think you aren't.

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